Previously on Modern Family: The Future Dunphys
Cam and Claire’s house project is finally complete and they are ready to begin the sale. But, no matter how good the house looks they are having trouble finding a buyer. Mitchell bites his tongue and refrains from saying “I told you so” even though he really wants to. Despite their efforts the only offer they get is below asking price and comes from Phil’s nemesis, Gil Thorpe. Luke claims to have an interested buyer and when they find out his buyer is an adult they jump on the opportunity. Using Haley’s stalking skills to learn everything possible about this guy. They tailor the house for him, but its all too fishy and he backs out. And when Gil Thorpe shows up and sees there is a gay couple looking at the place (Cam and Mitchell), he advises his buyer to to up their offer. We all know you should gay real estate. They know where its at.
Javier brings his new girlfriend Trish to meet Manny. Gloria is threatened by this woman who seems to be so awesome. When Javier announces that the two are actually getting married she freaks out and tells Gloria that she is threatened by her because Gloria is “the one that got away” for Javier and Manny never shuts up about her. Upon hearing this, Gloria welcomes Trish to the family.
- Haley cyber stalking Zack
- Gil Thorpe…all of the scenes
- Trish’s freak out
Haley: Okay so after a quick scan of his facebook, twitter, tumblr, pinterest and instagram, this is what I know.
Luke: Privacy is dead?
Phil: Prepare to Phil the agony of Dunfeat! Both names!
Gloria: If she learns how to froth his cappuccino I am history!
Luke is bringing Phil for career day at school, unfortunately for Phil, Gil Thorpe’s daughter is in the same class. Gil, predictably ruins Phil’s presentation. Later, the teacher asks Claire to present about being a stay-at-home mom. But Claire gets slammed with all these questions that make her feel bad about herself. She leaves abruptly, and Gil follows her to offer her a job. Phil knows its to torture him, but supports Claire anyway since its what she wants. She quits after one day.
Lily lost her first tooth and in addition to a lovely card and fair dust she gets $100 dollars. Which was obviously a mistake but when Cam and Mitchell try to convince Lily that the tooth fairy made a mistake and will want her money back, Lily isn’t having it. They bring Haley in as the tooth fairy, but Lily sees right through that. Haley, though, saves the day anyway by saying that keeping the $100 is def worth skipping presents from Santa. Reverse psychology, it’ll get ya.
Jay, feeling a little insecure about how boring his job is, claims that he once thought about being writer but “life” got in the way. When Gloria picks up on the fact that she is “life” she gets out of the way so Jay can pursue his dream. Jay quickly discovers he’s no good at writing, so he has Manny cover for him. But Manny’s sensitivity to Gloria’s critiques gives him away.
- Mitchell’s comments about the fairy dust
- Haley in the tooth fairy costume
- Gil torturing Phil
Luke: For the record, I do all my own wiping.
Claire: You have dumb ideas.
Phil: Name one…that went on for awhile.
Cam: Well obviously the tooth fairy made a mistake.
Mitchell: Maybe it’s cause the tooth fairy had a little too much chardonnay last night.
Previously on How I Met Your Mother: The Time Travelers
Lily is still working for The Captian who has decided he wants to move to Rome and he wants to take her with him. Lily refuses because she believes Marshall loves his job, but when she goes to visit his office and finds out that the firm has all but shut down Marshall offers her the chance to rethink her refusal. When The Captain offers her the position in Rome a second time, she still says no because she is scared. Marshall talks to her about it and they decide to take the plunge and do it.
Robin, Barney and Ted are all trying to see what the wedding planner’s body looks like under her big baggy coat. Ted has seen it in his pilates classes and says it nuclear. Because Robin seems so cool with it Barney is overly interested in finding out whats under the coat. Ted warns him to be careful. RObin is cool, but she will have a limit. Barney doesn’t heed his warning, so we’ll see where that ends up.
- Marshall’s Rome fantasy
- Lily’s Rome Fantasy
- Marshall’s office/job
Ted: Indiana Jones wouldn’t look at this body. This is a body that would melt a Nazi’s face.
Lily: When you said you were about to get reamed?
Marshall: Oh right that. No, sometimes for fun, we throw reams of paper at each other. Bernard! Not a good time! Read the room!
