At some point during last night’s episode I realized I was writing down what was going to happen before it did. This doesn’t make me psychic, but it does speak volumes about the depressingly predictability of this episode. We may be moving along with this eighth and final season, it’s just too bad that there’s (mostly) nothing major happening. I’ll take this as my punishment for watching and loving (yes, still) a show that over-stayed its welcome.
Guilt can make people do bizarre things, including pushing two opposites together in a strange way. Carlos and Susan share an unspoken bond over what they’re feeling, and everything about their situation alludes to a budding romance. As they returned from their accidental midnight stroll, Mike was watching and spent the rest of the episode wondering what exactly was going on between his wife and close friend.
When Carlos asked Susan to lunch she told him she couldn’t because it might be too intimate. Somehow the level of intimacy was just fine when he went out of his way to do community service with her. Mike eventually caught the two and punched Carlos in the face, but not before the two realized the feelings that were developing. Given all that transpired this episode, anything budding between them may have been sufficiently nipped. But will Gaby find out about what almost happened?
Bree and Gaby
Gaby’s storyline was intrinsically connected to Bree and her relationship with Chuck. When Bree failed to end things with her detective beau, she had to explain things to Gaby and sure enough, the two concocted a plan to find out whether or not Chuck was the one who sent the letter. During the snooping, Bree found a picture of her hand and an envelope with her name on it. Although the evidence pointed to one thing, it was pretty obvious that Chuck wanted to propose.
After the requisite Desperate Housewives style sneaky antics, Bree and Chuck eventually end up at dinner. When Bree finds out that Chuck plans to propose, she realizes she has to break up with him. Chuck’s reaction to being dumped by the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with was natural…but also a little disturbing. Does he have anger issues? If so, are they one of the reasons his wife began sleeping with his former partner?
Rene and Lee
My first thought: “Why in the hell would Lee come to Rene of all people to take his daughter shopping for bras?!” She’s not one of the more maternal women of Wisteria Lane…something she immediately points out. Regardless, Rene jumps right into the pseudo-mommy role, much to Lee’s chagrin.
Jenny, Lee and Bob’s daughter, enjoys doing “girly” things with Rene, which she expresses she can’t do with her daddy. After a mini-blowup, Rene convinces Lee that he’s a great dad and that Jenny is very lucky. Aside from speaking on some of the hurdles that come with adoption, this storyline didn’t really do anything. We already knew last season that Rene had feelings of emptiness about not having kids. Maybe we’ll see more of Rene and Jenny spending time together. Will this all play out with Lee, Bob and Rene (aka a few of the show’s severely under utilized characters) getting more screen time?
Lydia, Lynette’s loopy sister, came to visit. Lynette was prepared to greet her sister and help her recover from whatever emotional disaster she’d found herself in. Unfortunately for Lynette, Lydia is happily engaged and has come to help her big sister deal with her own crappy life and issues with Tom.
One thing we’ve learned about Lynette is that she can’t handle seeing someone she loves have any success if she’s not having her own (i.e., Bree in season five). Another thing we’ve learned over the past eight years is that Lynette has never been the “warm and gooey” type. The impact of her own separation and seeing her sister in a healthy relationship brings out the bitch in Lynette, something she doesn’t realize she’s even doing until AFTER she breaks up their engagement.
Of course she goes to repair things and all is right again. But at some point Lynette’s going to move past simply addressing her issues and actually doing something to fix them…right? It’s frustrating seeing her do all of this horrible stuff to her nearest and dearest relationships, only to have these annoying moments of introspection in hindsight. Is it too much to ask that all of this is a great setup for her genuinely working on her issues and winning Tom back?
Carlos and Susan told Mike about why they’ve really been so secretive. Mike didn’t take it well, but this was probably due to his wife lying to him. I think once he has time to move past that particular, he’ll be way more understanding.
Bree dumps Chuck. Chuck gets angry. But not “my girlfriend dumped me angry” more like “I’m going to make you regret this because maybe I know a few of your secrets”. I genuinely didn’t see the breakup coming, but I don’t think it bodes well for Bree and company getting away with murder.
History truly does have a way of repeating itself. When Mary Alice referenced this, she was making the connection between herself and Bree. I was more focused on how familiar the feeling of raised expectations followed by huge letdowns Desperate Housewives has offered throughout the years. With this in mind, I’m not allowing any major plot revelations that may have occurred in this episode to cause me excitement…just yet.
Our favorite redhead is still jumpy around her cop beau. With her letter in hand, she visits Paul Young in jail and alludes to the secret she’s hiding. We didn’t really receive any clues on who sent the letter until the very end, which we’ll discuss shortly. Overall, this episode reminded me of the tense Bree of seasons past.
38 days without sex turns Gabby into the insensitive, narcissistic season one Gabby. Clearly Carlos is having problems in bed because he MURDERED SOMEONE. And obviously, the very forced and very awkward stripper scene wasn’t going to make her husband just forget everything and ravish her. If only she’d realized that before initiating a very uncomfortable DH scene where the ladies sat around the poker table and had a sex talk that lacked all the steaminess the show used to have tenfold.
