Author Archives: will33t4food

thoughts on community: digital estate planning

Previously on Community: Curriculum Unavailable

So we’ve had pillow forts, blanket towns, alternate realities, and collegiate coups…it’s only right that we get some good ol’ fashioned 8-bit gaming. Some of my favorite eppies of Community are the ones where reality takes a back seat to imaginative awesome and this one definitely followed suit. The study group has to figure out a way to beat Cornelius’ game “Hawkthorne” and Pierce’s half-brother Gilbert (Giancarlo Esposito, Breaking Bad and Once Upon a Time) to get Pierce’s inheritance. During the retro voyage we learn essential lessons about: racism, robbery, murder, suicide, infidelity, child labor, and teamwork. Count me in!

  • Gilbert’s mom was referred to as the “Colored Seductress”. (Note to self: Use immediately!)
  • Kill the jive turkeys before they multiply!” –Ronald Reagan Britta
  • Why did Troy’s character jump the highest and do flips in the air? Racial buffs, I suppose…?
  • I’ve never played a game where you could kill yourself by getting buried alive. Yeah it may be a tad morbid but Pierce trying to off himself was priceless.
  • I feel like we missed out on some debauchery on “Gay Island”. At least we know Jeff “did good in there”. Dean Pelton missed all the fun.
  • Troy and Abed shooting lava! ” Bonus points for Troy’s mechanical T-Rex with projectile vomit lava.
  • I’m still not sure how I feel about Pierce getting naked with Troy while no one else was around…
  • Seeing those trees cut down in order to build Abed and Hilda’s Castle(s) reminded me of FernGully ):
  • Even though Gilbert had all the ultimate cheat codes enabled why was ‘Unlimited Running” on the list TWICE along with “Testicular Fortitude” AND “Intestinal Fortitude”? He activated “God Mode”, I think that would cover all the necessary bases…

Quotes

Man, why can’t my mom be here? She always says my video game knowledge would come in handy, I never believed her.” -Troy

Stop playing like a girl? Here’s the thing about women, Jeff: We don’t hack and slash our way through life because we’re one with life.” -Britta
*Meanwhile in the Zelda-esque shopping center* “Shirley, help me hide the body.” -Annie

Where are your clothes?” -Abed
Pierce taught me poker…I’m not…good at it.” -Troy

Unbelievable. Jeff bet all our lives on Britta and won. And I lost my pants to a pair of nines.” -Troy

Uh-oh. He’s playing the “Rainman” card, let’s bounce.” -Pierce

She can make babies for me.” -Abed
Oh, and I can’t?…I can’t.” -Troy

Will is a (not so) recovering TV and movie addict and TVDM only helps in feeding his vices. TVDM is the best outlet for him to spread his disease -without the use of airborne pathogens...

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glee recapping: nationals

Here’s what you missed on Glee: Props

Story

  • The New Directions are on edge about their upcoming performance.
  • Shuester questions whether he has done enough to prepare the kids for all that awaits them.
  • Finn bets Rick “The Stick” $500 that The New Directions win at Nationals.
  • Wade (“Unique”) doesn’t think he can handle the pressure he is under after his last performance.
  • Carmen Tibideaux comes to see Rachel perform at Nationals in Chicago.

Lindsay doing her best “derp” face.

Well, Obviously: When the New Directions made it to Nationals last year I expected them to win. I thought the point of the show was to make the characters hate each other for their differences and still find a way to win every competition. And, I guess, half of that is true. But this time–I think it’s safe to say–we all knew they had to win Nationals. Their selections were solid and energetic but I didn’t think it was their best. Can Blaine and the Left-Overs do the same thing next year is my question now.

Unique Runner-Up: If you didn’t know by now, Alex Newell (Wade/Unique) was a runner-up on the first season of The Glee Project. He, along with fellow runner-up Lindsay Pearce, were guaranteed a two-episode arc on the hit show. Yes, Lindsay’s “Harmony” character may have given Rachel and Kurt a scare earlier in the season with her amazing performances but did you really remember her character two weeks later? Whereas with Newell’s “Wade” character it seems that he is going to have more staying power. Whether it be because of controversy, another unique storyline (pun not intended but you’ll allow it), or whatever else, I think Newell might be getting a new contract in the near future.

Honorable Mentions:

  • I doubt Lindsay Lohan is still, or has ever been, “America’s Sweetheart”.
  • Speaking of Ms. Lohan, why did both she and Perez Hilton get to play themselves, while Rex Lee (Lloyd, Entourage) was forced to play some made-up nobody?!
  • For a girl who could barely stand just a week ago–I’ll give you three weeks for the sake of TV to reality translation–Quinn was surely twirling and jumping around with the best of them.
  • Finally, Emma. Finally.
  • Did Wade/Unique give us a teaser for his possible transfer next season?
  • Props to Jesse for putting a good word in for Rachel…because he might be the only character that loves himself more than Rachel loves Streisand.