The Bro Mitzvah
This is it. The moment Barney has been waiting for. His Bro Mitzvah (bachelor party)! He’s already given Ted and Marshall a list because he believes the two will not be able to pull it off. Ted and Marshall start by kidnapping Barney, a good start, though this means Barney will skip out on dinner with RObin and his mother. They head to a hotel right outside of AC, have a few beers, hire a clown, bring the wrong karate kid, hire Quinn (ex-fiancee) as stripper, Barney gambled so he loses money for caterer and bets Marshall who he loses to the mafia and Robin dumps him for losing the money, marshall and abandoning her at a disastrous dinner with his mom.
Turns out it was all a hoax, but it was also everything Barney wanted, just in the most effed up ways possible. The last surprise of the evening, the clown was the real karate kid (according to Barney)
Seriously though Robin is a pretty epic fiancee.
- Barney’s kidnapping
- Quinn being the stripper
- Marshall getting his hand cut off
- Barney’s mom thinking Robin was a virgin
Loretta Stinson: You are so funny. What’s gotten into you? Oh that’s right, nothing, ever.
Barney Stinson: Shut it Ralph Maccio! Why don’t you go have a party with Luke Skywalker and Harry Potter and War Horse and all the other movie bad guys and stop ruining mine!
Robin: I’m not a virgin! My napkin ring has seen plenty of breadsticks and one baguette. I dated a center from the Knicks.
Previously on Modern Family: Best Men
The Wow Factor
Remember that house that Cam and Claire bought? Yeah I pretty much didn’t either. Well they’re hard at work trying to flip it. And while Claire’s method for getting what she wants it to throw a bunch of numbers at Cam, Cam’s method is to shoot a few pegs above what he really wants so Claire will negotiate him down and he’ll “settle”. This works until they figure each other out and Cam brings in his lesbian friend who’s a contractor to convince Claire they need fountains in the backyard as the wow factor. Cam’s plan doesn’t work especially the lesbian seems to find Claire attractive. Cam installs it himself and the two have crossed over to the dark side until the goldfish start shooting out of the fountain
Phil wants to teach his daughters how to own a home by showing them a few homeowners tasks they’ll be forced to do, like change a lightbulb. Phil shows them who to light the pilot light again, but when it doesn’t seem to be working sends them to the store so he can call his dad who walks him through how to fix it.
Jay and Joe have a day for bonding which ends with Gloria finding Jay watching the new James Bond movie while an old friend of Claire’s rocks Joe in the lobby. Mitchell wants to teach Lily’s schoolyard bully a lesson so he has Luke teach him how to win at handball. He succeeds and turns himself into the schoolyard bully in the process.
- Lukes training sessions
- Cam freaking over the fish
- Gloria seeing a strange woman rocking her son
Claire: Yesterday I accidentally said eleventy five.
Luke: You’re never off the court!
Jay: Or he took a page from the old Jay Pritchett playbook, saw the crap he was in for and pretended to be asleep
The Future Dunphys
Claire is headed back to the hospital to get some tests done to ensure everything is fine with her heart. Before they go she and Phil have a dispute over what advice they should give their kids. Claire favors forcing them to do what they don’t want to, Phil wants them to do as they please. While at the hospital they see grown up versions of their kids who seem to have turned out fine, but really didn’t. Phil calls to tell the kids to do what they don’t want to, while Claire calls to tell them to follow their heart. The kids worry their parent’s behavior means something is wrong with Claire, but they arrive at the hospital only to receive a text that reads “Mom OK”.
Jay takes Manny to tour a prep school he really wants to attend. Jay is apprehensive at first acting high and mighty because of his past with the preppy jerks. But the more he tours the school the more he wants Manny to attend the school and show up his old rivals. Under the new pressure Manny blows his interview, but Jay lets him know that he is proud of Manny everyday and he should never think otherwise.
Lily meanwhile has decided she’s gay. Cam, Mitchell and Gloria try to understand why she is gay and they come to the realization that she says she’s gay because she wants to be like her dads.
- Jay getting excited about the rare books library
- Present Dunphy kids in the elevator with future Dunphy kids
- The whole scene in the Vietnamese restaurant
Claire: Alex what have I told you about staying out past your curfew?
Alex: I need to do it more often.
Manny: I’ve always felt out of place in public school, like a lone petunia in an onion patch.
Lily: When am I going to get real boobs?