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May 07 2013
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CBS, How I Met Your Mother, quotes, Recaps, TV

how i met your mother recapping: romewardbound/the bro mitzvah

Previously on How I Met Your Mother: The Time Travelers

Romeward Bound

Marshall and his new wife

Know somewhere I can bury this sausage?

Lily is still working for The Captian who has decided he wants to move to Rome and he wants to take her with him. Lily refuses because she believes Marshall loves his job, but when she goes to visit his office and finds out that the firm has all but shut down Marshall offers her the chance to rethink her refusal. When The Captain offers her the position in Rome a second time, she still says no because she is scared. Marshall talks to her about it and they decide to take the plunge and do it.

Robin, Barney and Ted are all trying to see what the wedding planner’s body looks like under her big baggy coat. Ted has seen it in his pilates classes and says it nuclear. Because Robin seems so cool with it Barney is overly interested in finding out whats under the coat. Ted warns him to be careful. RObin is cool, but she will have a limit. Barney doesn’t heed his warning, so we’ll see where that ends up.

Best/Funniest Moment

  • Marshall’s Rome fantasy
  • Lily’s Rome Fantasy
  • Marshall’s office/job

Quotes
Ted: Indiana Jones wouldn’t look at this body. This is a body that would melt a Nazi’s face.

Lily: When you said you were about to get reamed?
Marshall: Oh right that. No, sometimes for fun, we throw reams of paper at each other. Bernard! Not a good time! Read the room!

The Bro Mitzvah

The Bro Mitzvah

This is legen, don’t bother waiting for it because it sucks, dary.

This is it. The moment Barney has been waiting for. His Bro Mitzvah (bachelor party)! He’s already given Ted and Marshall a list because he believes the two will not be able to pull it off. Ted and Marshall start by kidnapping Barney, a good start, though this means Barney will skip out on dinner with RObin and his mother. They head to a hotel right outside of AC, have a few beers, hire a clown, bring the wrong karate kid, hire Quinn (ex-fiancee) as stripper, Barney gambled so he loses money for caterer and bets Marshall who he loses to the mafia and Robin dumps him for losing the money, marshall and abandoning her at a disastrous dinner with his mom.

Turns out it was all a hoax, but it was also everything Barney wanted, just in the most effed up ways possible. The last surprise of the evening, the clown was the real karate kid (according to Barney)

Seriously though Robin is a pretty epic fiancee.

Best/Funniest Moments

  • Barney’s kidnapping
  • Quinn being the stripper
  • Marshall getting his hand cut off
  • Barney’s mom thinking Robin was a virgin

Quotes
Loretta Stinson: You are so funny. What’s gotten into you? Oh that’s right, nothing, ever.

Barney Stinson: Shut it Ralph Maccio! Why don’t you go have a party with Luke Skywalker and Harry Potter and War Horse and all the other movie bad guys and stop ruining mine!

Robin: I’m not a virgin! My napkin ring has seen plenty of breadsticks and one baguette. I dated a center from the Knicks.

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Mar 20 2013
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CBS, How I Met Your Mother, quotes, Recaps

how i met your mother recapping: weekend at barney’s

Previously on How I Met Your Mother: The Ashtray

Jeanette burning the playbook

Burning the playbook makes it the burn book

So there was this playbook, which Barney burned to prove his love to Patrice, but actually Robin. And Robin has told him that was the moment she knew she could marry him because he’d given up his old life. Well, turns out, the playbook is very much in tact.
Lily is trying to nab the work of an up-and-coming hot new artist, which means she needs to schmooze. Marshall pledges to support her by attending the opening. Try as he might, Marshall has difficulty talking to the other guests. And try as she might, Lily has a hard time getting a chance to talk to the artist. But, it turns out. The artist is the one person in the room who can be charmed by Marshall’s interests and jokes.
Ted has broken up with Jeanette, but he’s having a rough time staying away from the crazy and the crazy good sex. Barney decides to help him out with use of the playbook, secret mission style. Unfortunately, the advances don’t work and Barney gets caught by Robin. Leaving Ted unmonitored for long enough to get back together with Jeanette, who throws a crazy tantrum and burns the playbook and throws Ted’s stuff out the window. This time they’re definitely over.
Robin and Barney reconcile because they are crazy in love with each other and perfect together. And when Jeanette burns the playbook, Barney could care less.
Best/Funniest Moments

  • All the plays Barney runs through Ted
  • Marshall dropping the skittles
  • The Weekend at Barney dreams and Robin’s confusion over the play

Quotes
Barney: My other one rule.
Ted: Lebanese girls sprint to third base and then stay there.