Music*

Edge of Glory – The Troubletones (A) I have no problem saying I preferred the Troubletones performance over most of the New Direction performances from this season. Somehow the addition of Quinn and Tina didn’t hinder or help the girl group dynamic, and Santana can now (un)officially be name Most Improved Performer from seasons 1-3.

It’s All Coming Back to Me Now  – Rachel (A) For the first time in a long time, Rachel gave me chills. This isn’t to say that she lost her “Rachelness”, but she definitely hasn’t had her usual “it” this season, or at least she didn’t until this performance.

Paradise By the Dashboard Light  – The New Directions (A) An unusual song pick? Undoubtedly. As precise as the Vocal Adrenaline offerings? Not even close. However, something about the way they interact on the stage, like best friends or adorably energetic members of the Mickey Mouse Club, is just the type of corny, “we are family” energy no other glee club can touch. Hence, the win.

Starships/Pinball Wizard – Unique and Vocal Adrenaline (A) While Unique’s split, as well as Nicki Minaj and the exemplary usage of props, should have been enough to secure a win, it was only good enough to land them second place.

Tongue Tied – The New Directions (A) I’m sure they’ve done it before, but I can’t recall another time when we heard a song on Glee without some form of performance to accompany it. If this in fact the first time it’s been done, I’d be more than pleased to have it become a continuing thing. If I’m wrong, and this happens all the time, please ignore the first part of this paragraph. Also, finally Emma. Finally.

We are the Champions -The New Directions (A) Instead of everyone saying heartfelt goodbyes and sitting around discussing what comes next, they simply celebrated their collective win and Schue as Teacher of the Year. What a fitting way to head into the end of the season, as well as the original era of Glee. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who teared up quite a bit as the episode came to a close.

Quotes

Are you forgetting who you are Jesse?  Your Bohemian Rhapsody was, like, the benchmark performance of every show choir competition in the past ten years.” –Rachel
Most people don’t realize I lost ten pounds during that performance.” –Jesse

“I show up here and there’s not even a red button to push and a chair to spin me around where I can then point at a kid on stage and yell ‘I wanna work with you!’ Really? I’m firing my manager.” -Lindsay Lohan
“Can I use that as an exclusive?” -Perez Hilton

“With Monique down for the count, we are entering The Hunger Games of show choir competition without one of our most powerful voices.” -Sue

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glee recapping: props

Here’s what you missed on Glee: Prom-asauras

Story

  • Sue wants to beat out Vocal Adrenaline by having Kurt dress as a woman.
  • Tina is finally fed up about being in the background of the glee club.
  • After some motivating words from Rachel (playing Tina), Tina motivates real Rachel to seek out a second chance with Carmen Tibideaux.
  • Sue says the Trouble Tones are going to make another appearance at Nationals.
  • The glee girls find out that Coach Beiste is still with Cooter and they ask her why.
  • Puck gets in a confrontation at school because he was called a “Lima Loser” by Rick.

“My name is Tina Cohen-Chang!” Tell ’em Tina! For a person that has been on the show since the pilot you would think Tina would have more screen time. Or maybe you don’t? Which is probably why we  (I) didn’t even notice her fashion changes over the course of four seasons. I honestly forgot that she was a year behind all of the relevant characters. Maybe Tina will get to live out her dream of being Rachel next year? But most likely she will be relegated to singing behind some new prodigy that happens to stumble about the campus. Cheers to Tina and, more importantly, obscurity.

Talk about Mash-Ups… Question: Why the h3!! wasn’t the whole episode done inside of Tina’s mind? Answer: Who’s Tina? But seriously, if you didn’t think Puck and Finn were the most intimate versions of Blaine and Kurt that we’ve ever seen then you must be delusional. Shuester’s “Sue-Suit” gave off that Eric Northman vibe. Santana is still the hottest living organism in Lima, Ohio while she’s portraying Artie. I know I gave Blaine a hard time about his “broccoli” head, but I’d rather see that than seeing him with Puck’s mohawk. Maybe going all Bizzaro World in the mind of character that barely exists for an entire episode is a stretch–I get that. But Glee, why must you tease me with genius?!

