Category Archives: TV

Oct 14 2013
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Dear Diary..., TV

this post was inspired by legally blonde…oddly enough.

[Editor’s note: After reading over this post, I feel a hint of the “Dear Diary…” vibe, but I’m going with it anyway. I could have just as easily jumped right back in, but acknowledging the “hiatus” felt necessary. –Nicole]

I still watch television. I still talk about television. I’ve even fallen in love with new shows (The Blacklist) and fallen out of love with others (Glee). I’m still very much into the general idea of TVDM; it’s just not the obsessive habit it was before.

I’m not sure if this is the post that comes before me making a huge effort to start writing here again. I mean…I don’t have the expendable time I had before and all the awesome contributors have (mostly) moved on. That’s reason enough to make my already naturally lazy disposition give up again before even starting. However, I really love talking about television. So maybe this doesn’t have to be anything more than me taking a few minutes once and awhile to post about bits of shows/TV stuff I loved (and even more about the things I hated).

For example, If I’d still been blogging/writing/whatever this is called when the Dexter finale came on, you guys (assuming “you guys” still take the time to read this) would have known just how heartbroken I was to realize that Michael C. Hall can now say he’s been in one of the best series finales of all time and (arguably) one of the worst. Seriously, the Dexter finale was the most ridiculous and disrespectful thing I’ve seen in at least the last 3-5 years of television. I’m not even exaggerating too much when I express that.

I guess I can thank having Columbus Day off, coupled with several hours of clearing off my DVR (and an accidental back-to-back viewing of Legally Blonde and Legally Blonde 2) to inspire this post, and hopefully, a renewed desire to talk shit about TV. Hopefully.

Oh, and if you haven’t already gotten into The Blacklist or Masters of Sex, you seriously need to watch.

Classic Spader.

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May 07 2013
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ABC, quotes, Recaps, TV

modern family recapping: flip/flop / career day

Previously on Modern Family: The Future Dunphys

Flip Flop

Phil, Mitchell, Cam, Claire

Don’t do anything stupid….

Cam and Claire’s house project is finally complete and they are ready to begin the sale. But, no matter how good the house looks they are having trouble finding a buyer. Mitchell bites his tongue and refrains from saying “I told you so” even though he really wants to. Despite their efforts the only offer they get is below asking price and comes from Phil’s nemesis, Gil Thorpe. Luke claims to have an interested buyer and when they find out his buyer is an adult they jump on the opportunity. Using Haley’s stalking skills to learn everything possible about this guy. They tailor the house for him, but its all too fishy and he backs out. And when Gil Thorpe shows up and sees there is a gay couple looking at the place (Cam and Mitchell), he advises his buyer to to up their offer. We all know you should gay real estate. They know where its at.

Javier brings his new girlfriend Trish to meet Manny. Gloria is threatened by this woman who seems to be so awesome. When Javier announces that the two are actually getting married she freaks out and tells Gloria that she is threatened by her because Gloria is “the one that got away” for Javier and Manny never shuts up about her. Upon hearing this, Gloria welcomes Trish to the family.

Best/Funniest Moments

  • Haley cyber stalking Zack
  • Gil Thorpe…all of the scenes
  • Trish’s freak out

Quotes
Haley: Okay so after a quick scan of his facebook, twitter, tumblr, pinterest and instagram, this is what I know.
Luke: Privacy is dead?

Phil: Prepare to Phil the agony of Dunfeat! Both names!
Gloria: If she learns how to froth his cappuccino I am history!

Career Day

Luke is bringing Phil for career day at school, unfortunately for Phil, Gil Thorpe’s daughter is in the same class. Gil, predictably ruins Phil’s presentation. Later, the teacher asks Claire to present about being a stay-at-home mom. But Claire gets slammed with all these questions that make her feel bad about herself. She leaves abruptly, and Gil follows her to offer her a job. Phil knows its to torture him, but supports Claire anyway since its what she wants. She quits after one day.

Haley

“Tell me about it….Stud”

Lily lost her first tooth and in addition to a lovely card and fair dust she gets $100 dollars. Which was obviously a mistake but when Cam and Mitchell try to convince Lily that the tooth fairy made a mistake and will want her money back, Lily isn’t having it. They bring Haley in as the tooth fairy, but Lily sees right through that. Haley, though, saves the day anyway by saying that keeping the $100 is def worth skipping presents from Santa. Reverse psychology, it’ll get ya.

