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Previous IASIP quotes: Maureen Ponderosa’s Wedding Massacre

“If you don’t have car insurance, you better have dental, because I’m going to smash your teeth into dust.” – Sweet Dee

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“My whole family was a Taft family. My uncles and grandfathers and cousins all worked for TAFTCO Enterprises. My uncle even drowned in a vat of their molten steel.” – Mac
“He didn’t drown, he burned up.” – Frank
“He probably burned. Yeah, I don’t think he drowned.” – Charlie

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“Be anybody but yourselves. ANYBODY. Charlie, do not eat any cheese or any cheese-like substances. If you see any cheese, you run away from it! Dee, do not be a drunk, punchy whore. OK you whore?” – Mac

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“You like this pit stain?” – Sweet Dee
“That’s nasty yo!” – Charlie

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“What Dee? She’s constantly being crushed, she’ll bounce back, she always does. Or she won’t. It doesn’t matter, I don’t care about that. All I care about is Charlie here.” – Dennis

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“I love how free and uninhibited you are.” – Trevor
“Oh yeah? How ”bout I free that big, fat snake in your pants and uninhibit myself allll over it.” –  Sweet Dee

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“I’ve got more of a Catholic thing going on…sort of a, hand of God.” – Mac

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“I should have known better, cuz I’m practically a Taft myself. My uncle is probably built into the foundation of this place.” – Mac
“Really? Weird.” – Trevor

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“Trevor, why would you tell him that?” – Jameson Taft
“I didn’t know I was being filmed!” – Trevor
“If you’re in my room, you’re always being filmed.” – Dennis

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“Oh yeah, I know. OK? I was using you. That’s why I kissed you in front of the Waitress. That’s why I banged you a bunch of times, just to make the Waitress jealous. Amazing. You slept with me almost instantly. And by the way, a quality woman doesn’t do that, she doesn’t say ‘yes’ right away. She says ‘no’ to a man for years, like ten years! That’s what a real woman does, OK? You know what you were acting like? A stupid, little rich slut, and that’s all that you are.” – Charlie
“How can you do this to me?” – Ruby
“Are you still talking? Go away dum-dum. Go run and hide. Go from me. I don’t want to see you.” – Charlie

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Other notables:

• Trevor Taft was played by Josh Casaubon
• Ruby Taft was played by Alexandra Daddario
• Hated her as Daphne (Happy Endings), really hated her as Caroline (New Girl), yet Mary Elizabeth Ellis’ Waitress is horrible to Charlie and somehow, that never gets old.
• Sweet Dee’s dancing has improved…slightly.
• Mac obviously held on to a Hawaiian shirt or two from his Fat Mac days.