Silly petty crimes? Aren’t we past this? Haven’t we decided to give Susan some depth? No…fine. Pretending Susan isn’t the most annoying character on the show, I feel bad for her. She didn’t ask to be put in this situation and she doesn’t really have anyone to share her remorse with…except, as we learn by episode’s end, she does.
When couple’s split, whether amicably or with someone’s heart being ripped out and left to die on the side of the road, all of the little stuff comes up. We knew Tom had a ton of things he’s probably always wanted to say to his generally over-bearing wife, but it wasn’t all that thrilling seeing him embrace the coldness mastered by exes. Aside from the gimmicky keg stand, the only thing revealed in this episode was that the two are capable of having heart-to-hearts without the snark.
Renee’s story is another DH throwback, as this whole desperately trying to snare Ben plot is something Edie would have done. I really need them to utilize her before the season’s end and not just because I miss the pizazz of Vanessa Williams’ Wilhelmina Slater.
So the major shockers of this episode: Chuck (Bree’s new beau) may have something to do with her letter and Carlos and Susan may have a connection of the adulterous variety. I know both of these are too good to be true, but I have my fingers crossed that the Carlos/Susan story happens. I don’t want DH for the morals and this would be something unexplored, which is something this final season desperately needs. Minor shock: Ben may or may not be a good or bad guy…notice the ambiguity? With this show he could be both, neither or some weird mix of the two.
Desperate Housewives’ eighth and final season started tonight and as with any show that may have overstayed its welcome – One Tree Hill, Entourage, Heroes, etc. – this can be a time for opportunity. Most shows have done it all at this point, throwing in everything from “shocking” murders to huge sweeps week storylines (something all DH viewers know is a yearly occurrence in the form of the “Disaster Episode”).
When a show has the opportunity to end on a note of their choosing, long time fans can be rewarded with the storyline(s) we’d always hoped for, but never thought we would see (Ari and Dana Gordon finally acting on all that sexual tension) and old favorites can be carted back out for one last hurray (Lucas returning to OTH).
I remember tuning into Desperate Housewives to fill the gaping hole that Sex and the City had left just a few months before. I watched the first few seasons with an almost sick fascination with women whose lives were my worst nightmare. Sure being a wife and mother sounds like a jolly good time, but the ‘desperate’ and ‘housewife’ angles always made me break out into a cold sweat. The years (and seasons) have passed and although I’m still steadfastly anti any lifestyle that leaves me desperate enough to sleep with the underage gardener, that has nothing to do with my love for the show.
So here we are, one episode into the final season of the show that made some of the 90s finest (Lois Lane and Dr. Kimberly Shaw, of course) relevant again. “Secrets That I Never Want to Know” was the nighttime soap quality I’ve come to expect from Desperate Housewives. I like when a show comes full-circle and DH definitely got back to that first season, “Why did Mary Alice kill herself?!?!” feel tonight.
The following are just a few of the questions I was left with, as well as what I expect to see next week:
- Is the murder going to be the major story for this season? Watching these ladies avoid getting caught will only be humorous so many times, I expect a resolution of sorts by mid-season, followed by another HUGE mystery to carry us through to the series finale.
- Are Celia, Penny and Parker going to receive any type of relevant story lines this season? Just curious.
- When did Bree make the transition from saintly Madonna to whore-like? Don’t misunderstand me, I LOVE seeing her like this, but I can’t pinpoint when the change happened. I blame Brian Austin Green!
- Mike has been to prison and “accidentally” killed a man, why is Susan the only one that thinks he would be able to handle their secret?
- Who is going to break first: Susan or Carlos? I think Susan will be the first to tell someone (Mike) but Carlos will probably turn himself in, unnecessarily.
- Is Lynette really over Tom? How long are they going to drag this out for? I don’t want to see Lynette date around and I don’t think I can handle seeing that look of hurt Tom sported several times throughout this episode ever, ever again.
- The letter Bree received was obviously meant to be reminiscent of the one that drove Mary Alice to commit suicide, except I don’t think it has anything to do with this season’s mystery.
- What’s the new neighbor’s deal? No one ever moves onto Wisteria Lane for a normal reason, but they’ve already covered murderers to death. Maybe he’s really just there to provide Renee with something more to do than shoot off a few witty comments every few episodes.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you could do this professionally.” – Detective Chuck Vance…post coitus
“There’s no coffee, no poker. No bitching about husbands over coffee and poker.” – Mike
“Continue my son – (giggles) – my son. I’m sorry, it’s just, you’re like a thousand years older than me.” – The Father who also tweets during confession
“Mens cologne?” – Det. Vance
“She’s a lesbian!” – Bree
“I’m going to go see the new neighbor. You know…give him a ride on the ol’ welcome wagon.” – Renee aka “the ol’ welcome wagon”
Am I asking for too much? Should I expect to see this “murder mystery” spread out over the whole season? Did I miss a pertinent detail? Are you glad to know that you aren’t the only one still watching this show? No seriously, if I missed something, let me know…I want to get the full experience.