Category Archives: quotes

modern family recapping: flip/flop / career day

Previously on Modern Family: The Future Dunphys

Flip Flop

Phil, Mitchell, Cam, Claire

Don’t do anything stupid….

Cam and Claire’s house project is finally complete and they are ready to begin the sale. But, no matter how good the house looks they are having trouble finding a buyer. Mitchell bites his tongue and refrains from saying “I told you so” even though he really wants to. Despite their efforts the only offer they get is below asking price and comes from Phil’s nemesis, Gil Thorpe. Luke claims to have an interested buyer and when they find out his buyer is an adult they jump on the opportunity. Using Haley’s stalking skills to learn everything possible about this guy. They tailor the house for him, but its all too fishy and he backs out. And when Gil Thorpe shows up and sees there is a gay couple looking at the place (Cam and Mitchell), he advises his buyer to to up their offer. We all know you should gay real estate. They know where its at.

Javier brings his new girlfriend Trish to meet Manny. Gloria is threatened by this woman who seems to be so awesome. When Javier announces that the two are actually getting married she freaks out and tells Gloria that she is threatened by her because Gloria is “the one that got away” for Javier and Manny never shuts up about her. Upon hearing this, Gloria welcomes Trish to the family.

Best/Funniest Moments

  • Haley cyber stalking Zack
  • Gil Thorpe…all of the scenes
  • Trish’s freak out

Quotes
Haley: Okay so after a quick scan of his facebook, twitter, tumblr, pinterest and instagram, this is what I know.
Luke: Privacy is dead?

Phil: Prepare to Phil the agony of Dunfeat! Both names!
Gloria: If she learns how to froth his cappuccino I am history!

Career Day

Luke is bringing Phil for career day at school, unfortunately for Phil, Gil Thorpe’s daughter is in the same class. Gil, predictably ruins Phil’s presentation. Later, the teacher asks Claire to present about being a stay-at-home mom. But Claire gets slammed with all these questions that make her feel bad about herself. She leaves abruptly, and Gil follows her to offer her a job. Phil knows its to torture him, but supports Claire anyway since its what she wants. She quits after one day.

Haley

“Tell me about it….Stud”

Lily lost her first tooth and in addition to a lovely card and fair dust she gets $100 dollars. Which was obviously a mistake but when Cam and Mitchell try to convince Lily that the tooth fairy made a mistake and will want her money back, Lily isn’t having it. They bring Haley in as the tooth fairy, but Lily sees right through that. Haley, though, saves the day anyway by saying that keeping the $100 is def worth skipping presents from Santa. Reverse psychology, it’ll get ya.

Jay, feeling a little insecure about how boring his job is, claims that he once thought about being writer but “life” got in the way. When Gloria picks up on the fact that she is “life” she gets out of the way so Jay can pursue his dream. Jay quickly discovers he’s no good at writing, so he has Manny cover for him. But Manny’s sensitivity to Gloria’s critiques gives him away.

Best/Funniest Moments

  • Mitchell’s comments about the fairy dust
  • Haley in the tooth fairy costume
  • Gil torturing Phil

Quotes
Luke: For the record, I do all my own wiping.

Claire: You have dumb ideas.
Phil: Name one…that went on for awhile.

Cam: Well obviously the tooth fairy made a mistake.
Mitchell: Maybe it’s cause the tooth fairy had a little too much chardonnay last night.

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how i met your mother recapping: romewardbound/the bro mitzvah

Previously on How I Met Your Mother: The Time Travelers

Romeward Bound

Marshall and his new wife

Know somewhere I can bury this sausage?

Lily is still working for The Captian who has decided he wants to move to Rome and he wants to take her with him. Lily refuses because she believes Marshall loves his job, but when she goes to visit his office and finds out that the firm has all but shut down Marshall offers her the chance to rethink her refusal. When The Captain offers her the position in Rome a second time, she still says no because she is scared. Marshall talks to her about it and they decide to take the plunge and do it.

Robin, Barney and Ted are all trying to see what the wedding planner’s body looks like under her big baggy coat. Ted has seen it in his pilates classes and says it nuclear. Because Robin seems so cool with it Barney is overly interested in finding out whats under the coat. Ted warns him to be careful. RObin is cool, but she will have a limit. Barney doesn’t heed his warning, so we’ll see where that ends up.

Best/Funniest Moment

  • Marshall’s Rome fantasy
  • Lily’s Rome Fantasy
  • Marshall’s office/job

Quotes
Ted: Indiana Jones wouldn’t look at this body. This is a body that would melt a Nazi’s face.

Lily: When you said you were about to get reamed?
Marshall: Oh right that. No, sometimes for fun, we throw reams of paper at each other. Bernard! Not a good time! Read the room!

The Bro Mitzvah

The Bro Mitzvah

This is legen, don’t bother waiting for it because it sucks, dary.

