it’s always sunny in philadelphia’s best quotes: maureen ponderosa’s wedding massacre

Previous IASIP quotes: The Gang Recycles Their Trash

“Wait. What! You?! Wait, Liam, you’re marrying Maureen?”- Dennis
“Big time. Don’t be jelly.” – Liam McPoyle

———-

“Why did you want to break up the wedding?” – Detective Marconi (played by Jeremy Ratchford)
“For all the things he just said, that was accurate.” – Frank

———-

“They have to be stopped. The McPoyle bloodline has been clean and pure for a thousand years. This marriage is an abomination.”Ryan McPoyle
“Now, when you say ‘pure and clean’, uh, you mean what exactly?” – Sweet Dee
“Means we haven’t bred outside the bloodline.” – Ryan
“For a thousand years?” – Sweet Dee
“Yeah.” – Ryan
That makes a lot of sense.” – Sweet Dee

———-

“Deel-dul-le-dee. Miss me? Don’t answer that.” – Bill Ponderosa

———-

“My Maureen, you’ve…you’ve enhanced yourself.” – Dennis
“Yeah, I got my tooth fixed.” – Maureen
“I’m talking about your tits. Your big, giant, new titties Maureen!” – Dennis

———-

“What are you doing?! You doing a speech from Jaws? Are you doing Jaws?! We don’t have time for this shit, this is serious!” – Dennis

———-

“Legions of us thousand sturdy once ruled this fine land. Our bloodline was as pure as the driven snow.” – Liam
“Mmhmm…and then what happened?” – Sweet Dee
“Syphilis killed about half of us. Mongrelism got most of the rest.” – Liam

———-

“…if anything, it would turn you into a vampire.” – Mac
“Right. Or a bat. Or Batman.” – Charlie
“No. A vampire turns you into a vampire. A zombie turns you into a zombie. And Batman didn’t get turned into anything, he just likes bats.” – Mac
“That can’t possibly be what Batman is about. It’s about a grown man who dresses up like a bat…” – Charlie
“…who goes around solving crimes and mysteries. Yes.” – Mac
“These are Academy Award-winning movies. This is serious stuff.” – Charlie
“Well, you know the Academy, Charlie. I mean…sometimes it’s atrocious.” – Mac

———-

“C’mon, it’ll loosen you up a bit, make your butthole hot.” – Bill
“How is drinking a glass of milk going to loosen me up, Bill?” – Sweet Dee
“I spiked the milk with Methylenedioxypyrovalerone.” – Bill
“What?” – Sweet Dee
“It’s bath salts. Yeah, it’s like coke and acid and, like, meth all combined.” – Bill

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