Tag Archives: Quarth

game of thrones recapping: the ghost of harrenhal

Previously on Game of Thrones: The Garden of Bones

Renly Baratheon is out of the running for the Westeros crown after a shadow creature appears in his tent and kills him. Bummer. In the Game of Thrones, this seems a bit like cheating, but no one has time to complain. Catelyn and Brienne, who were in Renly’s tent when the magical voodoo assassin showed up, are blamed for the king’s death, but they both escape. And while all of Renly’s former bannermen join Stannis, the Tyrell siblings throw their lot in with Petyr and, I assume, Joffrey the Demented Boy King (first of his name).

Across the Narrow Sea, Dany gets one gigantic step closer to finally returning to Westeros. Xaro Xhoan Daxos offers her all the ships, horses, and soldiers she needs to conquer the Seven Kingdoms as long as she marries him. Hooray! The girl queen gets to return and smash the Westeros “boys’ club” to smithereens with her dragons and foreign armies. Oh, just kidding. Dany’s advisor Jorah wants her to reject the offer so that they can just return to Westeros on one dinky ship. This idiotic plan has nothing to do with the fact that Jorah is in love with her. Nothing at all.

Elsewhere, lots of epic action continues to dangle just over the horizon, tempting viewers. Theon abandons his father’s lame order to storm the fishermen villages in favor of a bold move to attack Torren’s Square, a city dangerously close to Winterfell. At King’s Landing, Tyrion discovers that the alchemists have been making thousands of pots of wild fire, a deadly substance capable of burning through wood, steel, and iron. Beyond the Wall, Jon volunteers to join Quorin Halfhand on an expedition to kill off the wildling scouts that lurk beyond the Fist of the First Men.

Meanwhile at Harrenhal, Arya finds an unexpected ally in Jaqen, the man whose life she saved a few episodes back when all of them were first captured. Jaqen now works for the Lannisters, but he has not forgetton what Arya did for him. Citing the religious teachings of the Red God, he claims that only death can pay for life and that he now owes Arya three deaths. Arya is understandably skeptical, but she does propose that if anyone should be killed, it should be the Tickler (famous for his rat/bucket/fire torture techniques). A short time later, the Tickler is found dead in the Harrenhal courtyard, and Arya looks up to find Jaqen smiling at her as he places one finger upon his cheek. Two more to go.


  • I’m not sure if Dany’s former prostitute friend Doreah is, in fact, still a former prostitute. Dany pretty much suggests Doreah should go make the men of Quarth “happy” in exchange for local gossip. Shouldn’t one of the benefits of being part of Dany’s entourage include not having to be a prostitude anymore?
  • I wonder how much CGI money it cost to just make one of Dany’s dragons barbeque his own morsel of food. Hope no one was hoping that her dragons would, you know, actually do anything important this season.
  • In The TudorsNatalie Dormer played Anne Boleyn, a woman intent on marrying the King of England. In Game of Thrones, she plays Margaery Tyrell, a woman also willing to do anything to be queen. This seems like an oddly specific role to get type-casted into. Unfortunately for her, it probably is going to be a bit harder to pretend she’s in love with teenager Joffrey than Jonathan Rhys Meyers (though perhaps easier than pretending to be in love with Renly, who was obviously in love with her brother).
  • Not to question the supreme wisdom of the Red God, but how does death pay for life? The math behind this religious command (+1 for a live saved righted by the -1 of a death) suggests that it is inadvisable to go around saving lives because then you’ll just have to kill someone else to right the universe. Sorry, Red God, I’d rather worship Ned’s weird tree.

Missing in action: Joffrey, Robb, Sansa, Melisandre

Body count: 2 – Renly gets offed by a shadow creature, and the Tickler dies under equally mysterious circumstances at Harrenhal


Petyr: “Do you want to be a queen?”

Margaery: “No. I want to be the queen.”


Lancel: “I swear to you on my life.”

Tyrion: “I don’t care about your life.”

