Tag Archives: Ikea

new girl’s best quotes: fluffer

Previous New Girl Quotes: Re-Launch and Katie

  • “I need your help. I don’t know what to do. I’m terrible at casual sex. I left him in there with crayons and paper like he’s a kid in a restaurant and I told him I had to check my fantasy football.” – Jess
    “You don’t even know what that is.” – Nick
    “No sir, I do not know what that is. I panicked, help me.” – Jess
  • “I deserve to have a shorty on the side.” – Jess
    “Yeah, shorty’s not…that’s the wrong use of shorty. – Nick
  • “It’s after Labor Day. I’m wearing whales.” – Schmidt
    “You look like the bad guy in an 80s high school movie.” – Nick
  • “Friending Kanye is the most efficient way for me to jump social strata. Now all I have to do is meet him and then dazzle him to the point that we’re each other’s last call before bed. Yo, what up K. Yeah, I’m just going to sleep. You watching Fallon? That brotha is crazy.” – Schmidt
  • “Last night was horrible. Sam came over, we tried to make out, I stopped it, and then we just laid there like two old people in The Notebook, waiting to die.” – Jess
  • “Can’t miss this Nick. I got the belt on, I took Winston with me to prove that I can be friends with black people, even oddly shaped ones.” – Schmidt
  • “Whoa. I forgot what you look like when you’re not dressed like the loft troll.” – Nick
  • “…I can afford the valet charge and the ‘add onions’.” – Nick
  • “I’m Tugg Romney. Tagg’s everywhere, too much Tagg for me.” – Schmidt
  • “Sure, I’m not doing anything. But don’t let me lay eyes on the Malm collection. I can’t afford it, I’m a sucker for it every time.” – Nick
  • “You know they have Romney Olympics every summer at the lake house? I bet that’s a hoot. I’m sure it’s like the real Olympics, only the white people win the sprints.” – Schmidt
  • “Sleeping Nick is a totally different guy.” – Nick
  • “Nickels are worse than no money!” – Jess
  • “That was a pocket dial. That was an ill-time pocket dial. I will not explain myself!” – Nick
  • “Sometimes I think that I’m just a riddle that, well, even I can’t solve.
    pensive look::
    Yeah, see I tried to solve it again.” – Schmidt
  • “We don’t drink the beers Courtney. We just buy them to support American breweries. Then we dump them in the lake, because we’re Americans.” – Schmidt
  • “This isn’t a sex thing is it? Because I can’t pleasure a woman and build a dresser at the same time, you know? I’m not God.” – Sam
  • “…and never Adele.” – Winston
    “Adele?” – Nick
    “Never Adele.” – Winston
    “Adele’s amazing.” – Nick
    “No Adele. No concerts. No music. No t-shirts. No nothing.” – Winston
    “But guys and girls…” – Nick
    “NEVER ADELE!” – Winston (Dear writers, please figure out what to do with Winston. You’re wasting a very funny character, which is becoming increasingly annoying. Thank you.)
  • “Are you spelling it right? Two ‘Gs’, silent ‘B’.” – Schmidt
  • “Nitpicking turns me off. You’re all horribly unattractive to me. Tugg Romney out.” – Schmidt
  • “Hey, I got your text. When you’re going through a ‘Taylor Swift-like range of emotions’, I should come over, right?” – Cece
    “You’re the only one I could talk to. Being brown, you have the wisdom of a thousand white women.” – Schmidt
  • “Forget it Jess. I’m building you the dresser. I love this stuff. It’s like high-stakes LEGOs.” – Nick
  • “Maybe I should just stop trying with Sam. I’m old-fashioned below the belt. I’ve got a Civil War-era piece of equipment and that’s all she wrote.” – Jess
Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

30 rock recapping: hey baby what’s wrong

Previously on 30 Rock: Today You Are A Man

Ikea Trip

To make up for leaving us without 30 Rock for the fall, 30 Rock has given us two episodes in one night (two weeks ago) and this week they’re making up with us again with an hour long Valentine’s Day episode! Yays!

Liz and Criss will be spending Valentine’s day giving their relationship the ultimate test…a trip to Ikea! Jack, who hasn’t had “Mommy and Daddy Sheet Monster Time” (Liz’s words not mine), won’t be celebrating Valentine’s Day since Avery is still in North Korea. Avery’s mom pops into town to discuss the progress, or lack of progress, in returning Avery to the US.

Lutz who  has never had a good Valentine’s Day gets adopted by Tracy and Frank who will teach him the scumbag ways of picking up women. Jenna is nervous about performing live for the largest audience she’s ever had and Pete is producing the show.

Jack and Avery's mom

The tension between Liz and Criss is mounting as he picks out silly Valentine’s Day crap and she tells him he can’t get it if he’s not paying. They disagree about what table to get and Criss even suggest going an entirely different route and not purchasing one from Ikea. A fight starts but they lock it down. But in the warehouse, when Ikea is out of the table they selected the fight comes full force and they break up.

Avery’s mom and Jack have a meeting with the Trannsylvania Ambassador. It wasn’t successful. By the end she unplugged his phone and slapped him on the nose like a dog, Jack ruined friends and the inappropriate sexual tension mounts. During Jenna’s dress rehearsal her voice sounds froggy and hoarse. Not a good sign for Jenna, but all those who want her to fail will be pleased. Dr. Spaceman looks at her and says nothing is wrong. And her symptoms are psychosomatic because of the pressure. Jenna explains that she’s dealt with pressure before so that obviously can’t be it.

Attacked by an Iguana

Kenneth is trying to break in the new page who on her first day had a seizure, was attacked by an iguana, and had milk thrown at her. She doesn’t like her new “glamorous” life. But Kenneth tells her sometimes you have to start at the bottom. Tracy, Franks, and Lutz go to all the places where scumbags pick up women: Weight Watchers, beauty salons where white girls try to do black girl hair styles, and clothing stores. Lutz doesn’t pick up any women, but he does get a pretty one piece purple bathing suit.

Finally, they take him to the last place to pick up vulnerable women: the Ikea parking lot. Lutz hits on a sulking Liz and they both have realizations. Liz needs to apologize to Criss. Pete tells Jenna that she has the yips and he can sympathize because it happened to him. After acknowledging her problem Jenna hopes it’ll all be better. It’s not, it’s worse. But Pete figures it out, Jenna needs pain to distract her from the nerves. And she gets her voice back.

Criss and Liz Make up

Liz runs all the way home panicked that Criss won’t be there. But he is, with a new dining room table and dinner. Liz is glad to know that Criss isn’t bothered by her crazy, he just gets over it easily. The new page delivers a package to LIz’s house just as she and Criss have made up. Her aspiration is now to get Liz Lemon’s life. And she’s gonna be pretty creepy about it. Jack and Avery’s mother don’t cross any lines and they work out their frustrations at the driving range, how sexy.

Best/Funniest Moment

  • Liz recounting her past Valentine’s Days
  • Frank and Tracy teaching Lutz the scumbag ways
  • Jack and Avery’s mom playing golf


Liz: “Oh my God. I’m female Lutz.”

Dr. Spaceman: “Unfortunately there’s no field of medicine that deals with the brain.”

Criss: “The only thing you like about your job is taking home free sodas.”

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,
%d bloggers like this: