Tag Archives: pranks

new girl’s best quotes: neighbors

Previous New Girl quotes: Fluffer

  • “I’ve actually been working on something.” – Jess
    “A resume? Maybe?” – Schmidt

  • “Did I do that?” – Jess
    “I’m sorry, did you just say you were working on that?” – Schmidt
    “It’s Urkel!” – Jess
    “Urkel? Urkel, Jess? Look, it’s perfectly fine to watch TV all day.” – Nick
    “No it’s not!” – Winston/Schmidt
    “But Urkel? Not even in my darkest moments did I do Urkel.” – Nick

  • “Jess, the men in suits here, the professionals, would like to know what the plan is.” – Schmidt
    “I’m a professional.” – Nick
    “You’re not, please, you work in a bar, it’s a whole different thing. I respect you, just, please.” – Schmidt

  • “I crushed it all day today, and then I crushed it some more, and then it asked me what I was doing and I told it that I was crushing it. That’s what I do on a daily basis Jess. You used to inspire me. I mean n-not specifically, because I find teaching to be icky. But, in a vague, kind of ‘look at the go-getter in a brightly colored sweater’ kind of way. What happened to the inspiring, visor-less Jess?” – Schmidt

  • “I like where your head’s at. We’re going to be there with bells on. Dolla-dolla-bells y’all.” – Schmidt

  • “Behold, this actuarial table stops at age 99. But if you track my current trajectory, I’m clearly going to live ’til I’m 123 years old, so, hello robot sex.” – Schmidt

  • “I like getting older, I feel like I’m finally aging into my personality.” – Nick

  • “Apparently, I’m going to be growing forever, I’m like a Jewish Peter Pan.” – Schmidt (Partial quote because I didn’t want to misspell all of his Jewish Peter Pan-isms and I’m too lazy to look up the correct spelling up right now. So, yeah, hooray for honesty)

  • “That’s how she cassa-rolls.” – Schmidt

  • “If I had a dollar for everybody I couldn’t hang out with because they hated Schmidt, I’d be rich. Like ‘fill my gas tank all the way up’ rich.” – Nick

  • “They call me Prank Sinatra.” – Winston
    “No, you call you Prank Sinatra.” – Nick

  • “What do you guys think about the length of my sideburns? It’s new. Daring or gauche?” – Schmidt

  • “And where have you been all night young lady? Jumping around to your hippity-hop? Taking your drug pills and smoking your hash stick? I’m actually asking, I’m not doing a thing right here.” – Nick

  • “Ay-yi-yi, I am cons-to the- pizz-o.” – Schmidt (That’s ‘constipated’ for all you kids that don’t know/understand the intricate mechanics of slang)

  • “Jess, we don’t care if you stole your catchphrase from some low budget web series, we still want to hang out.” – Chaz, played by Charlie Saxton, made me miss Hung

  • “Do you think I want to work at the Casserole Shanty? Do you know what the people I work with call it? The Asserole Shanty.” – Jess

  • “We don’t hate you for being old, we hate you because you’re a viciously unbearable asshead.” – Chaz

  • “This is like the end of a horror movie.” – Jess
    “Or the beginning of a pranking movie.” – Nick
    “There are no pranking movies.” – Nick
    “Yet.” – Nick
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30 rock recapping: nothing left to lose

Previously on 30 rock: The Shower Principle

Through the employee self-evaluations, Jack finds out that Pete doesn’t have any ambition. So he takes Pete under his wing to help him regain what he has lost. His first step is to take Pete to a gym to try and find some manly strength. Unfortunately, Pete ends up being beaten up by a a dummy. Then Jack tells him to shave his strip of hair in an effort to own his hair loss. Pete does everything Jack asks to no advantage. Jack discovers his need to take on Pete’s case is because he also has no idea where he will be in five years.

Tracy pleasing Liz as his dad

Liz finds out that Tracy lost his sense of smell, so she forces him to go to the doctor to find out why its gone. Dr. Spaceman (Chris Parnell), the miracle worker, is able to remove he trinket that was blocking Tracy’s sense of smell. With his newly regained sense, Tracy finds that Liz’s scent triggers memories of his father. Also, that he can no longer be around his family because teenage boys smell bad, Angie’s cooking smells ethnic, and baby girl makes bad smells in her pants. Liz flees to Jack for assurance that taking advantage of Tracy’s need to please his father’s smell, now found on Liz. Knowing what she needs to to, Liz takes Tracy back to Dr. Spacemen and he puts a new blockage (a pencil top) back in Tracy’s nose.

Jenna blackmailing the writers

Jenna’s self-evaluation was surprisingly candid and she said she was the worst person she knew, but by the end of the episode she realize she is the fourth worse person she knows. The writers play a prank on Jenna which leads her to dress as a Smurf and do cartwheels through Time Square. Jenna gets her revenge by digging through the writer’s trash and getting some dirt on them. The writer’s give Jenna a taste of her own medicine and tell her Lutz was hurt that she didn’t try to get back at him. So Jenna digs through the trash to find something to make Lutz feel included. Turns out the whole thing was another prank against Jenna, but she discovers the truth about being the fourth worse person she knows.

Jenna as a smurf

Best/Funniest Moments

  • Jenna dressed as a Smurf
  • Pete being beaten by a dummy
  • Lutz crying to himself in the mirror

Dr. Spacemen: “Ya know what else was in the 70’s, women being quiet”

Tracy: “I just wanna make you proud of me, LL-Dad-Liz-Dad.”

Jenna: “You know what they say boys. If you can’t stand the heat, get off of Mickey Rourke’s sex grill.”

Kenneth: “Oh my, it smells like Grandma’s house at Christmas. That’s when we found her dead on the toilet.”

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