Tag Archives: Modern Family

modern family recapping: virgin territory

Previously on Modern Family: Aunt Mommy

Alex, Haley, and Lily

Luke and Manny’s unlikely friendship continues to blossom as the two try to take Lily down. She’s obviously too cute and taking up all of their screen time, something must be done. Their elaborate trap catches the wrong victim, Cam, who “hurts” his back, but really just needs a moment alone in Claire’s house to find the Tupperware she claims to have given back to him. Everyone is shooed out of the house, Claire to yoga, Gloria following Claire to bond in yoga, Mitchell to get a heating pad and fix a ruined memory for his dad, Phil and the girls (Alex, Haley, and Lily) to the doll hospital (Lily’s doll was also injured in the trap), and Luke and Manny to impress a girl down the street who likes bad boys.

Phil and Haley

On the way to the doll hospital, Phil says something about Haley being a virgin, though he is no referring to sex when he says it, Alex’s subsequent laugh hints something that Phil probably would’ve been better off not knowing. Phil can’t see Haley the same way anymore and they speak in code about the doll and its injury referring to how things will never be the same. Phil does come to terms with it, because he’s the cool dad. And Haley does confirm that he is a cool dad.

Gloria and Claire

Claire is reluctant to let Gloria join her at yoga, though Gloria persists. Claire has to let Gloria in on her dirty little secret. She doesn’t actually go to yoga, she goes to the shooting range and fires off some shots. Gloria loves it, especially since she’s a sharp shot, and the two do bond. Mitchell and Jay also bond, though inadvertently. Mitchell ruined a past memory about Jay’s hole-in-one, letting it slip that he, Mitchell actually kicked the ball in. Jay’s upset because his rep it ruined, Mitchell is upset because that hole-in-one was the basis for a very pleasant evening with his Dad and his first beer. Naturally, Jay is too hung up on the ruined rep to care for Mitchell’s nostalgia. But he does clear up when Mitchell has his first beer. Turns out, Mitchell was wrong all along.

Manny and Luke

To get the attention of the girl down the street who likes bad boys, Manny and Luke take Cam’s car and do a super smooth drive by. Then do a not so smooth drive back (in reverse) because Manny can’t U-turn. Cam does eventually find the Tupperware, proving that he is not in fact crazy, well kind of. And, I know everyone was worried, Lily’s doll is going to be just fine. Doctor’s said she’ll make a full recovery.

Best/Funniest Moments

  • Talking about the doll hospital and medical insurance.
  • Gloria becoming upset about blind models not being able to see how pretty they are.
  • How seriously the doll doctor took his job.
  • Phil’s transparent exuberance about Alex wanting a doll, which means she’ll prob be a virgin for a bit longer than Haley.
  • Manny’s panicked face as he reversed by the blonde girl.


Claire [to Gloria]: “I live with 4 teenagers, you live with 2 adults.”

Cam: “Do you think it would be offensive to ask my daughter to walk on my back?”

Luke: “My mom hates messes.”
Manny: “I’m familiar with Claire.”

Gloria: “In my village, a doll was an apple on a fork.”

Kristen is a confused young adult who sometimes thinks TV shows are actually her life. Wouldn’t that be cool? Unless she was a victim on Dexter, or a deranged privileged teenager on gossip girl, or a wolf on teen wolf, or Liz Lemon! Never mind. It wouldn’t be cool. Kristen is a young adult. Follow her @kris10_Alyse or read frustrateddreamer.com
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modern family recapping: lifetime supply

Previously on Modern Family: Express Christmas

Lifetime supply done!

Phil gets a health scare and immediately after, runs out of the lifetime supply of razors he won on a game show. So naturally, he thinks he’s going to die. And, eventually, so does everyone else. Phil’s irrationality is one of my favorite parts of the shows, especially when he starts staring at Luke and Haley. Claire tries, at first, to tell him everything is going to be fine, but eventually she believes his worries. The family all gathers to support Phil, only to find out the doctor was looking for a real estate agent.

