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modern family recapping: phil on wire

Cam has decided to go on a juice fast. Detailing the phases he expects Cam to go through, Mitchell becomes doubtful and a little fearful and decides to join him in an act of solidarity. Loved the moment when Mitchell claimed he was doing it because he may have put on a few pounds and Cam replies, “Well I didn’t want to say anything.” Mitchell’s glare into the camera is hilarious! Anyway, Mitchell hopes that the fast would be easier on Cam if they were doing it together. Two gay men going without food, this is sure to bring us some laughs and the storyline definitely doesn’t fail.

In the Dunphy Household Phil, inspired by a movie about a young man following his dream of walking a tightrope, decides his dream is also to walk along a tightrope…who didn’t see that coming? He begins the quest to conquer and achieve his dream with Luke’s assistance. Claire on the other hand is trying to guide Alex and Haley to get along in their math class by claiming they’re acting like regular Dunphys not “Super Dunphy”. It’s clearly a flawless and brilliant plan….if Claire does say so herself. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be a “Super Dunphy”? To some extent Claire’s plan works and they take the bait, but they struck a deal exchanging what each has to offer: answers to the homework and tests, for Haley, in exchange for a seat at the cool table, for Alex.

Over at the Pritchett Household, Jay has bought a new puppy, Stella (freaking adorable!), which spends the night in bed with Jay and Gloria. The puppy though cute and cuddly to Jay is an annoyance for Gloria who thinks Jay is coddling Stella. Which he is, I love my dogs as much (if not more) than the next person, but I don’t think I’d ever purchase doggie cupcakes for them. Gloria even finds Jay showering with the puppy.

In the end Mitchell and Cam attend a party at Mitchell’s boss’s house. Mitchell is worried about Cam being over-emotional and causing a scene at the party, since as he states earlier Cam has never made it this far into and diet and he has no idea what the subsequent phases will bring. This all culminates with Cam and Mitchell resisting the delicious appetizers and listening to a sad story about a seal that drowned after a grocery bag got wrapped around its fin and head. Mitchell, though trying to calm Cam, bursts into tears (in a major role reversal) at the end of the story. The two then run out onto the beach have a heart to heart and roll together in the waves (OBVI!). Instead of fasting, Mitchell becomes Cam’s new work out buddy (the x-rated biker shorts are back!).

Claire’s attempt to guide Haley and Alex blows up in her face as they get caught cheating and are sent to the principal office. Claire, showing behavior quite similar to Haley and Alex’s gets in the face of the school’s parking lot officer, which only gets her handcuffed to the car. She realizes that with her behavior she has no right to lecture the girls. Luke however has a stroke of genius and explains to Phil that the best way to attempt the tight rope walk is to raise the height. Luke is like the surprise element, always coming out of no where with his hilarity or shockingly deep insight. Claire, Hailey, and Alex arrive home to Phil tightrope walking, and in a role reversal, Phil outdoes Claire as an exemplary parents. Claire realizes she needs to walk the walk.

Gloria complains that the dog is always chewing her stuff but Jay refuses to hear it. He doesn’t blame the puppy for chewing but Gloria for leaving the shoes out. It becomes apparent rather quickly that Gloria, in her role reversal, is jealous of Jay’s affection for the puppy. Gloria, hoping to rid the house of the puppy, tries to tempt the dog into chewing Jay’s shoe. Manny and Jay walk in on Gloria with Jay’s shoe in her mouth, kneeling in front of the dog. Jay, to show his love for Gloria, no longer lets the dog sleep in their room, but he does get up as soon as the alarm rings to dote on his puppy.
Best Quotes of the Night:

Luke: “The other day Uncle Mitchell brought over a bag of junk food so he and Cam could do a Jew fast ”
Phil: “Juice fast?”
Luke: “….I’m pretty sure he said Jew.”

Phil: “I always saw myself as the guy dancing through the sky on a tiny rope.”

Gloria: “Wife, Mistress, Dog” (her hierarchy for a husband’s devotion)

Phil (with the best closing line ever): “If I can do this….then I’ve got two ways of getting across my yard”

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new girl recapping: kryptonite

Starting this week a new face joins the cast of New Girl; Lamorne Morris plays Winston. He is replacing Damon Wayans Jr’s character “Coach” due to the ABC comedy Happy Endings being picked up for another season.

