Tag Archives: quotes

thoughts on community: virtual systems analysis

Previously on Community: Origins of Vampire Mythology

The study group is informed that their Biology class is cancelled for the day – another class averted, Jeff. Annie can sense something between Troy and Britta so she sends them off on a lunch date. Annie heads to the Dreamatorium with Abed and learns about his thought process – and his versatility as a thespian. Shirley heads to a restaurant across town because the manager wears a tie and Pierce tries to avoid sitting on his man bags. I thought this was going to be one of those episodes where the group was going to be scattered around and we had to deal with three or four different subplots but (as alluded to earlier) Abed found a way to keep everyone in the same bedroo…uh…Dreamatorium. Here are my favorite moments of the eppy:

  • Did I really believe Dean Pelton was going to stop dressing up as…whatever the f*** he wants to? No. Was I sad when I randomly thought it may be true during a commercial break? Yes. Was I ecstatic to find out he came to his senses later in the episode even though I had completely forgotten about my previous breakdown? Damn skipper!
  • Let me get this straight Annie, you won’t kiss Abed as Surgeon Jeff but you will kiss Abed as Abed with Han Solo’s vest during a paintball match?
  • I don’t know if it was Abed just trying to continue getting the point across that Troy cries easily but…really? The About A Boy soundtrack?!
  • The vending machines that served buttered noodles.
  • Is saving lives and making love simultaneously the basis of Grey’s Anatomy? If so, I understand why it gets such rave reviews every season.
  • Am I curious about the ability to see eagles or other mythical creatures if enough pressure is put on my sex sack? Yes. Do I want to put in the work to find out? Anything for science?
  • Now we know that Annie is just as, if not more, crazy than Abed. At least he knows he can control outcomes in the Dreamatorium whereas Annie works through different scenarios with actual people. Lucky for her, I think the Tritta experiment is going to work – at least in the short term.
  • I’ll never get tired of this smooth groove!
  • Nice body shots, Annie. Go Pacquiao! (Sorry?)
  • I, too, am a laser tag aficionado. Inquire within (Possibly sorry again?)


“Those appetizers were dope AND legit.” -Abed (as Troy)

“I left my wife for you when she was pregnant!” -Abed (as Surgeon Jeff)
“Who do you think inseminated her?!” -Administrator Annie

*insert your favorite line from one of Troy Barnes’ signature breakdowns*

“I can see why women find Clive Owen attractive – to the point where I might…just as well be attracted to him.” (My personal favorite)

“I’m more turned on by women in pajamas than lingerie. I just wanna know they feel comfortable.” (Okay, maybe that was my favorite)

Will is a (not so) recovering TV and movie addict and TVDM only helps in feeding his vices. TVDM is the best outlet for him to spread his disease -without the use of airborne pathogens...

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house of lies recapping: microphallus

Previously on House of Lies: Amsterdam

Synopsis: Marty arrives at the offices to find Greg Norbert there to announce the possible acquisition of Galweather by MetroCapital; the Pod flies to Indiana to consult for a beverage company, where Marty applies his management skills to turn a loss into a win; Clyde questions whether Doug really hooked up with a transvestite; Roscoe struggles with the confusing feelings of liking both a boy and a girl (via Showtime)

Similar to Spaulding Winter (John Ross Bowie, The Big Bang Theory), Marty has “deep primal wounds”. If you don’t realize his Ari Gold-style posturing is compensating for something, you probably didn’t notice that. Fortunately, the writers kicked off this episode with a brief, nightmare induced visit from Marty’s dead mom on the anniversary of her death. See? Marty has issues.

You may have also noticed that this show has no limits and doesn’t really seem to have a line, or even a moral compass. I was convinced that was Jeannie’s role, but this episode nullified that theory. I’m not sure if they’re shoving their ‘limitlessness’ in our faces and if they are, I’m not sure if this will continue or if they’re trying to grab attention because the show is still new. Regardless, Marty and his kids’ level of depravity is growing on me.