Jay, Manny, Javier

Jay and Manny (who looks more like he could’ve stepped off the set of Clueless than like Matt Damon in Bagger Vance), have a planned golf outing. But Manny’s father, Javier (Benjamin Bratt), shows up and wants to take Manny to the race track. Gloria urges Jay to go with them. So the three have a lovely father-son-stepfather outing at the racetrack where we learn Javier can see into a horse’s soul, Jay likes to play it nice and safe by evaluating information, and where Manny gets his impeccable fashion sense. Javier’s soul searching works and his horse wins. Despite the competition, he and Jay come to friendly terms.

Mitchell has won an Environmental Law award, and Cam is very proud of him. He displays Mitchell’s trophy on the mantel. Mitchell soon finds a fishing trophy next to his law trophy. He accepts it, but when the fishing trophy grows taller than his law trophy his annoyance gets the better of him. Cam claims that he has never displayed his many many trophies so as not to hurt Mitchell’s feelings. Mitchell doesn’t believe him and finds clarity in Alex, who agrees completely with Mitchell. In an attempt to no longer act like a 14-year old girl, Mitchell tries to display all of Cam’s trophies, but before he can he is scared by, what I thought was a giant cockroach, but apparently was a black mouse (phew), and Cam finds Mitchell stomping all over his trophies.


In the end the whole family gathers together to offer Phil their support, learn the good news about the bad news never existing, and stare at Javier’s beautifulness. Solidarity is what it’s all about.

Luke and Old Man

Best/Funniest Moments

  • Phil sucking in his stomach at the doctors appointment.
  • Gloria telling Jay about her dream, then scolding him for assuming the mouse talks.
  • Jay teasing Manny’s father about reading souls by widening his eyes so Javier can read his soul.
  • Luke playing video games with the crypt keeper.
  • Phil staring at Luke and Haley.
  • Mitchell’s Aha! moment, when Alex agrees with his petty actions.

Best Quotes

Jay: This is a lot of hocus pocus, I can’t believe I bought a coffee cake over this!!!

Javier: Golf? Psh that sport is for old men and women who like other women.

MVQ: Phil: Let’s dim the lights, crank up Norah Jones and get this over with.

Kristen is a confused young adult who sometimes thinks TV shows are actually her life, wouldn’t that be cool? Unless she was a victim on Dexter, or a deranged privileged teenager on gossip girl, or a wolf on teen wolf, or Liz Lemon! Never mind it wouldn’t be cool. Kristen is a young adult. Follow her @kris10_Alyse or read frustrateddreamer.com

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modern family recapping: express christmas

Sitting Poolside

This was an unusual episode from the get go. First, it was the Christmas episode, yet they were all sunbathing by the pool. Not exactly a typical start to a Christmas episode. We quickly learn that it’s not actually Christmas but the family is not going to be able to spend Christmas together. Phil proposes an “express Christmas” which basically means everyone is going to run around like mad to throw together a last minute Christmas celebration. Sounds entertaining to me, I’m in.

So the group starts assigning tasks:

  • Claire and Haley handle gift shopping
  • Jay and Cam are in charge of wrapping gifts
  • Luke and Gloria have to get the angel from the attic
  • Phil and Manny get the food
  • Mitchell, Alex, and Lily get the tree

Once everyone finishes their task they’ll meet back at Phil and Claire’s for the celebration. The pairs are noticeably odd but it works.

Claire and Haley set off to Target, where there is a sweet product placement moment, wonder how much Target paid for that? Haley is overwhelmed at first, because the place is so big and the list is so long but Claire pulls her together and tells her this is what her years of training have led to. Haley takes the inspiration and goes with it, sniffing out the first item on the list like a champ. Of course things get complicated when Haley is sent to get the last item on the list and the last ladybug lamp in the store gets taken by some guy. Haley’s initial thought is to use what her Mama gave her to get it back, until he talks on the phone and it becomes clear he’s gay. With that idea out the window Haley has to get resourceful. A Target employee walks by and Haley follows him. While Claire is stalling at the checkout by buying packs of gum Haley comes up in a target shirt and gives Claire the lady bug lamp. I guess all of Haley’s training really paid off.

