tvdinner&amovie

Previous New Girl Quotes: Re-Launch and Katie

• “I need your help. I don’t know what to do. I’m terrible at casual sex. I left him in there with crayons and paper like he’s a kid in a restaurant and I told him I had to check my fantasy football.” – Jess
  “You don’t even know what that is.” – Nick
  “No sir, I do not know what that is. I panicked, help me.” – Jess
• “I deserve to have a shorty on the side.” – Jess
  “Yeah, shorty’s not…that’s the wrong use of shorty.“ – Nick
• “It’s after Labor Day. I’m wearing whales.” – Schmidt
  “You look like the bad guy in an 80s high school movie.” – Nick
• “Friending Kanye is the most efficient way for me to jump social strata. Now all I have to do is meet him and then dazzle him to the point that we’re each other’s last call before bed. Yo, what up K. Yeah, I’m just going to sleep. You watching Fallon? That brotha is crazy.” – Schmidt
• “Last night was horrible. Sam came over, we tried to make out, I stopped it, and then we just laid there like two old people in The Notebook, waiting to die.” – Jess
• “Can’t miss this Nick. I got the belt on, I took Winston with me to prove that I can be friends with black people, even oddly shaped ones.” – Schmidt
• “Whoa. I forgot what you look like when you’re not dressed like the loft troll.” – Nick
• “…I can afford the valet charge and the ‘add onions’.” – Nick
• “I’m Tugg Romney. Tagg’s everywhere, too much Tagg for me.” – Schmidt
• “Sure, I’m not doing anything. But don’t let me lay eyes on the Malm collection. I can’t afford it, I’m a sucker for it every time.” – Nick
• “You know they have Romney Olympics every summer at the lake house? I bet that’s a hoot. I’m sure it’s like the real Olympics, only the white people win the sprints.” – Schmidt
• “Sleeping Nick is a totally different guy.” – Nick
• “Nickels are worse than no money!” – Jess
• “That was a pocket dial. That was an ill-time pocket dial. I will not explain myself!” – Nick
• “Sometimes I think that I’m just a riddle that, well, even I can’t solve.
  ::pensive look::
  Yeah, see I tried to solve it again.” – Schmidt
• “We don’t drink the beers Courtney. We just buy them to support American breweries. Then we dump them in the lake, because we’re Americans.” – Schmidt
• “This isn’t a sex thing is it? Because I can’t pleasure a woman and build a dresser at the same time, you know? I’m not God.” – Sam
• “…and never Adele.” – Winston
  “Adele?” – Nick
  “Never Adele.” – Winston
  “Adele’s amazing.” – Nick
  “No Adele. No concerts. No music. No t-shirts. No nothing.” – Winston
  “But guys and girls…” – Nick
  “NEVER ADELE!” – Winston (Dear writers, please figure out what to do with Winston. You’re wasting a very funny character, which is becoming increasingly annoying. Thank you.)
• “Are you spelling it right? Two ‘Gs’, silent ‘B’.” – Schmidt
• “Nitpicking turns me off. You’re all horribly unattractive to me. Tugg Romney out.” – Schmidt
• “Hey, I got your text. When you’re going through a ‘Taylor Swift-like range of emotions’, I should come over, right?” – Cece
  “You’re the only one I could talk to. Being brown, you have the wisdom of a thousand white women.” – Schmidt
• “Forget it Jess. I’m building you the dresser. I love this stuff. It’s like high-stakes LEGOs.” – Nick
• “Maybe I should just stop trying with Sam. I’m old-fashioned below the belt. I’ve got a Civil War-era piece of equipment and that’s all she wrote.” – Jess