Jay, feeling a little insecure about how boring his job is, claims that he once thought about being writer but “life” got in the way. When Gloria picks up on the fact that she is “life” she gets out of the way so Jay can pursue his dream. Jay quickly discovers he’s no good at writing, so he has Manny cover for him. But Manny’s sensitivity to Gloria’s critiques gives him away.

Best/Funniest Moments

  • Mitchell’s comments about the fairy dust
  • Haley in the tooth fairy costume
  • Gil torturing Phil

Quotes
Luke: For the record, I do all my own wiping.

Claire: You have dumb ideas.
Phil: Name one…that went on for awhile.

Cam: Well obviously the tooth fairy made a mistake.
Mitchell: Maybe it’s cause the tooth fairy had a little too much chardonnay last night.

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May 07 2013
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CBS, How I Met Your Mother, quotes, Recaps, TV

how i met your mother recapping: romewardbound/the bro mitzvah

Previously on How I Met Your Mother: The Time Travelers

Romeward Bound

Marshall and his new wife

Know somewhere I can bury this sausage?

Lily is still working for The Captian who has decided he wants to move to Rome and he wants to take her with him. Lily refuses because she believes Marshall loves his job, but when she goes to visit his office and finds out that the firm has all but shut down Marshall offers her the chance to rethink her refusal. When The Captain offers her the position in Rome a second time, she still says no because she is scared. Marshall talks to her about it and they decide to take the plunge and do it.

Robin, Barney and Ted are all trying to see what the wedding planner’s body looks like under her big baggy coat. Ted has seen it in his pilates classes and says it nuclear. Because Robin seems so cool with it Barney is overly interested in finding out whats under the coat. Ted warns him to be careful. RObin is cool, but she will have a limit. Barney doesn’t heed his warning, so we’ll see where that ends up.

Best/Funniest Moment

  • Marshall’s Rome fantasy
  • Lily’s Rome Fantasy
  • Marshall’s office/job

Quotes
Ted: Indiana Jones wouldn’t look at this body. This is a body that would melt a Nazi’s face.

Lily: When you said you were about to get reamed?
Marshall: Oh right that. No, sometimes for fun, we throw reams of paper at each other. Bernard! Not a good time! Read the room!

The Bro Mitzvah

The Bro Mitzvah

This is legen, don’t bother waiting for it because it sucks, dary.

This is it. The moment Barney has been waiting for. His Bro Mitzvah (bachelor party)! He’s already given Ted and Marshall a list because he believes the two will not be able to pull it off. Ted and Marshall start by kidnapping Barney, a good start, though this means Barney will skip out on dinner with RObin and his mother. They head to a hotel right outside of AC, have a few beers, hire a clown, bring the wrong karate kid, hire Quinn (ex-fiancee) as stripper, Barney gambled so he loses money for caterer and bets Marshall who he loses to the mafia and Robin dumps him for losing the money, marshall and abandoning her at a disastrous dinner with his mom.

Turns out it was all a hoax, but it was also everything Barney wanted, just in the most effed up ways possible. The last surprise of the evening, the clown was the real karate kid (according to Barney)

Seriously though Robin is a pretty epic fiancee.

Best/Funniest Moments

  • Barney’s kidnapping
  • Quinn being the stripper
  • Marshall getting his hand cut off
  • Barney’s mom thinking Robin was a virgin

Quotes
Loretta Stinson: You are so funny. What’s gotten into you? Oh that’s right, nothing, ever.

Barney Stinson: Shut it Ralph Maccio! Why don’t you go have a party with Luke Skywalker and Harry Potter and War Horse and all the other movie bad guys and stop ruining mine!

Robin: I’m not a virgin! My napkin ring has seen plenty of breadsticks and one baguette. I dated a center from the Knicks.

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Apr 07 2013
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How I Met Your Mother, quotes, Recaps, TV

how i met your mother recapping: the fortress/the time travelers

Previously on How I Met Your Mother: Weekend at Barney’s
The Fortress
Marshall, Ted and Lily are obsessed with a new show called Woodworthy Manor, which sounds a lot like Downton Abbey. Unfortunately for Marshall, Lily is also so obsessed with her new job that Marshall is way behind on episodes and spending no time with Lily. Ted is spending most of his time with Marshall though and the two end up acting like a couple. Until Lily sees the problem with spending too much time working and stops answering to The Captain’s every call.

