Category Archives: it’s always sunny in philadelphia

it’s always sunny in philadelphia’s best quotes: charlie and dee find love

Previous IASIP quotes: Charlie and Dee Find Love

“Yeah, yeah, and it’s not going to be me, OK? I’m not doing those dishes because I had the hardest job.” – Mac

“Setting the table? Are you dumb?” – Dee

“I hosted! It was wall-to-wall details. I was on edge the whole time!” – Mac

“Well, it’s gotta be you or Frank or Charlie, because Dennis and I cooked.” – Dee

“The food was mush.” – Frank

“The food was divine. It was pheasant.” – Dennis

———-

“I had the hardest job of anyone. I traveled all the way to this exotic merchant in search of this rare foul.” – Charlie

“What the hell are you talking about Charlie? You went to the corner gourmet grocery store and you bought a pheasant.” – Dennis

———-

“Wow, that’s almost impossible.” – The therapist

“Well, first of all, through God, all things are possible, so jot that down.” – Mac

———-

“Oh, I get it, cute, you leave this pen here and people are supposed to think, wait, that looks like a dick.” – Mac

———-

“Well, Charlie work is like, you know, like basement stuff, cleaning urinals, blood stuff, your basic slimes, your sludges, anything dead or decaying. You know? I’m on it, I’m dealing with it.” – Charlie

———-

“…would it be weird if you eat cat food to go to sleep and you have such a fascination with cats that maybe you glue cat hair on the back of your neck every now and again?” – Charlie

———-

“To be in someone’s mind. To have complete control. It’s like the thrill of being near the executioner’s switch. Knowing that at any moment, you could throw it, but knowing you never will…but you could, never isn’t the right word, because I could…and I might…I probably will.” – Dennis

———-

“So he has no appetite because you’re drugging him, secretly?” – The therapist

“Giving a man medicine for his disease, wherever did I get that idea?” – Dennis

———-

“Yea, I want to do this the right way Dennis. The therapist implied that God wanted me to have bovine hormones and I think that she’s going to get them for me.” – Mac

———-

Other notables:

  • Dee’s therapist was played by Kerri Kenney (Deputy Trudy Wiegel, Reno 911)
  • Mac’s whole sessions was pure crazy. It was awesome.
  • I would LOVE to read Dennis’ psychological dossiers, but more than that, I’d love it if Charlie wrote them. He writes the best books.
  • Dennis drawing during his “session” was surprisingly not one of the creepiest things he’s ever done.
  • Was anyone else reminded of Ben Stiller’s “Do it, do it” in Starsky & Hutch when Dee kept repeating “Tell me I’m good”? Anyone??
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it’s always sunny in philadelphia’s best quotes: charlie and dee find love

Previous IASIP quotes: Maureen Ponderosa’s Wedding Massacre

“If you don’t have car insurance, you better have dental, because I’m going to smash your teeth into dust.” – Sweet Dee

———-

“My whole family was a Taft family. My uncles and grandfathers and cousins all worked for TAFTCO Enterprises. My uncle even drowned in a vat of their molten steel.” – Mac
“He didn’t drown, he burned up.” – Frank
“He probably burned. Yeah, I don’t think he drowned.” – Charlie

———-

“Be anybody but yourselves. ANYBODY. Charlie, do not eat any cheese or any cheese-like substances. If you see any cheese, you run away from it! Dee, do not be a drunk, punchy whore. OK you whore?” – Mac

———-

“You like this pit stain?” – Sweet Dee
“That’s nasty yo!” – Charlie

———-

“What Dee? She’s constantly being crushed, she’ll bounce back, she always does. Or she won’t. It doesn’t matter, I don’t care about that. All I care about is Charlie here.” – Dennis

———-

“I love how free and uninhibited you are.” – Trevor
“Oh yeah? How ”bout I free that big, fat snake in your pants and uninhibit myself allll over it.” –  Sweet Dee

———-

“I’ve got more of a Catholic thing going on…sort of a, hand of God.” – Mac

———-

“I should have known better, cuz I’m practically a Taft myself. My uncle is probably built into the foundation of this place.” – Mac
“Really? Weird.” – Trevor

———-

“Trevor, why would you tell him that?” – Jameson Taft
“I didn’t know I was being filmed!” – Trevor
“If you’re in my room, you’re always being filmed.” – Dennis

———-

“Oh yeah, I know. OK? I was using you. That’s why I kissed you in front of the Waitress. That’s why I banged you a bunch of times, just to make the Waitress jealous. Amazing. You slept with me almost instantly. And by the way, a quality woman doesn’t do that, she doesn’t say ‘yes’ right away. She says ‘no’ to a man for years, like ten years! That’s what a real woman does, OK? You know what you were acting like? A stupid, little rich slut, and that’s all that you are.” – Charlie
“How can you do this to me?” – Ruby
“Are you still talking? Go away dum-dum. Go run and hide. Go from me. I don’t want to see you.” – Charlie

———-

Other notables:

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it’s always sunny in philadelphia’s best quotes: maureen ponderosa’s wedding massacre

Previous IASIP quotes: The Gang Recycles Their Trash

“Wait. What! You?! Wait, Liam, you’re marrying Maureen?”- Dennis
“Big time. Don’t be jelly.” – Liam McPoyle