Puck Lucked Up: For a brief second–more like two weeks–I thought Puck was going to be staying around McKinley for another year due to his failed grade. Maybe (Definitely) that was just a vast majority little part of myself that still doesn’t want to let go off the original cast–and I shouldn’t be blamed for that! I’ll admit it was bittersweet when Puck was told that he could retake his European Geography final. I would have never been so happy to witness someone fail a grade in my life. Or maybe I should just say “congratulations”? Whatever, I’m so over it anyway…

Music

I Won’t Give Up – Rachel (A) If you’re like me and you felt that “I won’t give up on us” sounds like Rachel was singing to herself, as well as her hopes and dreams, then this could be considered a narcissistic song pick. Who cares, it was fitting and the future Mrs. Hudson sounded amazing.

Because You Loved Me – Tina as Rachel (A) Her mannerisms were completely spot-on, including the way Rachel closes her eyes when she’s really into the lyrical content of her song choice. Although this technically wasn’t a Tina performance, Jenna Ushkowitz definitely set the stage for Tina to move to the forefront of the glee club next season.

Mean – Puck and Beiste (A) This was an unexpectedly awesome duet from the two people who’ve experienced (arguably) the roughest moments of the season.

Flashdance (What a Feeling) Tina and Rachel (A) Almost definitely the first and last time we’ll hear these two together, which is a shame since they have such similar bouncy, energetic energy. Everything about this performance was the perfect way to head to nationals.

Quotes

It’s time to fight fire with the flaming flames of additional flamey gay fire.” -Sue

“Trick or treat, badabing!” – Kurt/Snooki
“Hey, what’s a guy gotta do to get a candy situaiton up in here?” -Blaine/The Situation

I’m a human prop and I’m sick of it!” –Tina
Take a lap and cool down, Asian number one.” -Sue

“William, I can taste your Axe body spray.” -Sue

Getting metal sparks on your face is how you get freckles.” -Brittany

“The truth is, it takes a lot of crystals to make something shine.” -Tina

“I don’t think I’m allowed back in Chicago after I body slammed Refrigerator Perry during a bar fight.” -Coach Beiste

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thoughts on community: course listing unavailable

Previously on Community: Basic Lupine Urology

The study group is at odds about how to remember Alex “Starburns” Osbourne after his tragic death due to his mobile meth lab explosion. Chang and his Basterds are looking to take a more heavy-handed role in “protecting” Greendale – complete with “tiny riot gear” and copious amounts of pepper spray. Jeff, Annie, Shirley and Pierce not-so-inadvertently incite a campus wide riot – which seems to be a growing trend this season. Chang finds a doppleganger (J.P. Manoux) for Dean Pelton so that he can help remove Greendale’s favorite study group and take control of the campus himself. After the study group gets expelled, and is back in Tro-bed Edison’s apartment, Abed tries to think if he should have let Jeff’s reality be the one they lived in. Somehow, I have a hunch they’ll find a way to get back into Greendale…they still have summer school to attend ya know. Here are some of my favorite moments…

  • I hate glitter but Heaven seems cool so I hope Britta was wrong about the description of the afterlife.
  • I love that Dean Pelton gets dressed just to visit the study group. Also, he seems to be a fan of Rupaul’s Drag Race. Dean Pelton > Latrice Royale
  • Garrett is my favorite secondary cast member – I dream to be as spastic as he is one day – so maybe my input is biased but…Shirley couldn’t compete with that “Ave Maria”.
  • I have seen tussles, fights and the occasional brawl–with the help of the webernet of course– in pretty much every major restaurant but I doubt I have EVER seen one at a Subway location. Thank you, Greendale.
  • Can we change the name of the show to “The Greendale 7”?! Just for one episode? Can that be the subtitle for the Community movie that’s coming out when I decide to make it?
  • I can’t wait for the next time I have to give a speech because I’m definitely ending it with “Edison out!” followed by dropping the mic. Also, my last name is not Edison.

Quotes

If we rub (Starburn’s urn) will he come out and do celebrity impressions?” -Troy
I don’t think so.” -Abed
Then I want it out of here!” -Troy

Death is a natural part of life and by the time I finish this sentence 100 people will have died in China.” -Jeff
Why did you finish that sentence?! I have to call my pen pal.” -Troy

…when are we gonna talk about this horrible thing that’s happened?” -Annie
Is it always the Holocaust with you people?” -Pierce

We’re not even the best community college in our community.” -Annie

13 years of college down the drain.” -Pierce
I was gonna be the first one in my family to graduate from community college. Everyone else graduated from normal college…now they’re really gonna give me a hard time.” -Troy

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glee recapping: choke

Here’s what you missed on Glee: Dance With Somebody

Story

  • Rachel and Kurt’s NYADA tryouts have finally come around.
  • Puck’s father (played by Thomas Calabro, the dreamy Dr. Michael Mancini on Melrose Place)  pays him a surprise visit and gives him some perspective.
  • Coach Beiste is a victim of domestic abuse and goes to Sue, Roz, and the glee club girls for support.
  • The guys from the glee club tutor Puck so that he can pass a test for graduation.

