desperate housewievs recapping: watch while i revise the world

At some point during last night’s episode I realized I was writing down what was going to happen before it did. This doesn’t make me psychic, but it does speak volumes about the depressingly predictability of this episode. We may be moving along with this eighth and final season, it’s just too bad that there’s (mostly) nothing major happening. I’ll take this as my punishment for watching and loving (yes, still) a show that over-stayed its welcome.

Susan

Guilt can make people do bizarre things, including pushing two opposites together in a strange way. Carlos and Susan share an unspoken bond over what they’re feeling, and everything about their situation alludes to a budding romance. As they returned from their accidental midnight stroll, Mike was watching and spent the rest of the episode wondering what exactly was going on between his wife and close friend.

When Carlos asked Susan to lunch she told him she couldn’t because it might be too intimate. Somehow the level of intimacy was just fine when he went out of his way to do community service with her. Mike eventually caught the two and punched Carlos in the face, but not before the two realized the feelings that were developing. Given all that transpired this episode, anything budding between them may have been sufficiently nipped. But will Gaby find out about what almost happened?

Bree and Gaby

Gaby’s storyline was intrinsically connected to Bree and her relationship with Chuck. When Bree failed to end things with her detective beau, she had to explain things to Gaby and sure enough, the two concocted a plan to find out whether or not Chuck was the one who sent the letter. During the snooping, Bree found a picture of her hand and an envelope with her name on it. Although the evidence pointed to one thing, it was pretty obvious that Chuck wanted to propose.

After the requisite Desperate Housewives style sneaky antics, Bree and Chuck eventually end up at dinner. When Bree finds out that Chuck plans to propose, she realizes she has to break up with him. Chuck’s reaction to being dumped by the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with was natural…but also a little disturbing. Does he have anger issues? If so, are they one of the reasons his wife began sleeping with his former partner?

Rene and Lee

My first thought: “Why in the hell would Lee come to Rene of all people to take his daughter shopping for bras?!” She’s not one of the more maternal women of Wisteria Lane…something she immediately points out. Regardless, Rene jumps right into the pseudo-mommy role, much to Lee’s chagrin.

Jenny, Lee and Bob’s daughter, enjoys doing “girly” things with Rene, which she expresses she can’t do with her daddy. After a mini-blowup, Rene convinces Lee that he’s a great dad and that Jenny is very lucky. Aside from speaking on some of the hurdles that come with adoption, this storyline didn’t really do anything. We already knew last season that Rene had feelings of emptiness about not having kids. Maybe we’ll see more of Rene and Jenny spending time together. Will this all play out with Lee, Bob and Rene (aka a few of the show’s severely under utilized characters) getting more screen time?

Lynette

Lydia, Lynette’s loopy sister, came to visit. Lynette was prepared to greet her sister and help her recover from whatever emotional disaster she’d found herself in. Unfortunately for Lynette, Lydia is happily engaged and has come to help her big sister deal with her own crappy life and issues with Tom.

One thing we’ve learned about Lynette is that she can’t handle seeing someone she loves have any success if she’s not having her own (i.e., Bree in season five). Another thing we’ve learned over the past eight years is that Lynette has never been the “warm and gooey” type. The impact of her own separation and seeing her sister in a healthy relationship brings out the bitch in Lynette, something she doesn’t realize she’s even doing until AFTER she breaks up their engagement.

Of course she goes to repair things and all is right again. But at some point Lynette’s going to move past simply addressing her issues and actually doing something to fix them…right? It’s frustrating seeing her do all of this horrible stuff to her nearest and dearest relationships, only to have these annoying moments of introspection in hindsight. Is it too much to ask that all of this is a great setup for her genuinely working on her issues and winning Tom back?

Major Shockers

Carlos and Susan told Mike about why they’ve really been so secretive. Mike didn’t take it well, but this was probably due to his wife lying to him. I think once he has time to move past that particular, he’ll be way more understanding.

Bree dumps Chuck. Chuck gets angry. But not “my girlfriend dumped me angry” more like “I’m going to make you regret this because maybe I know a few of your secrets”. I genuinely didn’t see the breakup coming, but I don’t think it bodes well for Bree and company getting away with murder.

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