Hayley has other interests besides just nerdy TV shows. She also is a big fan of thinking. She ponders the great mysteries of life, like how more of her time can be devoted to watching those nerdy TV shows.

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game of thrones recapping: garden of bones

Previously on Game of Thrones: What is Dead May Never Die

If you want to be god of the battlefield, it really helps to have a big, scary uber-wolf on your side. Robb Stark and his direwolf Grey Wind launch another surprise attack on the Lannisters, who must have the worst lookouts in the history of Westeros, and win. After the fighting, Robb spots a woman treating the injured on the battlefield. He’s surprised to find that she is both of an appropriate age and attractivness to be considered a potential love interest for himself (and that she questions his authority and talks back to him…but mostly the attractiveness part).

For all the loyal fans who missed Joffrey’s charming antics, this had to be a welcomed episode. Highlights include Joffrey ordering Sansa, his future wife, to be stripped and hit in front of the entire court and forcing the two whores his uncle Tyrion purchased for him (don’t ask—it’s a weird family) to beat each other. I don’t know if psychology exists in Westeros, but this kid could single-handedly support and justify the entire profession.

Over at Renly’s camp, Petyr arrives to stir up trouble. He tries to figure Margaery out, well aware that her brother Loras is the king’s real lover, but the new queen uses some weird turn of phrases to either impress or confuse him (“My husband is my king, and my king is my husband”—what?). Petyr also finds time to profess his love for Catelyn, but she’s disgusted and rejects him.

Things are looking up for the other women of Westeros. After a distubring jaunt as a prisoner of the merry Harrenhal torturers, Arya and her friends are rescued by Tywin Lannister. They’re still prisoners, but now Arya gets to be Tywin’s cupbearer. Dany and her dying khalasar find their way to the walls of the utopian city of Quarth where, after a tense showdown, they are allowed in by a merchant named Xaro Xhoan Daxos. Meanwhile, Melisandre, otherwise known as she of the red dress and creepy accent, gives birth to a black smoke creature. Yeah, it makes as much sense as it sounds, but here’s betting it spells bad news for someone in next week’s episode!


  • Not to completely nerd out, but no potential girlfriends for Rob are supposed to show up yet, according to the books. On the other hand, I get it. There’s not a lot of romance going on in Westeros right now (if you’re the sort of person who excludes incestuous relationships), so I don’t blame the writers and producers for playing Cupid to spice up the constant plotting and battling.
  • Poor Petyr, he has awful timing. I actually really don’t like King Landing’s crafty brothel owner, and I admit I somewhat enjoyed seeing Catelyn reject him, but he has been in love with her for practically his entire life. You can’t blame a guy for trying.
  • I can’t be the only one who gave some serious thought to the Harrenhal torture scenes. What do a bucket, fire, and rats add up to? I’m assuming the rats are forced to chew through the victim’s chest to escape the heat, but who thinks of that stuff? Yuck. Whatever happened to just chopping off fingers?
  • I realize this is potentially impossible since Game of Thrones is already eating through a massive budget, but I would really like to see just one battle—that’s all I’m asking. Robb’s 4 for 4 for battlefield victories, and we’re still 0 for 4 for actually witnessing any of this epic action.

Missing in action: Theon, Bran, Cersei, Jon

Body count: too many to count – We get a battlefield strewn with dead bodies plus the two prisoners tortured to death at Harrenhal.


Roose Bolton: “The high road’s very pretty, but you’ll have a hard time marching your army down it.”

Tyrion: “I am not threatending the king, sir, I am educating my nephew. Bronn, next time Ser Meryn speaks, kill him. That was a threat. See the difference?

Dany: “When my dragons are grown, we will take back what was stolen from me and destroy those who have wronged me. We will lay waste to armies and burn cities to the ground. Turn us away, and we will burn you first.”

Hayley has other interests besides just nerdy TV shows. She also is a big fan of thinking. She ponders the great mysteries of life, like how more of her time can be devoted to watching those nerdy TV shows.

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