Tag Archives: New Girl

new girl’s best quotes: katie

  • “Jess, are you cooking a frittata in a sauce pan? What is this, prison?” – Schmidt
  • “What photograph were you working from? My hair hasn’t looked like that in three weeks!” – Schmidt…clearly unappreciative of Jess’ multi-cloth collage
  • “Very impressive, pro-ball. Women’s pro-ball, but still, woosh.” – Schmidt
  • “Winston, your sister got so hot. I’m gonna have to Shaq Attack her. May I have your blessing? Cause I’m going to be like, dribblin’, up the court (boom) technical foul (boom) illegal use of the hands (boom).” – Schmidt (this quote is best appreciated when viewed, written words do it zero justice)
  • “…and I’m the girl from my dreams of you.” – Jess
  • “I had the best sex of my life last night. He brewed me like a fine chamomile.” –  Jess
    “Oh, was that you? Thought that was a couple of bums fighting.” – Nick
    “It wasn’t. It was me, having sex. I left my body, went up to heaven, saw my grandparents, thought it was weird that I saw my grandparents, came back down, I became a werewolf and scared some teenagers. I came back into my body. Only thing is, he thinks my name is Katie and that I’m a dancer, and/or something involving puppets.” – Jess
  • “Maybe you should watch a cautionary tale that I like to call the Nutty Professor.” – Schmidt
  • “You wear a cardigan on top of another cardigan.” – Nick
  • “Is there a hot way of saying I don’t feel sexy after I’ve had a lot of cheese?” – Jess
  • “I can’t wait to see your meat bar.” – Bearclaw (played by Josh Gad), who should have been Andy, saying ‘meat bar’, which should have been ‘body’ (damn those auto-corrects!)
  • “Hey, if we make love later, and I tell you to pretend I’m a scary ghost, are you gonna be weirded out by that.” – Bearclaw
  • “I don’t care what you like or what your name is or anything about you. And the good news is, you don’t have to care about me either and we can still tear each other apart. What do you think?” – Sam (played by David Walton, RIP BENT) making an irresistible offer
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new girl’s best quotes: re-launch

  • “You can’t turn the sink on when someone’s in the shower, this is not some fancy hotel.” -Nick
  • “And by the way, I know what you’ve been thinking and the answer is yes. I have been able to reach completion with some very precise and vigorous nipple play.” – Schmidt
    “Nipple play, off limits.” – Jess
  • “I panicked and I grabbed the hat. I should have grabbed the yo–yo or the slap bracelet, but now all I have is this stupid hat.” – Jess
    “I’m sorry.” – Cece
    “No, you’re right. I’m over-thinking it, the hat is fine.” – Jess
  • “Can you believe that the zoo wouldn’t let me borrow their white tiger? I meant, the nerve! I’m going to be sitting in the back of the party and Philip Seymour Hoffman is going to be like ‘look at that idiot, couldn’t even get a big cat’.” – Schmidt
  • “You don’t have that specific hotness that shames men into spending $9 on a $2 shot.” – Nick…on why Jess isn’t hot enough to be a shot girl
  • “I have a PhD, a pretty heavy drug problem.”Parker Posey (severely underutilized IMO) as the “26-year old” shot girl
  • “…get up on that bar and shake that piece of plywood that you call an ass.” – Nick
  • “Yeah, life sucks. And then, it gets better and then it sucks again and it just…sucks.” – Nick
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new girl recapping: kryptonite

Starting this week a new face joins the cast of New Girl; Lamorne Morris plays Winston. He is replacing Damon Wayans Jr’s character “Coach” due to the ABC comedy Happy Endings being picked up for another season.

During a friendly game of catch with the roommates Jess accidentally busted Nick’s flat screen TV with a basketball. This sends the males characters into a frenzy. Jess says she’ll pay for a new one but not right away. She tells the guys that she has a similar TV but it’s at her ex-boyfriend’s place. Of course she gets talked into trying to get it back from her ex even though his hair puts her in a trance-like state. After meeting with her ex, Spencer, in the park Jess comes away empty handed but he convinces her to take his new girlfriend to the airport. Poor Jess, she didn’t stand a chance against that magical mane.

After telling her roommates about the debacle they tell her that she needs to toughen up and demand she get her belongings back even if it means she has to move on emotionally. Eventually she is ready to confront Spencer – with the help of her roommates and best friend Cece. After driving around Spencer’s block multiple times to build up the courage, Jess stops and approaches the house. Spencer answers and Jess falls back under his spell until she notices that he has been mistreating the plants. Jess snaps and thrashes through the house taking her possessions and, clumsily, storms out dropping her TV on the way.

Spencer comes out on the lawn trying to stop Jess from taking the TV but her roommates stop him and tell him he needs to let her go. I know they initially just wanted the TV but it seems as though they actually care about Jess and her feelings as well. Jess then tells Spencer that she is glad she was cheated on because she was only going to get hurt by Spencer over and over again. After Schmidt slaps Spencer the confrontation is over and the new roomies get back in Jess’ car and drive away.


I know it’s early in the series/season but I just feel that Nick and Jess are fated to spark up some semblance of a relationship that goes beyond just being roommates/friends. He is always the one who spearheads the movement to stand by Jess and he is usually the one who does the genuine consoling in regards to her as well. Schmidt is slowly but surely becoming my hero. I think it’s because he makes nonsensical remarks and believes them wholeheartedly. And his douche factor is at an all-time high – it gives me a goal to reach for.


I can’t call Spencer. I haven’t talked to him since he cheated on me with that ho. Actually that’s not fair she might be a really nice…ho.” -Jess

Jess, I know. Closure. Ouch. Am I right?” -Schmidt
I don’t know at all what you’re talking about.” -Jess

See that, man? That’s my new thumb ring. How choice is that? Little skull…it’s so nectar.” -Schmidt
Did you just make up “nectar?” -Nick
No, it’s a volleyball term.” -Schmidt

Your hand is on my leg.” -Cece
Your hand is on MY leg.” -Schmidt
No, it REALLY isn’t.” -Cece
Classic He Said/She Said.” -Schmidt

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