Choke Check: Puck choking on his European Geography (that can’t be a real class) test? Check. Rachel choking on her favorite Streisand song in front of NYADA’s newest Dean (played by Whoopi Goldberg), twice? Double Check. Cooter possibly choking Beiste before the haymaker? Too soon?…check.

Obviously: As soon as I read the title of the episode I knew Rachel was going to be perfect for the lead role. Rachel’s rendition of Streisand’s “Don’t Rain on My Parade” is still one of my favorite songs from the entire show but I knew she would be destined to fail. Does this really mean that her NYADA hopes are done? Is she really going to be stay in Ohio to continue searching for her trip to Broadway? Regardless, we’re guaranteed to see more of Rachel in the next season.

Senior Year Redux? Even though Puck knew where the rain falls in Spain he couldn’t seem to locate anything else during his test. Does Puck just drop out of school since it seems he won’t be able to graduate? Does he do summer classes? I think it would be true Puckerman form to just tell his friends that he passed the test and then when graduation comes he heads out to the left coast to start his business without telling anyone.

Seat Fillers: Brittany and Sugar, why were you just sitting on those stools and staring at Mercedes, Santana, and Tina while they were singing to Coach Beiste? Do interpretive dance. Play an instrument. Have a Fondue for Two session in the background. Do something!

No Pamphlets?! Who doesn’t go to Emma for a sweet pamphy about domestic abuse in this case? I know domestic abuse is nothing to be scoffed at (along with bullying, gay bashing, and texting while driving as Glee has shown us so far this season) but I actually release miniscule giggles after reading the names of those pamphlets. Maybe she would have found out that domestic abusers are, frequently, repeat offenders. I hope Beiste is good with makeup. Apply liberally.

Music

The Music of the Night – Kurt (B) Visually weird, which can be blamed on Tina, but vocally amazing, albeit brief.

School’s Out – Puck (B) Given the eventual outcome, Puckerman really should have spent less time dancing around the school and more time studying. Still, the intensity was appreciated.

Cell Block Tango – Brittany, Tina, Mercedes, Sugar and Santana (A+) This may be just “a song about crazy women in their panties killing their men for chewing gum” and the ladies’ attire may have been a tad too inappropriate for school, but this was still the one of the night’s best performances. Throwing in Mike was just an added visual bonus.

Not the Boy Next Door – Kurt (A) Bold move with a potentially huge pay-off that results in Kurt’s acceptance to his dream school. If his singing wasn’t enough the highness of his kicks coupled with the tightness of his pants should be enough to seal the deal.

Don’t Rain on My Parade – Rachel (C) “You get eight bars, I gave you 16.” Unfortunately, Rachel completely ‘choked’ at her audition, but if you want to hear how well she normally performs this song, watch ‘Sectionals‘ from season 1.

The Rain in Spain – Mike, Artie, Sam, Puck, Kurt, Finn, Blaine, Rory and Joe (B) This was an absolute failure as a study tool, but it was cute to watch the boys turn the performance into a mini Headbangers Ball. Also, shouldn’t the school have been closed in the middle of the night and how was Puck not banned from touching anymore guitars after setting one on fire earlier?

Shake it Out – Tina, Santana and Mercedes (A+) As the other flawless performance, this really should have closed out the night. The lyrics to this song spoke perfectly to Beiste’s situation and yet again, Santana proves that she’s a much better singer when her heart is in it. Also, Coach Beiste has now been serenaded by the girls and guys in the group, which would be more touching if they weren’t “We’re sorry for saying/doing something that personally offended you” serenades.

Cry – Rachel (A) When Rachel really cries during a song about crying, it’s bound to be an intense moment. Unfortunately, this was bittersweet because although Rachel sounded amazing, it was too little too late.

Quotes

“Yeah, I might not graduate, but that’s okay because gowns are for ladies and tassels are for strippers.” – Puck

“Look, I understand kids making jokes about things they find uncomfortable. Like how there’s a cheer leading coach at their school who is old as dirt and still trying to have a baby who they know is going to come out looking weird with rabies and wings and is going to fly right out of your hat box and straight back into hell.” – Black Sue Roz

“Puckerman, why are you closing the doors?” – Mrs. Eleanor Doosenbury
“So the chemistry doesn’t get out.” – Puck, who somehow thought ‘displaced Haitains’ was ‘depressed Hawaiians’

“You bet your perfectly round ass it is!” – Roz

“You can stay with me tonight. If you don’t have a change of clothes I have a tent you can wear.” – Sue

 

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