Ted and Barney

I am the great and powerful Barney!

Barney and Robin are discussing where to live after they get married. Robin wants Barney to sell his place so they can get something together. He’s reluctant but Robin moves forward with a plan and a realtor. Barney tried to dissuade everyone from buying his apartment by discussing all the creepy additions he’s put into place. Finally a couple agrees to buy but during the negotiation process they are so mean about Barney’s innovative ideas that Robin tells them to get lost.
Best/Funniest Moments

  • The great and powerful Barney (and Robin) head
  • Train tracks under the bed
  • Marshall and Ted acting like a couple

Quotes
Barney(to Ted): Oh my god, can you just be cool? Once. Please. Just once. Can you just be cool once? Please?
Ted: No, I said dressing the dummy up was a waste of time.

The Time Travelers

Ted and Barney

How many of me are you seeing?

I know I should recap this episode, but since at the end of the episode they basically say that it was all in Ted’s head or it happened in the future or something confusing like that I don’t really know what to say. Ted was debating going to Robots vs. Wrestlers with Barney, but actually he was going to go by himself and he was seeing into the future when Barney would ask him to go (I think, I don’t know). But basically there were future Teds and Barneys trying to convince present Ted to do something that would happen five years from now (I think, I don’t know). But then there was a moment where Ted ran to his future wife’s door and told her they were gonna meet in 45 days but he couldn’t wait and then he got punched. Basically I’m very confused about what actually happened in this episode, but in reality nothing happened. Except we learned that 45 days from now Ted will meet the mother of his children. Also, Ted is lonely.
Best/Funniest Moments

  • 20 hours from now Ted
  • Robin and Marshall’s dance off

Quotes
Ted: Hi— I’m Ted Mosby. And exactly 45 days from now you and I are going to meet and we’re going to fall in love and we’re going to get married and we’re going to have 2 kids and we’re going to love them and each other so much. All that is 45 days away, but I’m here now I guess because… I want those extra 45 days with you. I want each one of them. Look and if I can’t have them I’ll take the 45 seconds before your boyfriend shows up and punches me in the face, because… I love you. I’m always gonna love you, til the end of my days and beyond. You’ll see (I still don’t get it, but its nice.)

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Mar 20 2013
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ABC, Modern Family, quotes, Recaps, TV

modern family recapping: best men

Previously on Modern Family: Bad Hair Day

Mitchell, Sal and Cameron

Two grooms!

Cam and Mitchell’s crazy bestie Sal has finally decided to settle down and make a mockery of marriage. She met a man several months ago and she knows he’s the one because her boring nights at home with him are just as fun as nights out. She does get a case of cold feet, or hot lips and makes out with the bartender right before the ceremony. But in the end she goes through with the marriage. And Cam and Mitchell performed their best men duties and bit their tongues.

Gloria and Jay have a meeting with Manny’s teacher. She is concerned about Manny’s recent artistic focus, which seems to be a woman’s body. Jay jumps to the conclusion that Manny’s inspiration is his mother, since she has been breastfeeding often. But when they’re sent out of the house by Manny and Jay discovers Manny’s notebook he realizes the inspiration is their new nanny, Daliya. Manny has planned to confess his love and as he does so, the nanny lets him down easy.

Claire thinks that she and Haley have crossed a threshold and have now reached the point in their lives where they can be friends. Claire invites Haley to dinner and she agrees. Claire is so excited they get to be friends until Haley runs into someone she knows and ditches Claire. Haley returns to the coffeehouse where Claire stayed to watch Alex and the two realize Alex is a pretty great musician. Alex is embarrassed by them and quickly, but politely, tells them to get lost. Claire and Haley bond over the moment. Phil accompanies Luke on his first date and before he knows it Luke’s date’s mom is under the impression that she and Phil are on a date. When Phil informs her that is not the case he ends up with a drink in his face, but Luke’s date wants to date him even more.

Best/Funniest Moments

  • Sal making out with the bartender
  • Manny’s romantic dinner for the Daliya
  • Phil Facebook chatting with Luke’s date

Quotes
Cameron: What kind of people would we be if we denied you or anyone the right to marry?
Mitchell: Hashtag politics.

Phil: Please, you’re at the hands of the master. I think I know how to pick up a 14-year-old girl… for you.

Gloria: It looks like a Madonna video in here!

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