new girl’s best quotes: parents

Previous New Girl quotes: Menzies

“Jess, I’m not done with that. It’s $18 granola, handmade.” – Schmidt

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“I should also warn you guys that my mom is a little bit perky.” – Jess
“Wait, you think she’s perky?” – Winston
“Well, she doesn’t have my dark side; I got that from my dad.” – Jess

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“You know what I’m thankful for today? Divorce.” – Bob Day (Jess’ dad)

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“Let’s just say that my cousin doesn’t exactly have the most sophisticated palette. Raised by wolf-like parents in the wilds of Minnesota, he actually went to juvie for stealing the synagogue’s minivan. He’s been that way since we were kids. Made my life a living hell.” – Schmidt

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“I thought everyone knew. You grieved so publicly on Instagram, all those pictures of sad trees and your lunches.” – Jess

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“A parent trap takes weeks of scheduling, I feel like you’re just throwing this together. This is a makeshift parent trap, probably won’t work.” – Nick

“Why do you have to ruin everything?” – Jess

I don’t know! I’ve got something bad inside me, I ruin things…let’s do this parent trap.”-  Nick

———-

“So your hair just does like this one thing, right?” – Jess

———-

“Wow, I look like a slutty Katie Couric.” – Joan Day (Jess’ mom)

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“Seems to me like this whole things is a draw. I mean, you did touch a hotter pan, but he ate a much bigger candle. I mean, you belched longer, but he farted louder. You punched a tree, he headbutted a bench. You both bailed on the fifth testicle punch. I mean, Schmidt, how much more can you take?” – Winston

———-

“Know this, your caveman ideas about manhood are so over. Manhood today is about exfoliation, cheese courses, emotional honesty, and Paxil. And yes, cutting peppers in the classic style de Julienne. You may have bested me in the competition of pre-Clinton manhood but I am Schmidt, a refined and enlightened pescatarian, 90% of the time.” – Schmidt

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Other notables:

  • Joan Day was played by Jamie Lee Curtis, who starred in Freaky Friday alongside Lindsay Lohan, who was in the remake of The Parent Trap.
  • Bob Day was played by Rob Reiner. I’m sure there’s several ways to connect him to Lindsay Lohan…but I’m lazy.
  • Big Schmidt was played by Rob Riggle, who was in the Billy Crystal and Rob Reiner “remake” of When Harry Met Sally.
  • Speaking of  family, when are we going to meet the parents that birthed the douche-y magnificence that is Schmidt?
  • Visually, this was my favorite Jess moment of the episode.
  • Schmidt kissing a man isn’t a new thing: EXAMPLE A and EXAMPLE B
  • Nick’s whole zombie love story that sounds eerily like Twilight isn’t all that farfetched. In fact, it’s a very real thing called Warm Bodies.
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