MetroCapital and subsequently, Greg, is back and it looks like this will mean very bad things for Marty, but not too bad since Marty clearly has nine (untouchable) lives. Skip Galweather (Richard Schiff, The West Wing) has sold (?) his company to MetroCapital and he’s more than willing to let Marty fall on his ass…for business purposes, since it’s clear during their brief interaction that those two aren’t friends. Skip takes that lack of friendship personal, which he uses as justification to make any future screwing over of Marty ‘just business’. There’s a story there and hopefully it’s a fun one.

While we wait for that to develop, as well as Roscoe, who I must note was an absolute vision of pastel, getting more screen time next week, here are the best (and weirdest) moments of Microphallus:

  • “Daddy, it is a very bad day.” – Clyde…who should have more scenes with Marty, but please, no more pseudo-suicidal cliffhangers to close out episodes.
  • Marty telling Greg that April says Rachel (his wife) ‘tastes like Pink Berry’.
  • The Pod going to Indiana, which is home of the Raggedy Ann Doll, no really. Was there a brief stop to Pawnee perhaps?
  • Alan Dale (The O.C.) as John, the CEO of IBC. He was also on Once Upon a Time last night.
  • Spaulding and Janelle Winter (Amy Landecker) as…swingers? Or at least she was fine with him unleashing his foot fetish on Jeannie. And he was relatively OK with her pursuing Marty’s ‘black dick’, ‘big black cock’ or ‘big black dick’ (yes, all three were used at some point in the episode). Also seen and/or mentioned: a kinky sex den, ‘micro dick’, ‘man clit’ and ‘teenus’.
  • Marty selling IBC out to Pepsi, which was his long-term game plan all along. In case you were in doubt of how completely on top of his game Marty is, even when it seems like he’s not.
  • Roscoe playing what looked like Gears, with his girl…and boyfriend.

Next week’s episode: Mini-mogul


Nicole is a TV junkie and TVDM helps her feed a lifelong addiction. She can be found here, providing biased commentary (sprinkled with a few Pop Up Video-esque insights) on her favorite shows, every week.

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thoughts on parks and recreation: campaign ad

Previously on Parks and Recreation: The Comeback Kid

Synopsis: Leslie and Ben encounter their first campaign-related disagreement when trying to decide the best campaign ad she can use to go head-to-head with her new opponent. Chris attempts to become BFFs with Ron, which of course makes him uneasy. Meanwhile, Andy and April spend the week visiting various doctors and specialists.

I’m sure the two are unrelated, but PandR being this funny definitely helps dull the pain of being Community-less every Thursday night for the next few weeks. Without further delay, here are my favorite parts of ‘Campaign Ad’:

  • Paul Rudd as the spoiled rich kid, Bobby Newport. He’s the Sweetums heir. He has a candy-bar and boat named after him, Bobby Bar and Bobby’s Boat, respectively. His dad is BFFs with John Cougar Mellencamp. Also, he used the term ‘cam-pleasure’, which is his alternative to campaign. Genius.
  • Hey Ann, are you still a nurse or did they fire you because you slept with all the doctors?” I asked a nicer version of this question just last week!
  • Also, I completely forgot Andy and Ann dated, let alone lived together. But the real tragedy is that Andy thinks insurance is just for cars.
  • Donna’s new ‘do.
  • As a child, Leslie wanted her campaign manager to be Mr. Belvedere, which is odd.
  • “Ron Swanson, how are you?” – Chris “Present.” – Ron
  • Not really a part of the episode, but is Andy still taking classes?
  • Raclette, Persian grey-hound