Gift Giving

Jay and Cam are gift wrapping with Cam’s mobile wrapping station (he would have one of those) and Cam notices how much tape Jay puts on his gifts. Cam insinuates that the amount of tape Jay uses is also a metaphor for not letting anyone in. Cam though, ever the pusher, decides to give Jay his gift a little early. Jay opens it to find a cork, which, Cam tells him, was from the wine they drank during the first football game they watched together. Ridiculous. Cam of course gets upset that Jay doesn’t remember. Jay explains that he’s just not that kind of guy. Cam says he just needs time for his wound to heal and walks away with his mobile wrapping station and his dignity.

Fixing the Angel

Gloria is afraid of the spiders in the attic, so Luke is helping her find the Angel. Gloria guides him through the attic, telling him to stay on the beams, while she stays on the ladder in case she has to make a quick escape from the spiders. While telling him to look out, Luke misunderstands her, steps off the beams and his foot goes through the ceiling. Luke explains because when she says “Luke” and “Look” it sounds the same. Gloria doesn’t hear it, until she says “Luke Look” and then she hears it. Luke is relieved. On their way to the Dunphy house, Gloria runs over a Christmas Tree and tells Luke not to look back. Then while looking at the Angel Gloria sees a spider on it and throws it out the window.

Phil and Manny have all the food, but Phil needs to make a shady stop to pick up a gift for Jay.  Manny, newly worried about kidnapping, is freaking out a bit. But Phil explains this is how Craigslist works, because Craigslist isn’t shady at all. In the negotiation and confusion Manny hits Phil with the taser and the seller get their turkey. Phil also manages to ruin the baseball card he just bought Jay with taser-induced hand spasms that crush the card.

Angel, Mitchell, Alex, Jay

Mitchell and Alex work well together and honestly I think they were my favorite team. Both Mitchell and Alex are pretty particular about the kind of tree they want and they agree they it needs to be a Douglas fir, over eight feet tall, with no bald patches. A man working there suggests they might like what’s behind him, which is a tree that’s been spray painted pink. Alex goes off on him, calling him a knuckle-dragger. And the man corrects her by saying he was talking about the truck full of Douglas firs that was being unloaded behind the tacky pink tree.   They take the tree behind them and thank their lucky stars that they’ll never have to return, until Mitchell stops short, the tree goes flying off the roof and Gloria runs it over.


When everyone reconvenes at the Dunphy House, Cam isn’t speaking to Jay, the Angel is broken, the tree is in pieces, and there is no Turkey. Everyone feels a bit defeated and they’re no longer prepared to celebrate Christmas. Jay suggests that they all have a Jewish Christmas and go out for Chinese food. When they walk outside there is a man blowing snow onto the Dunphy’s house. Jay has surprised them all with snowfall. Everyone is delighted and plays in the snow.

Best Quotes:

Alex: Okay just because my uncle is clearly gay, doesn’t mean he’d ever want your tacky pink tree. And frankly, we’d rather throw some lights on our coat rack than have to deal with knuckledraggers like you, today of all days…December 16th. (It’s rare that Alex has a memorable moment, let alone quote, I’m glad the writers are giving her some good material).

Claire: Listen to me, your whole life has led to this moment. All the training, the hours of dedication, there’s not a soul alive that can touch you when it comes to shopping and baby you know it. Look at me, be you!
Gloria: Luke!
Luke: At what?
Gloria: What do you mean at what? I said Luke.
Luke: I am looking!

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modern family recapping: treehouse

Last week I was pretty disappointed with Modern Family. They chose to repeat last year’s Halloween episode instead of making a new one. Did I love last year’s Halloween episode? Absolutely. Enough to see it again as this year’s Halloween episode? Eh, not so much. But what’s done is done, so let’s move on to this week’s episode.