This is it. The moment Barney has been waiting for. His Bro Mitzvah (bachelor party)! He’s already given Ted and Marshall a list because he believes the two will not be able to pull it off. Ted and Marshall start by kidnapping Barney, a good start, though this means Barney will skip out on dinner with RObin and his mother. They head to a hotel right outside of AC, have a few beers, hire a clown, bring the wrong karate kid, hire Quinn (ex-fiancee) as stripper, Barney gambled so he loses money for caterer and bets Marshall who he loses to the mafia and Robin dumps him for losing the money, marshall and abandoning her at a disastrous dinner with his mom.

Turns out it was all a hoax, but it was also everything Barney wanted, just in the most effed up ways possible. The last surprise of the evening, the clown was the real karate kid (according to Barney)

Seriously though Robin is a pretty epic fiancee.

Best/Funniest Moments

  • Barney’s kidnapping
  • Quinn being the stripper
  • Marshall getting his hand cut off
  • Barney’s mom thinking Robin was a virgin

Quotes
Loretta Stinson: You are so funny. What’s gotten into you? Oh that’s right, nothing, ever.

Barney Stinson: Shut it Ralph Maccio! Why don’t you go have a party with Luke Skywalker and Harry Potter and War Horse and all the other movie bad guys and stop ruining mine!

Robin: I’m not a virgin! My napkin ring has seen plenty of breadsticks and one baguette. I dated a center from the Knicks.

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modern family recapping: the wow factor/the future dunphys

Previously on Modern Family: Best Men

The Wow Factor

Mitchell and Luke

Remember that house that Cam and Claire bought? Yeah I pretty much didn’t either. Well they’re hard at work trying to flip it. And while Claire’s method for getting what she wants it to throw a bunch of numbers at Cam, Cam’s method is to shoot a few pegs above what he really wants so Claire will negotiate him down and he’ll “settle”. This works until they figure each other out and Cam brings in his lesbian friend who’s a contractor to convince Claire they need fountains in the backyard as the wow factor. Cam’s plan doesn’t work especially the lesbian seems to find Claire attractive. Cam installs it himself and the two have crossed over to the dark side until the goldfish start shooting out of the fountain

Phil wants to teach his daughters how to own a home by showing them a few homeowners tasks they’ll be forced to do, like change a lightbulb. Phil shows them who to light the pilot light again, but when it doesn’t seem to be working sends them to the store so he can call his dad who walks him through how to fix it.

Jay and Joe have a day for bonding which ends with Gloria finding Jay watching the new James Bond movie while an old friend of Claire’s rocks Joe in the lobby. Mitchell wants to teach Lily’s schoolyard bully a lesson so he has Luke teach him how to win at handball. He succeeds and turns himself into the schoolyard bully in the process.

Best/Funniest Moments

  • Lukes training sessions
  • Cam freaking over the fish
  • Gloria seeing a strange woman rocking her son

Quotes

Claire: Yesterday I accidentally said eleventy five.

Luke: You’re never off the court!

Jay: Or he took a page from the old Jay Pritchett playbook, saw the crap he was in for and pretended to be asleep

—–

The Future Dunphys

Claire is headed back to the hospital to get some tests done to ensure everything is fine with her heart. Before they go she and Phil have a dispute over what advice they should give their kids. Claire favors forcing them to do what they don’t want to, Phil wants them to do as they please. While at the hospital they see grown up versions of their kids who seem to have turned out fine, but really didn’t. Phil calls to tell the kids to do what they don’t want to, while Claire calls to tell them to follow their heart. The kids worry their parent’s behavior means something is wrong with Claire, but they arrive at the hospital only to receive a text that reads “Mom OK”.

Jay and Manny

Jay takes Manny to tour a prep school he really wants to attend. Jay is apprehensive at first acting high and mighty because of his past with the preppy jerks. But the more he tours the school the more he wants Manny to attend the school and show up his old rivals. Under the new pressure Manny blows his interview, but Jay lets him know that he is proud of Manny everyday and he should never think otherwise.

Lily meanwhile has decided she’s gay. Cam, Mitchell and Gloria try to understand why she is gay and they come to the realization that she says she’s gay because she wants to be like her dads.

Best/Funniest Moments

  • Jay getting excited about the rare books library
  • Present Dunphy kids in the elevator with future Dunphy kids
  • The whole scene in the Vietnamese restaurant

Quotes
Claire: Alex what have I told you about staying out past your curfew?
Alex: I need to do it more often.

Manny: I’ve always felt out of place in public school, like a lone petunia in an onion patch.

Lily: When am I going to get real boobs?

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recapping revenge: victory/masquerade

Previously on Revenge: Illumination

Victory

Nolan and Aiden

It’s not what it looks like.

Ironically named since no one is really victorious in this episode. Padma makes contact with the initiative and sets up a drop off time. Nolan, Aiden and Emily are ready for the drop. But when the drop gets moved up Emily is busy deal with her stepbrother and can’t make it. Once the transfer as been made, Padma is kidnapped and Nolan and Aiden are left dumbfounded on the roof. They follow the tracking device they had give Padma only to find the initiative had been one step ahead of them all along. Nolan dives deep into trying to track down Padma only to find that his archenemies Falcon is working for the initiative.

Eli makes good on his promise to Emily all those years ago. He exposes their foster mother and all her treacherous ways and tries to retrieve they letters that Emily’s father wrote to her while she was staying there. He couldn’t do that, but he manages to discover where the letters might be. With that information in hand Emily visits Mason Treadwell in jail and discovers that Victoria has another son.

Quotes

Aiden: Can you stop breathing so heavily?
Nolan: I’m sorry to bother you Lee Harvey. I guess I just get a little nervous when I’m about to kill people.

Emily: In the art of war if you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the approaching battles. But if you know only yourself and not your enemy, for every victory, there will also be defeat.

Masquerade

Victoria is throwing her annual masquerade, which had to be cancelled last year because of Daniel’s trial (as soon as she said that I was like WHOA that was a long time ago). An invitation which went to the campaign instead of Victoria was ominous and no doubt sent by Emily who has developed a plan to spook Victoria as far as her first born is concerned.

Victoria and Emily

Bitch, please. I get what I want.

Emily had not received an invitation to the affair and when she tries to solicit one is turned down. Her disappointment doesn’t last long since Daniel, who has recently figured out it was Victoria who sent the threatening message against Emily, invites her to go as his date. Victoria is a bit confused when Emily shows up, but she is put in her disappointed place quickly.

Aiden, meanwhile has discovered that Padma is dead and killed Trask himself. I wonder who the new initiative point person will be. With that out of the way Aiden is free to help Emily spook Victoria by wearing a surprising similar suit to a man who poses as the aforementioned abandoned child. Victoria takes Emily’s well-placed bait and heads to the convent where she was helped during her pregnancy. Emily then claims she too is a pregnant woman, unsure of what to do. I assume her efforts will bring her closer to the answer of what happened to Victoria’s other son.

Expectation/Predictions
Emily’s findings about Victoria’s son will be salacious and downright scandalous.
Jack will soon be discovered as the person foiling Conrad’s campaign OR Amanda will start to aid him.
Nolan in his grief for Padma will continue his search for Falcon, which will come to a head shortly.

Quotes
Emily: I’m not leaving you alone, Nolan.
Nolan: I love you, too.

Conrad: [to Victoria] And here I thought I knew all the skeletons in your closet by name.

Conrad: You are deceptively brilliant.
Ashley: I learned from the best.
Conrad: You meant Victoria, didn’t you?
Ashley: Yeah.

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how i met your mother recapping: the fortress/the time travelers

Previously on How I Met Your Mother: Weekend at Barney’s
The Fortress
Marshall, Ted and Lily are obsessed with a new show called Woodworthy Manor, which sounds a lot like Downton Abbey. Unfortunately for Marshall, Lily is also so obsessed with her new job that Marshall is way behind on episodes and spending no time with Lily. Ted is spending most of his time with Marshall though and the two end up acting like a couple. Until Lily sees the problem with spending too much time working and stops answering to The Captain’s every call.

Ted and Barney

I am the great and powerful Barney!

Barney and Robin are discussing where to live after they get married. Robin wants Barney to sell his place so they can get something together. He’s reluctant but Robin moves forward with a plan and a realtor. Barney tried to dissuade everyone from buying his apartment by discussing all the creepy additions he’s put into place. Finally a couple agrees to buy but during the negotiation process they are so mean about Barney’s innovative ideas that Robin tells them to get lost.
Best/Funniest Moments

  • The great and powerful Barney (and Robin) head
  • Train tracks under the bed
  • Marshall and Ted acting like a couple

Quotes
Barney(to Ted): Oh my god, can you just be cool? Once. Please. Just once. Can you just be cool once? Please?
Ted: No, I said dressing the dummy up was a waste of time.

The Time Travelers

Ted and Barney

How many of me are you seeing?

I know I should recap this episode, but since at the end of the episode they basically say that it was all in Ted’s head or it happened in the future or something confusing like that I don’t really know what to say. Ted was debating going to Robots vs. Wrestlers with Barney, but actually he was going to go by himself and he was seeing into the future when Barney would ask him to go (I think, I don’t know). But basically there were future Teds and Barneys trying to convince present Ted to do something that would happen five years from now (I think, I don’t know). But then there was a moment where Ted ran to his future wife’s door and told her they were gonna meet in 45 days but he couldn’t wait and then he got punched. Basically I’m very confused about what actually happened in this episode, but in reality nothing happened. Except we learned that 45 days from now Ted will meet the mother of his children. Also, Ted is lonely.
Best/Funniest Moments

  • 20 hours from now Ted
  • Robin and Marshall’s dance off

Quotes
Ted: Hi— I’m Ted Mosby. And exactly 45 days from now you and I are going to meet and we’re going to fall in love and we’re going to get married and we’re going to have 2 kids and we’re going to love them and each other so much. All that is 45 days away, but I’m here now I guess because… I want those extra 45 days with you. I want each one of them. Look and if I can’t have them I’ll take the 45 seconds before your boyfriend shows up and punches me in the face, because… I love you. I’m always gonna love you, til the end of my days and beyond. You’ll see (I still don’t get it, but its nice.)

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