In an attempt to get Haley excited about college, Phil takes her to visit his alma mater (Go Bullfrogs, or Bulldogs, or whatever) and with Alex and Luke both at sleepovers Claire is free to have a night to herself. Naturally, for a good time, she goes to the two gay men in her life, Mitchell and Cam. Unfortunately for Claire, Mitchell and Cam are no longer gay men, they’re old women who have to be in bed by 8:00. Phil tries to entice Haley into going to his school by talking about all the good time and, as usual, over sharing. He talks about sliding down the hill on lunch trays, drinking beer, and taking back the night. Then he joins the cheer leading squad for a cheer and a toe touch.
Gloria wants Jay to spend more time with her, so he’s agreed to watch her Colombian soap operas. But Gloria is too preoccupied with the package that Manny received in the mail and whisked up to his room before she could take a look, to focus on the show, which apparently Jay is really getting into. Jay sheds his wisdom on the situation and comes to the conclusion that Manny has ordered a stack of playboys or something of the like and is now enjoying them in his room, which horrifies Gloria.
Unwilling to let Cam and Mitchell act as the wet blankets on her one night of freedom, Claire accepts an offer to be shown a good time but a gorgeous French man who she assumes to be gay because of the company he’s in. She’s flirting innocently, undressing in front of him, and asking for fashion advice, but since he’s not gay this all comes off as throwing herself at him, which, unfortunately for Claire, gets pointed out in front the gossipy moms who are watching the sleepover Luke’s at.
Cam and Mitchell go home, but the valet brought them the wrong Prius. Within the Prius they discover tickets, parking passes, vacation reservations, and more things to show them they may have become old ladies. When they try to return the car to its proper owner, they get attacked by a crazy woman and decide to go home with the hopes that their car will magically appear, like the cow on the farm. No sooner have they made the acclamation, when a man pulls up in their Prius and seeing the state of his car assumes they’ve met his wife. With the adventurous life proven to be the life of a cheater, they agree their quiet life is much better.
Phil and Haley go out for Buffalo wings, which are so good even Haley eats them unabashedly as she gets sauce all over her face. When a girl invites her to a student mixer, she declines the offer in favor of hanging out with her dad. Phil can tell she wants to go, so he wipes the sauce off her face and sends her on her way. He knows she’ll be safe because she has GPS tracking her cell phone, but when he discovers she’s at a Phi Chi frat house he runs across campus to find her. He grabs the drink that’s being handed to her by some frat boy. He smells it realizing it is ginger ale and then looks at the frat boy who Haley says isn’t a frat boy but someone she goes to high school with. Haley runs away from her dad and the scene he’s caused, and Phil chases her. After being mistaken for a college kid bothering Haley, Phil and Haley have a heart to heart and Haley realizes how hard it will be for her dad when she goes off to school. Then, together, they grab a couple of lunch trays and slide down the hill.
Gloria, still seething with curiosity, can no longer take it. She sends a reluctant Jay up to Manny’s room but right outside the door they hear Manny yelling for help because he’s stuck. Gloria panics and sends a still reluctant but calm Jay into the room. Jay finds many hanging upside down, apparently trying to make himself taller for the girl he likes. Gloria is relieved that Manny is still a little boy. Jay tells Manny he’ll help him get the girls by helping him work out.
There were a lot of good moments in this episode, though for me it wasn’t as funny as last week. Still, the show never fails to entertain me and when the half hour is up it always seems too soon.
Jay: I’m just saying, the guy’s a judge. He can put a shirt on.
Phil: There she is, the old library. I had some late nights in there — some of them I even spent studying. Don’t tell your mom.
Haley: And maybe don’t tell me.
Mitchell: I don’t know about you, but I have about five minutes of fabulous left in me.
Mitchell: When did hats come back?
Cam: That one’s come back about eight times. Pick a side of the room, lady!
Manny: Everyone else is getting taller but me. You think it’s the coffee?