During a friendly game of catch with the roommates Jess accidentally busted Nick’s flat screen TV with a basketball. This sends the males characters into a frenzy. Jess says she’ll pay for a new one but not right away. She tells the guys that she has a similar TV but it’s at her ex-boyfriend’s place. Of course she gets talked into trying to get it back from her ex even though his hair puts her in a trance-like state. After meeting with her ex, Spencer, in the park Jess comes away empty handed but he convinces her to take his new girlfriend to the airport. Poor Jess, she didn’t stand a chance against that magical mane.

After telling her roommates about the debacle they tell her that she needs to toughen up and demand she get her belongings back even if it means she has to move on emotionally. Eventually she is ready to confront Spencer – with the help of her roommates and best friend Cece. After driving around Spencer’s block multiple times to build up the courage, Jess stops and approaches the house. Spencer answers and Jess falls back under his spell until she notices that he has been mistreating the plants. Jess snaps and thrashes through the house taking her possessions and, clumsily, storms out dropping her TV on the way.

Spencer comes out on the lawn trying to stop Jess from taking the TV but her roommates stop him and tell him he needs to let her go. I know they initially just wanted the TV but it seems as though they actually care about Jess and her feelings as well. Jess then tells Spencer that she is glad she was cheated on because she was only going to get hurt by Spencer over and over again. After Schmidt slaps Spencer the confrontation is over and the new roomies get back in Jess’ car and drive away.

Thoughts

I know it’s early in the series/season but I just feel that Nick and Jess are fated to spark up some semblance of a relationship that goes beyond just being roommates/friends. He is always the one who spearheads the movement to stand by Jess and he is usually the one who does the genuine consoling in regards to her as well. Schmidt is slowly but surely becoming my hero. I think it’s because he makes nonsensical remarks and believes them wholeheartedly. And his douche factor is at an all-time high – it gives me a goal to reach for.

Quotes

I can’t call Spencer. I haven’t talked to him since he cheated on me with that ho. Actually that’s not fair she might be a really nice…ho.” -Jess

Jess, I know. Closure. Ouch. Am I right?” -Schmidt
I don’t know at all what you’re talking about.” -Jess

See that, man? That’s my new thumb ring. How choice is that? Little skull…it’s so nectar.” -Schmidt
Did you just make up “nectar?” -Nick
No, it’s a volleyball term.” -Schmidt

Your hand is on my leg.” -Cece
Your hand is on MY leg.” -Schmidt
No, it REALLY isn’t.” -Cece
Classic He Said/She Said.” -Schmidt

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desperate housewives recapping: secrets that i never want to know

Desperate Housewives’ eighth and final season started tonight and as with any show that may have overstayed its welcome – One Tree Hill, Entourage, Heroes, etc. – this can be a time for opportunity. Most shows have done it all at this point, throwing in everything from “shocking” murders to huge sweeps week storylines (something all DH viewers know is a yearly occurrence in the form of the “Disaster Episode”).

When a show has the opportunity to end on a note of their choosing, long time fans can be rewarded with the storyline(s) we’d always hoped for, but never thought we would see (Ari and Dana Gordon finally acting on all that sexual tension) and old favorites can be carted back out for one last hurray (Lucas returning to OTH).

I remember tuning into Desperate Housewives to fill the gaping hole that Sex and the City had left just a few months before. I watched the first few seasons with an almost sick fascination with women whose lives were my worst nightmare. Sure being a wife and mother sounds like a jolly good time, but the ‘desperate’ and ‘housewife’ angles always made me break out into a cold sweat. The years (and seasons) have passed and although I’m still steadfastly anti any lifestyle that leaves me desperate enough to sleep with the underage gardener, that has nothing to do with my love for the show.

Photo courtesy of http://www.blog.zap2it.com

So here we are, one episode into the final season of the show that made some of the 90s finest (Lois Lane and Dr. Kimberly Shaw, of course) relevant again. “Secrets That I Never Want to Know” was the nighttime soap quality I’ve come to expect from Desperate Housewives. I like when a show comes full-circle and DH definitely got back to that first season, “Why did Mary Alice kill herself?!?!” feel tonight.