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Feb 26 2013
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CBS, How I Met Your Mother, quotes, Recaps

how i met your mother recapping: the ashtray

Previously on How I Met Your Mother: Bad Crazy

One trip to an art gallery prompts three different stories: Robin’s, Ted’s, and Lily’s or the truth.

Lily, Robin, Ted, The Captain

Why is he wearing red pants?

When The Captain calls, the storytelling begins. Apparently a while back Ted, Robin and Lily ran into The Captain at an art show. According to Ted, he was rude and threatened him, and was actually in love with the girl that Ted was dating at the time. Leading Ted to believe that he stole another girl from The Captain and that the phone call was about the girl.

Turns out, he wanted Robin’s number, which leads to Robin’s story. Robin reveals that Ted had actually been “eating a sandwich” right before the art show so he was not really the most trustworthy source for the happenings of the night. Robin claims that The Captain was hitting on her all night and that he probably wants to get with her. Robin calls him back to let him down easy but it turns out he was actually looking for Lily.

Lily then tells her version of the story, which is more than likely the truth. She claims that Ted was high and Robin was drunk and they went back to The Captain’s place so he could show Lily a piece of artwork. Lily had expressed interest in the pieces at the gallery while the Captain and his art consultant thought they were amateurish. After insulting her taste in art and belittling her as just a kindergarten teacher, Lily stole an ashtray from The Captain’s house. She assumes he’s calling about the ashtray but he actually wants her to be his new art consultant. Lily finds out that her dreams might still come true.

Best/Funniest Moments
Robin and Ted under the influence at the art opening
The return of Boats! Boats! Boats!
Barney trying to insert himself in all the stories

Quotes

Robin: He’s looking for Lily. Should I give him her number?
Marshall: Yeah we’ve already discussed it. It’s four million dollars cash.

Ted: Oh boy that was a crazy story.
Barney: Oh boy, yeah I remember.
Ted: You weren’t there.
Barney: Ted, bubala, if you have a crazy story, I was there. It’s just the law of the universe.

Ted: That’s weird, I have a message.
Marshall: That’s weird, you still have an answering machine.

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Jan 28 2013
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CBS, How I Met Your Mother, quotes

how i met your mother recapping: band or dj?/ring up

Previously on how i met your mother: the final page

Band or DJ?

Robin, Barney, Cool Dad

I’m telling you, Hawaiian shirts are cool again.

Now that everyone knows about Robin and Barney’s engagement its times to start the planning. Lily offers her services, but, unfortunately for her Ted has already beat her to the punch. Though his binder may be bigger than Lily’s his intentions may not be as pure. Robin wants a band, but he is set on her having a DJ, so he sabotages it by pretend booking the band she wants.

Barney meanwhile is trying to get permission to marry Robin. He overlooked that minor detail assuming it wouldn’t be an issue. Silly Barney, Robin’s father is terrifying. Though much “cooler” now that he wears Hawaiian shirts and eats at a pizza place on the reg, he still does not want Barney marrying Robin until he does something like wrestle a bear. As Barney does what he can (dyeing his hair etc.) Robin becomes fed up with her father and tells him she doesn’t care whether she has his approval or his permission, she just wants a normal father. And this apparently begins with a father daughter dance at her wedding.

Lily is suspicious of Ted’s motives for planning Robin and Barney’s weddings. So she calls him out. Tells him to admit what he really believes. Ted is too good of a guy to actually admit it, so Lily gives him an out but admitting that sometimes she doesn’t want to be a mom. With her tearful yet truthful admission Ted finally admits that he thinks Robin is marrying the wrong man.

Best/Funniest Moment

  • Barney dyeing his hair
  • Robin’s father wrestling a bear
  • The flash-forward which gave us another piece of the puzzle

Quotes
Mr. Scherbatsky: This is Barney? This man is blonde. Grown men are not blonde.

Ted: Lily! I’m eating chili. I’m eating chili Lily!

Barney: Oh no! Fluffernutter peed all over my pants!

—-

Ring Up

Robin's Montage

But Robin your feet are too precious to touch the ground, hooray!

Robin’s ring needed to be resized and now that it is she wears it proudly. Until she starts to notice how people treat her differently. No more free coffee, men don’t just part and let her skip to the front of the line, and she can no longer get a drink at the bar. In moments of weakness she takes the ring off and things resume as they were before the ring. She consults Marshall and Lily about how they deal with the difference. And they explain it’s because when that one person is around, the rest of the world doesn’t exist. So none of it matters.