Over at the Dunphy Household. Phil wants to build Luke a tree house. Though he tells Claire that he ran this whole idea by her and she agreed, he didn’t. He just knew she would say no and he couldn’t have Claire raining on his tree house parade. Well played Phil. Haley is working on her college essay, but she can’t seem to find the right angle for it. She blames this on her parents for making her life too easy. Claire surreptitiously claims to have something Haley needs to see. Haley a little panicked blindly follows Claire.

Jay and Gloria has another couple over for dinner, Jay’s friend Shorty and Jennifer Tilly. The two are talking about all the different things they do together, like salsa dancing, picnics, etc. Gloria complains to Jay that they never do anything fun together. Shame on you Gloria! You and Jay watch Colombian soap operas together! Anyway, Jay isn’t bothered by the lack of activities in their lives, because he prefers loafing on the coach to salsa dancing. The couple invite Gloria to join them, despite Jay’s unwillingness to go. She agrees.

Cam and Leslie Mann

Cam and Mitchell are out with another gay friend, when the waitress starts flirting with Cam. Cam believes she’s flirting because she doesn’t know he’s gay and she’s interested. Mitchell claims it’s because she wants a good tip. To prove Mitchell wrong, Cam bets doing the laundry for a month, that he can get the number of any woman in the room. Mitchell accepts and picks a beautiful blond (played by Leslie Mann, love her!) at the bar. Cam goes over and pretends that they know each other, she makes up some story about a coma and that’s why she can’t place who he is, he feels bad, reveals what he did, they both laugh, have a nice chat, and then she gives him her number, much to Mitchell’s chagrin.

While building the tree house with Luke, Phil tells him he wants it to be a hangout for Luke and his friends because making friends isn’t so easy once you’re an adult. But the tree house turns out to be slightly harder to build than Phil had expected and Luke fears for his life a bit. Luke abandons the project and when Phil tells him he’s building this tree house for him, Luke questions this, which apparently is Luke’s surefire way of getting Phil to go deep into thought, allowing Luke to slip out unnoticed.  Phil makes friends with the neighbor, giving him a purpose for the tree house. Claire wants to give Haley an obstacle to overcome, so she drops her off at a random tree in the middle of nowhere and tells her to get home. Haley’s pretty PO’d once she arrives home, her hair messy and her face a little dirty, but I see Claire’s point. Kudos Claire.


Jay tells Manny that he doesn’t want to go dancing with Gloria because he can’t dance. So Manny, loving Salsa as much as he does (that kid is really weird), offers to teach Jay. Jay doesn’t seem to be getting it. Mitchell shows up announced, interrupting the salsa lessons, and gives Jay a solution, a pill. Apparently it’s how Mitchell loses his inhibitions when he goes out dancing at the gay club. Jay surprises Gloria at the salsa club, after having taken the pill. Yeah, it was baby aspirin.

Cam laments to Mitchell how bad he feels about misleading Leslie Mann’s Character, (anyone catch her name?). So he decides to call her and let her down gently. But he can’t do it over the phone, so he tells her to drop by. As she goes on and on about feeling a connection and wanting to take him to her sister’s wedding, Cam feels worse and worse. Finally he tells her she’s gay. She doesn’t understand why she’s telling him this because obviously she knew all along. Cam hiding his gay is like Gloria hiding her “assets”, can’t be done. Cam is embarrassed and doesn’t want to hear Mitchell gloat so she puts on a big theatrical show about being heartbroken, even kissing Cam, which apparently was so good he forgot he was gay for a second. I hope her role is reoccurring. For serious, love her.

Best Quotes

Cameron: If she were I would never have been that smooth. It’s ironic, like “The Gift of the Vagi.”
Phil: Did I just say wife gets in the way? Cause sometimes I do that.

Manny: Forbidden dance floor, only makes me want it more.
Haley: Dear College, Cheese makes me gassy, see you in September.

Cameron: How would she know I’m gay?
Mitchell: Maybe by the way you ordered a drink a doodle do.
Phil: You know who can’t climb trees?
Luke: Raccoons?
Phil: Worries. Raccoons can and will so don’t leave food up here.

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modern family recapping: go bullfrogs!