The following are just a few of the questions I was left with, as well as what I expect to see next week:

  • Is the murder going to be the major story for this season? Watching these ladies avoid getting caught will only be humorous so many times, I expect a resolution of sorts by mid-season, followed by another HUGE mystery to carry us through to the series finale.
  • Are Celia, Penny and Parker going to receive any type of relevant story lines this season? Just curious.
  • When did Bree make the transition from saintly Madonna to whore-like? Don’t misunderstand me, I LOVE seeing her like this, but I can’t pinpoint when the change happened. I blame Brian Austin Green!
  • Mike has been to prison and “accidentally” killed a man, why is Susan the only one that thinks he would be able to handle their secret?
  • Who is going to break first: Susan or Carlos? I think Susan will be the first to tell someone (Mike) but Carlos will probably turn himself in, unnecessarily.
  • Is Lynette really over Tom? How long are they going to drag this out for? I don’t want to see Lynette date around and I don’t think I can handle seeing that look of hurt Tom sported several times throughout this episode ever, ever again.
  • The letter Bree received was obviously meant to be reminiscent of the one that drove Mary Alice to commit suicide, except I don’t think it has anything to do with this season’s mystery.
  • What’s the new neighbor’s deal? No one ever moves onto Wisteria Lane for a normal reason, but they’ve already covered murderers to death. Maybe he’s really just there to provide Renee with something more to do than shoot off a few witty comments every few episodes.

Photo courtesy of http://www.sidereel.com

Quotes:

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you could do this professionally.” – Detective Chuck Vance…post coitus

“There’s no coffee, no poker. No bitching about husbands over coffee and poker.” – Mike

“Continue my son – (giggles) – my son. I’m sorry, it’s just, you’re like a thousand years older than me.” – The Father who also tweets during confession

“Mens cologne?” – Det. Vance
“She’s a lesbian!”
– Bree

“I’m going to go see the new neighbor. You know…give him a ride on the ol’ welcome wagon.” – Renee aka “the ol’ welcome wagon”

 

Am I asking for too much? Should I expect to see this “murder mystery” spread out over the whole season? Did I miss a pertinent detail? Are you glad to know that you aren’t the only one still watching this show? No seriously, if I missed something, let me know…I want to get the full experience.

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fall 2011: new shows we won’t be watching

We will watch a lot of things and are the first people to admit that sometimes those shows aren’t exactly Emmy-material (*cough* Jersey Shore *cough*). But there are some shows that are so spectacularly senseless we refuse to even give them a one-episode pity view. The blame could fall on shoddy marketing efforts on the show’s behalf or disastrous looking previews. We might even be inclined to dismiss a new show because we don’t like the lead actor/actresses (it has happened and we’re not proud of that, but we have to stand by those petty decisions).

As we’ve covered, there are some fall shows that look great and others that we think won’t make it past the first few episodes, but the shows that made this list we just don’t plan on watching. Ever. Unless they become hits….at which point we’ll offer a formal apology and perhaps even jump on the bandwagon….but we’re confident it won’t come to that….ever.

11 New Shows We Don’t Plan on Watching

Hart of Dixie – The CW
Missing – ABC
Smash – NBC
Unforgettable – CBS
Man Up – ABC
Allen Gregory – Fox
Suburgatory – ABC
Napoleon Dynamite – Fox
A Gifted Man – CBS
H8R –The CW
The Secret Circle – The CW

New Show I Definitely Won’t Watch by Nicole…“H8R”

We’ll start with the name: H8R. In the show’s defense, I probably wouldn’t have liked Hater any better, but text abbreviations have their time and place, and a show title is neither of those. The show plays on our obsession with celebrities. Every day people (just like you and me!) are confronted by the celebrities they hate and during this “confrontation” the celebrity tries to win their “h8r” over. AC Slater…er…sorry…Mario Lopez is the host AND executive producer (I’ll let you do with that whatever you please).

Overall the show looks like something MTV might have thrown on its afternoon programming back when TRL reigned supreme. The celebrities that keep popping up in the promos are Snooki and Kim Kardashian, which works since they are hated by so many people, but I can’t help but feel that it’s going to turn into a tear-fest when these women (and whatever other celebrities this show plans to have) try and win the favor of the fans that hate them. It’s a waste. The people that invest time and energy into hating celebrities are too busy doing that to faithfully watch a show that calls them out on it.

I say all of that to simply say this: the show looks dumb and the name of the show is even dumber. I know the CW sometimes takes a ‘throw it in the air and see if it flies’ approach to programming (Example A: The Beautiful Life) so I’m sure they’re hoping for a hit. Unfortunately for whatever new show that could have had that time slot, they don’t.

