new girl’s best quotes: neighbors

Previous New Girl quotes: Fluffer

  • “I’ve actually been working on something.” – Jess
    “A resume? Maybe?” – Schmidt

  • “Did I do that?” – Jess
    “I’m sorry, did you just say you were working on that?” – Schmidt
    “It’s Urkel!” – Jess
    “Urkel? Urkel, Jess? Look, it’s perfectly fine to watch TV all day.” – Nick
    “No it’s not!” – Winston/Schmidt
    “But Urkel? Not even in my darkest moments did I do Urkel.” – Nick

  • “Jess, the men in suits here, the professionals, would like to know what the plan is.” – Schmidt
    “I’m a professional.” – Nick
    “You’re not, please, you work in a bar, it’s a whole different thing. I respect you, just, please.” – Schmidt

  • “I crushed it all day today, and then I crushed it some more, and then it asked me what I was doing and I told it that I was crushing it. That’s what I do on a daily basis Jess. You used to inspire me. I mean n-not specifically, because I find teaching to be icky. But, in a vague, kind of ‘look at the go-getter in a brightly colored sweater’ kind of way. What happened to the inspiring, visor-less Jess?” – Schmidt

  • “I like where your head’s at. We’re going to be there with bells on. Dolla-dolla-bells y’all.” – Schmidt

  • “Behold, this actuarial table stops at age 99. But if you track my current trajectory, I’m clearly going to live ’til I’m 123 years old, so, hello robot sex.” – Schmidt

  • “I like getting older, I feel like I’m finally aging into my personality.” – Nick

  • “Apparently, I’m going to be growing forever, I’m like a Jewish Peter Pan.” – Schmidt (Partial quote because I didn’t want to misspell all of his Jewish Peter Pan-isms and I’m too lazy to look up the correct spelling up right now. So, yeah, hooray for honesty)


  • “That’s how she cassa-rolls.” – Schmidt

  • “If I had a dollar for everybody I couldn’t hang out with because they hated Schmidt, I’d be rich. Like ‘fill my gas tank all the way up’ rich.” – Nick

  • “They call me Prank Sinatra.” – Winston
    “No, you call you Prank Sinatra.” – Nick


  • “What do you guys think about the length of my sideburns? It’s new. Daring or gauche?” – Schmidt

  • “And where have you been all night young lady? Jumping around to your hippity-hop? Taking your drug pills and smoking your hash stick? I’m actually asking, I’m not doing a thing right here.” – Nick

  • “Ay-yi-yi, I am cons-to the- pizz-o.” – Schmidt (That’s ‘constipated’ for all you kids that don’t know/understand the intricate mechanics of slang)


  • “Jess, we don’t care if you stole your catchphrase from some low budget web series, we still want to hang out.” – Chaz, played by Charlie Saxton, made me miss Hung

  • “Do you think I want to work at the Casserole Shanty? Do you know what the people I work with call it? The Asserole Shanty.” – Jess

  • “We don’t hate you for being old, we hate you because you’re a viciously unbearable asshead.” – Chaz

  • “This is like the end of a horror movie.” – Jess
    “Or the beginning of a pranking movie.” – Nick
    “There are no pranking movies.” – Nick
    “Yet.” – Nick
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One thought on “new girl’s best quotes: neighbors

  1. […] Previous New Girl quotes: Neighbors […]

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