Phil toe-touching

In an attempt to get Haley excited about college, Phil takes her to visit his alma mater (Go Bullfrogs, or Bulldogs, or whatever) and with Alex and Luke both at sleepovers Claire is free to have a night to herself. Naturally, for a good time, she goes to the two gay men in her life, Mitchell and Cam. Unfortunately for Claire, Mitchell and Cam are no longer gay men, they’re old women who have to be in bed by 8:00. Phil tries to entice Haley into going to his school by talking about all the good time and, as usual, over sharing. He talks about sliding down the hill on lunch trays, drinking beer, and taking back the night. Then he joins the cheer leading squad for a cheer and a toe touch.

Gloria wants Jay to spend more time with her, so he’s agreed to watch her Colombian soap operas. But Gloria is too preoccupied with the package that Manny received in the mail and whisked up to his room before she could take a look, to focus on the show, which apparently Jay is really getting into. Jay sheds his wisdom on the situation and comes to the conclusion that Manny has ordered a stack of playboys or something of the like and is now enjoying them in his room, which horrifies Gloria.

Claire Out

Unwilling to let Cam and Mitchell act as the wet blankets on her one night of freedom, Claire accepts an offer to be shown a good time but a gorgeous French man who she assumes to be gay because of the company he’s in. She’s flirting innocently, undressing in front of him, and asking for fashion advice, but since he’s not gay this all comes off as throwing herself at him, which, unfortunately for Claire, gets pointed out in front  the gossipy moms who are watching the sleepover Luke’s at.

Cam and Mitchell go home, but the valet brought them the wrong Prius. Within the Prius they discover tickets, parking passes, vacation reservations, and more things to show them they may have become old ladies. When they try to return the car to its proper owner, they get attacked by a crazy woman and decide to go home with the hopes that their car will magically appear, like the cow on the farm. No sooner have they made the acclamation, when a man pulls up in their Prius and seeing the state of his car assumes they’ve met his wife. With the adventurous life proven to be the life of a cheater, they agree their quiet life is much better.

Phil and Haley

Phil and Haley go out for Buffalo wings, which are so good even Haley eats them unabashedly as she gets sauce all over her face. When a girl invites her to a student mixer, she declines the offer in favor of hanging out with her dad. Phil can tell she wants to go, so he wipes the sauce off her face and sends her on her way. He knows she’ll be safe because she has GPS tracking her cell phone, but when he discovers she’s at a Phi Chi frat house he runs across campus to find her. He grabs the drink that’s being handed to her by some frat boy. He smells it realizing it is ginger ale and then looks at the frat boy who Haley says isn’t a frat boy but someone she goes to high school with. Haley runs away from her dad and the scene he’s caused, and Phil chases her. After being mistaken for a college kid bothering Haley, Phil and Haley have a heart to heart and Haley realizes how hard it will be for her dad when she goes off to school. Then, together, they grab a couple of lunch trays and slide down the hill.

Gloria, still seething with curiosity, can no longer take it. She sends a reluctant Jay up to Manny’s room but right outside the door they hear Manny yelling for help because he’s stuck. Gloria panics and sends a still reluctant but calm Jay into the room. Jay finds many hanging upside down, apparently trying to make himself taller for the girl he likes. Gloria is relieved that Manny is still a little boy. Jay tells Manny he’ll help him get the girls by helping him work out.

There were a lot of good moments in this episode, though for me it wasn’t as funny as last week. Still, the show never fails to entertain me and when the half hour is up it always seems too soon.

Best Quotes

Jay: I’m just saying, the guy’s a judge. He can put a shirt on.

Phil: There she is, the old library. I had some late nights in there — some of them I even spent studying. Don’t tell your mom.
Haley: And maybe don’t tell me.

Mitchell: I don’t know about you, but I have about five minutes of fabulous left in me.

Mitchell: When did hats come back?
Cam: That one’s come back about eight times. Pick a side of the room, lady!

Manny: Everyone else is getting taller but me. You think it’s the coffee?
Gloria: No…maybe.

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