Tag Archives: IASIP quotes

it’s always sunny in philadelphia’s best quotes: charlie and dee find love

Previous IASIP quotes: Charlie and Dee Find Love

“Yeah, yeah, and it’s not going to be me, OK? I’m not doing those dishes because I had the hardest job.” – Mac

“Setting the table? Are you dumb?” – Dee

“I hosted! It was wall-to-wall details. I was on edge the whole time!” – Mac

“Well, it’s gotta be you or Frank or Charlie, because Dennis and I cooked.” – Dee

“The food was mush.” – Frank

“The food was divine. It was pheasant.” – Dennis

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“I had the hardest job of anyone. I traveled all the way to this exotic merchant in search of this rare foul.” – Charlie

“What the hell are you talking about Charlie? You went to the corner gourmet grocery store and you bought a pheasant.” – Dennis

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“Wow, that’s almost impossible.” – The therapist

“Well, first of all, through God, all things are possible, so jot that down.” – Mac

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“Oh, I get it, cute, you leave this pen here and people are supposed to think, wait, that looks like a dick.” – Mac

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“Well, Charlie work is like, you know, like basement stuff, cleaning urinals, blood stuff, your basic slimes, your sludges, anything dead or decaying. You know? I’m on it, I’m dealing with it.” – Charlie

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“…would it be weird if you eat cat food to go to sleep and you have such a fascination with cats that maybe you glue cat hair on the back of your neck every now and again?” – Charlie

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“To be in someone’s mind. To have complete control. It’s like the thrill of being near the executioner’s switch. Knowing that at any moment, you could throw it, but knowing you never will…but you could, never isn’t the right word, because I could…and I might…I probably will.” – Dennis

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“So he has no appetite because you’re drugging him, secretly?” – The therapist

“Giving a man medicine for his disease, wherever did I get that idea?” – Dennis

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“Yea, I want to do this the right way Dennis. The therapist implied that God wanted me to have bovine hormones and I think that she’s going to get them for me.” – Mac

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Other notables:

  • Dee’s therapist was played by Kerri Kenney (Deputy Trudy Wiegel, Reno 911)
  • Mac’s whole sessions was pure crazy. It was awesome.
  • I would LOVE to read Dennis’ psychological dossiers, but more than that, I’d love it if Charlie wrote them. He writes the best books.
  • Dennis drawing during his “session” was surprisingly not one of the creepiest things he’s ever done.
  • Was anyone else reminded of Ben Stiller’s “Do it, do it” in Starsky & Hutch when Dee kept repeating “Tell me I’m good”? Anyone??
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it’s always sunny in philadelphia’s best quotes: charlie and dee find love

Previous IASIP quotes: Maureen Ponderosa’s Wedding Massacre

“If you don’t have car insurance, you better have dental, because I’m going to smash your teeth into dust.” – Sweet Dee

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“My whole family was a Taft family. My uncles and grandfathers and cousins all worked for TAFTCO Enterprises. My uncle even drowned in a vat of their molten steel.” – Mac
“He didn’t drown, he burned up.” – Frank
“He probably burned. Yeah, I don’t think he drowned.” – Charlie

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“Be anybody but yourselves. ANYBODY. Charlie, do not eat any cheese or any cheese-like substances. If you see any cheese, you run away from it! Dee, do not be a drunk, punchy whore. OK you whore?” – Mac

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“You like this pit stain?” – Sweet Dee
“That’s nasty yo!” – Charlie

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“What Dee? She’s constantly being crushed, she’ll bounce back, she always does. Or she won’t. It doesn’t matter, I don’t care about that. All I care about is Charlie here.” – Dennis

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“I love how free and uninhibited you are.” – Trevor
“Oh yeah? How ”bout I free that big, fat snake in your pants and uninhibit myself allll over it.” –  Sweet Dee

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“I’ve got more of a Catholic thing going on…sort of a, hand of God.” – Mac

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“I should have known better, cuz I’m practically a Taft myself. My uncle is probably built into the foundation of this place.” – Mac
“Really? Weird.” – Trevor

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“Trevor, why would you tell him that?” – Jameson Taft
“I didn’t know I was being filmed!” – Trevor
“If you’re in my room, you’re always being filmed.” – Dennis

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“Oh yeah, I know. OK? I was using you. That’s why I kissed you in front of the Waitress. That’s why I banged you a bunch of times, just to make the Waitress jealous. Amazing. You slept with me almost instantly. And by the way, a quality woman doesn’t do that, she doesn’t say ‘yes’ right away. She says ‘no’ to a man for years, like ten years! That’s what a real woman does, OK? You know what you were acting like? A stupid, little rich slut, and that’s all that you are.” – Charlie
“How can you do this to me?” – Ruby
“Are you still talking? Go away dum-dum. Go run and hide. Go from me. I don’t want to see you.” – Charlie

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Other notables:

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