New Show I Definitely Won’t Watch by Will…“Hart of Dixie”

I have never been a fan of Rachel Bilson’s acting per se but I don’t mind her just showing up every now and then. But if you’re going to try and sell me on the fact that the girl from those anti-awesome Magnum Ice Cream commercials is headlining the new CW show Hart of Dixie then I hope you have more than a bridge in Brooklyn for sale.

The “big city meets small town” dynamic has been done countless times and I’m not dismissing the show for that sole purpose. I just don’t think Bilson has what it takes to lead the cast and have me setting the DVR to tune in weekly – especially when House is in the same time slot and, possibly, in its final season. Positioning the new show behind a successful show (Gossip Girl) with a similarly targeted demographic is a great strategic move to get some carry-over views.

I think the show will make it through the season and even be picked up for another season on the CW. The hardcore viewers of the network seem to faithfully tune in to their dramas even when sometimes we…uh…they feel a show may have overstayed their welcome. Here’s looking at you OTH.

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tvdm top nine tv picks for the fall season (there was room for ten, we just prefer nine)

Before cable TV introduced original programming, we were forced to endure reruns during the summer months. Obviously, this time should be spent enjoying summer fun in the summer sun and all those other things the Beach Boys so happily sang about, but realistically, there was a gaping hole felt from May to September.

With the fall season almost here our excitement level is high. New things, old things! Soon-to-be cancelled shows, should-have-been-cancelled years ago shows! All of them lighting up our screens and filling our DVRs!

We’ve compiled a list of our top nine (yes, nine) picks of returning and new shows set to start this season. The news shows we’re hoping make it to mid-season and beyond, and if there were bets being placed on them, we’d do that too.

Top Nine NEW Show Picks in No Particular Order
New Girl – comedy on Fox
Person of Interest – drama/thriller on CBS
Ringer – drama/mystery on The CW
Alcatraz –drama on Fox
Homeland –psych thriller on Showtime
Terra Nova
– sci-fi drama on Fox
Grimm
– fantasy/mystery/cop show on NBC
Two Broke Girls
– comedy on CBS
Once Upon a Time
– drama/fantasy on ABC (the fairy-tale similarities between this and Grimm have not went unnoticed)

Nicole’s Top Pick: Buffy the Vampire Slayer was integral to my formative years and hands-down one of my favorite shows ever, which was largely due to the acting talents of Sarah Michelle Gellar. Her new show, Ringer, sounds exciting (twins, murder, double-lives, adultery, spying, low-lighting, strobe-lighting, etc.) and I think somewhere along the way my brain was wired to watch every CW show at least once. I am also a fan of the quirky, awkward acting style of Zooey Deshanel, but I’m rooting for Gellar the most.

Will’s Top Pick: Sooooo you’re telling me that I get to see Zooey Deschanel on a weekly basis? With those beautiful doe eyes? With that adorable smile? (She could be a smile model!!!) And that classic “Ridiculously hot and awesome girl next door vibe”?! I’m sold! But if I have to actually pick an entire show, I go with Homeland. I love a deep digging and thought provoking thriller every now and again and this one has the ingredients to satisfy. After the abrupt collapse of AMC’s Rubicon – that show was amazing until the last two eppies went all nonsensical – Homeland should be able to step in and capitalize in a genre that is, seemingly, difficult to maintain.

Top Nine RETURNING Show Picks in No Particular Order
Boardwalk Empire – HBO
Glee – Fox
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – FX
Fringe – Fox
Community – NBC
The Walking Dead – AMC
Parenthood
– NBC
Dexter
– Showtime
How to Make it in America
– HBO

Will’s Top Pick: This season I’m going to be following Fringe the closest. Even though my inner/outer “Gleek” is concerned with the impending changing of the guard, the stories and characters that J.J. Abrams and crew can create sucks me in every single time. As many times as I try to predict the future in that show I end up looking more and more like Ms. Cleo (racism not included).

Nicole’s Top Pick: I’m looking forward to all of these for completely different reasons (Community’s Joel McHale and Donald Glover are reason enough and Dexter is doing a “time-jump” that is supposedly going to result in a season one feel for the show’s main character), but I’d have to say I’m most excited for How to Make it in America. I can relate to the “twentysomething, screw corporate America and build something of your own, similar to Entourage but more realistic” feel of this show and I can’t wait to see how they’ve developed the characters (and if Kid Cudi will have a larger role this season).

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