Barney, though faithfully and happily engaged to Robin, is experiencing symptoms of withdrawal. Withdrawal from a life of scamming bimbos into sleeping with him. When he discovers that Ted is currently dating a much younger bimbo (Carly, played by Ashley Benson of Pretty Little Liars) he demands Ted sleep with her so he can live vicariously through him. Ted cannot sleep with anyone he doesn’t feel some kind of connection with and though he searches it’s not easy. Until, he hears her magical ring tone and realizes that they both like Star Wars. They sleep together and then Barney discovers that Ted’s bimbo is his much younger half sister. Barney searches for a way to make this better, including having the two get married, but ultimately Barney is cured and no longer has eyes for anyone but Robin.

Lily and Marshall heat up their sex life with a leather cuff Ted bought from his bimbo. Marshall begins to have an allergic reaction to the cuff, but doesn’t want to take it off because he fears losing the sex momentum they’ve built. That is until his hand swells to beyond recognition and he passes out.

Best/Funniest Moments

  • Montage of what Robin’s life was like without the ring
  • Ted and his date with the much younger bimbo
  • Marshall acting like a flaky rock star

Quotes
Lily: Barney you don’t start with the “I got caught cheating” diamond. You give yourself room to grow.

Barney: I need you to proxy bang this girl for me. Be my stand in and put your gland in.

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Dec 19 2012
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CBS, How I Met Your Mother, quotes, Recaps

how i met your mother recapping: the final page

Jinx!

yesssssssssssss

In the first moments of the episode, the group rejoices as they pin one major jinx on Barney, leaving him at their mercy as far as speaking is concerned.

Ted’s building is complete and there is one person he wants to show it to, Professor Vinick (played by Peter Gallagher) who once told him he’d never an architect. Ted invites him to the unveiling, but the Vinick replies no, claiming he doesn’t know who Ted Mosby is. So Ted, Lily, Marshall and Barney take a trip up to the campus to confront Ted’s professor (also know as his pit person). Unlucky for Lily and Marshall they run into the one person that would probably throw them in a pit, Daryl LaCoutre (played by Seth Green). Also unlucky for them, before he gets a chance to hand over their share of the profits in a business they apparent helped develop, they ask him not kill them. He rips their check and sets himself free of his need for their approval.

Ted, eventually does the same with his arrogant jerk of a professor. And Robin, who fired Patrice over jealousy, finally lets go of her hateful feelings towards Patrice.

When Barney finally gets unjinxed, he tells Ted of his plan to ask Patrice to marry him on the WWN building. He also asks him not to tell anyone. Ted, terrible secret-keeper that he is, tells Marshall who begs him not to tell Robin and to be selfish. Ted, however, can’t do that. He loves Robin enough to know that she is in love with Barney and has a right to know.

Robin and Barney

you really thought this would work?

When he tells Robin, she plays it cool and claims that it’s fine, but Ted knows better. Instead of pulling up to Ted’s building, they pull up to the WWN building and Ted convinces Robin to go get Barney. What she finds instead is the last page of the playbook, which outlines The Robin, an elaborate and intricate ploy to get Robin to realize/admit that she is in love with Barney. Despite being upset and calling Barney out for the exact behavior that proves they shouldn’t be together, she still says yes when he gets down on one knee.

Best/Funniest Moments

  • Marshall and Lily crying over being away from Marvin
  • Ted’s speech to Robin
  • Barney, when he first gets back his speaking privileges

Quotes

Ted: This is gonna be a long jinx. Like Yom Kippur services long. The only difference is Yom Kippur’s a fast and this one’s gonna be a slow.

Barney: You un-jinxed me! I’m free! If the bison on the nickel could hear you talk about them they would diminish their population even further on purpose, if Lily wants a big weiner in her mouth she’s got my number and I’m sorry that you took the rap for all the farting on the ride up here, that was me!

Ted: I need to grow up. Oh by the way I’m breaking a jinx swear here so don’t tell Barney or he gets to whack me in the nuts three times with a whiffle ball bat.
Marshall: Sure, pretty standard.

Ted: Eight years ago I made an ass of myself chasing after you and I made an ass of myself chasing after you a bunch of times since then. I have no regrets because it led me to something I wouldn’t trade for the world, it led to you being my friend. So as your friend and a leading expert in the field of making an ass of yourself. I say to you, from the heart, get the hell out of this car.

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