———-

“Why did you want to break up the wedding?” – Detective Marconi (played by Jeremy Ratchford)
“For all the things he just said, that was accurate.” – Frank

———-

“They have to be stopped. The McPoyle bloodline has been clean and pure for a thousand years. This marriage is an abomination.”Ryan McPoyle
“Now, when you say ‘pure and clean’, uh, you mean what exactly?” – Sweet Dee
“Means we haven’t bred outside the bloodline.” – Ryan
“For a thousand years?” – Sweet Dee
“Yeah.” – Ryan
That makes a lot of sense.” – Sweet Dee

———-

“Deel-dul-le-dee. Miss me? Don’t answer that.” – Bill Ponderosa

———-

“My Maureen, you’ve…you’ve enhanced yourself.” – Dennis
“Yeah, I got my tooth fixed.” – Maureen
“I’m talking about your tits. Your big, giant, new titties Maureen!” – Dennis

———-

“What are you doing?! You doing a speech from Jaws? Are you doing Jaws?! We don’t have time for this shit, this is serious!” – Dennis

———-

“Legions of us thousand sturdy once ruled this fine land. Our bloodline was as pure as the driven snow.” – Liam
“Mmhmm…and then what happened?” – Sweet Dee
“Syphilis killed about half of us. Mongrelism got most of the rest.” – Liam

———-

“…if anything, it would turn you into a vampire.” – Mac
“Right. Or a bat. Or Batman.” – Charlie
“No. A vampire turns you into a vampire. A zombie turns you into a zombie. And Batman didn’t get turned into anything, he just likes bats.” – Mac
“That can’t possibly be what Batman is about. It’s about a grown man who dresses up like a bat…” – Charlie
“…who goes around solving crimes and mysteries. Yes.” – Mac
“These are Academy Award-winning movies. This is serious stuff.” – Charlie
“Well, you know the Academy, Charlie. I mean…sometimes it’s atrocious.” – Mac

———-

“C’mon, it’ll loosen you up a bit, make your butthole hot.” – Bill
“How is drinking a glass of milk going to loosen me up, Bill?” – Sweet Dee
“I spiked the milk with Methylenedioxypyrovalerone.” – Bill
“What?” – Sweet Dee
“It’s bath salts. Yeah, it’s like coke and acid and, like, meth all combined.” – Bill

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it’s always sunny in philadelphia’s best quotes: the gang recycles their trash

  • “Twenty bucks an hour, that’s an outrage, these guys are blasting us in the ass.” – Mac
    “We pay their salaries and they turn around and ass blast us? Come on.”
    – Dennis
    “What are you talking about? You don’t pay taxes, you don’t even vote.”
    – Sweet Dee
    “Who am I supposed to vote for? The Republican who’s blasting me in the ass or the Democrat who’s blasting me in the ass?”
    – Dennis
    “Yeah, politics is all one big ass blast.”
    – Charlie

(Sound familiar?)


  • “In the 1950s, yeah, you could drive around door-to-door in a windowless van and people didn’t think they were going to get raped. Now, they will think that. This is better.” – Dennis
    “I know, and plus, with the tuxedos, you know, honestly, who wouldn’t want their trash-man in a tuxedo? I know I would.” – Charlie

  • “The whore politician is outdated Frank. That is an idea that’s best left in the trash. I am presenting myself as a powerful lady.” – Dee
    “You’re presenting yourself as a banana.” – Frank

  • “Knock it off you lousy bitch.” – Frank

  • “Mac, you have an exceptional number of bugs in your teeth. You’re going to want to rinse those out, it’s disgusting.” – Dennis

  • “Hello/We bet you hate that smell (that smell)/That smell from all your trash (your trash)/We bet you’d like three charming men to take your trash from you (from you)/We have a limousine (a limousine)/That we can fill with trash (fill with trash)/So please let us take your trash from you.” – Charlie, Mac and Dennis singing a beautiful a capella sales pitch for their trash “business”

  • “I don’t get it. We take you to a titty bar and you say no to us. We bring you to this place with all these juicy dongs and you shut us down. What team are you playing for?” – Frank

  • “This man has been realigned. He’s a yestergay.” – Sweet Dee
    “What’s a yestergay?” – Frank
    “A lot of men bounce around from label to label, never quite finding their proper gay home. My hunch is that this gentleman has gone from a twink to a twunk to a twank.” – Sweet Dee

  • “I, for one, am of the belief that some things can’t be thrown in the trash, Frank. And your sexuality is one of them.” – Sweet Dee
    “I totally agree, some cocks can’t be unsucked.” – Frank

  • “The ‘gulls are shitting all over me.”  – Mac

  • “When was the last time a white lady pick up after you when you threw your orange sodas and your grape sodas on the ground?”Martina Martinez

  • “We should get rugs for the bar.” – Dennis
    “We should make rugs for the bar.” – Mac
    “Make them?” – Dennis
    “I got a rug guy.”  – Frank
    “We could put on a show where we play rug salesmen.” – Sweet Dee

  • “He’s a twink versatile, you watch yourself.” – Sweet Dee
    “Ooh, I wouldn’t be able to satisfy him. A twink versatile? That’s impressive.” – Dennis
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it’s always sunny: season eight teaser

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

SEASON EIGHT.

October.

‘Beware’, but mostly, be excited.

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