  • “Nuh-uh, I always go negative. Even if I like the guy, I go negative. Keeps ‘em interested.” True story.
  • “When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses.” Insight from Tom.
  • “Positive is always better than negative. Barack Obama said ‘yes we can’ and now he’s president. Ben said ‘no we shouldn’t’ and now he’s working for his girlfriend.” Leslie burn.
  • Who knew saying ‘Bobby Newport’ in evil voices over and over again could be so darn funny? And really, with the picking on Jerry? Et tu Ben?!
  • “I don’t know what happened. I declined his invitation, he started laughing and the next thing I knew, we were at lunch. Did he drug me?” I was glad they addressed that.
  • Leslie’s ad sucked, but that little jump with Charlie at the end was adorable.
  • The good news is there’s only two pieces of bad news…” is an innovative way to break bad news.
  • Ron used his Christmas present. However, it failed to be effective because Chris is super nimble.
  • Although it was also a fail, it would be nice to be able to ‘dine and dash’ your medical bills.
  • “I’m not lonely, I have me. And 4000 Facebook friends and a hot girlfriend.” Chris is too hot not to have friends. Obvi.
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parks and recreation recapping: the comeback kid

Parks and Recreation has ended its winter hiatus. Leslie and Ben are still together. Andy is still adorably dimwitted and has the lovely, perpetually apathetic April at his side. Tom and Donna surely spent the break gearing up for Treat Yo’ Self 2012 (no, seriously writers, please make that a recurring event). Chris and Ann are literally the best semi-background characters on the show. Ron Swanson is still and will always be Ron F*cking Swanson. And Jerry…sweet, sweet Jerry…is still the unloved bastard child of the bunch.

Campaign season is in full gear, so let’s look back on the great parts of The Comeback Kid…of which there were many.

  • “Oh Ann, you beautiful tropical fish.” Leslie is so cute when she’s being condescending to Ann. Speaking of Ann, did anyone else forget that she’s a nurse?
  • “Leslie, I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and I broke everything.” Oh Andy.
  • Champion the 3-legged dog.
  • Ben is hot when he’s jobless and depressed.
  • Actually Tom, the casual Hawaiian shirt is making a comeback. Point for Jerry!
  • “I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.” Ron Swanson, builder of stages and other wooden things.
  • Pistol Pete was played by Tuc Watkins (aka Bob from Desperate Housewives).
  • Red-carpet insoles?! Tom is a mini-genuis.
  • Leslie Knope is the worst. break dancer. ever.
  • Ben’s idea for a fast-food Italian eatery, since pizza isn’t quite fast enough: The Lo-Cal Calzone Zone.
  • “No thanks Chris, I’m kinda tearing this claymation video a new one right now.” This was the second mention of Ben’s video and I was prepared to write the show a heavily worded e-mail if we didn’t see the actual video.
  • Did anyone else think Chris said “fapping around” when he actually said “faffing around”? The two sound so similar, do they not?
  • Ben Wyatt presents: Requiem for a Tuesday. Music provided by R.E.M.’s Stand. Given more time, was this going to be a Tuesdays with Morrie/Requiem for a Dream mashup?
  • “Windows are the eyes to the house.” – Andy “Wow.” – Tom
  • Community fans: Is it worse to pull a ‘Jerry’ or a ‘Britta’?
  • “Eeew, don’t make out, it’s making Champion sad.”
  • Leslie’s campaign team making their way to the “stage” requires a breakdown of its own best moments
    • Gloria Estefan’s “Get on Your Feet” on repeat every 10-15 seconds.
    • Champion peeing on Ron
    • Watching the whole team try to walk on ice since the red carpet ended long before they got to the “stage”.
    • Leslie being pushed onto the “stage” by the human steps.
    • Leslie saying she wants to “defeat obese children”.
    • And the pièce de résistance: Pistol Pete trying to make his famous dunk…on ice. An amazing fail to close out the rally.

I’m glad we got one great episode of Leslie’s campaign being led by the PandR Department, but I want her to win, so I’ll take the calmness that will probably come with Ben as her new campaign manager. Leslie Knope 2012!

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modern family recapping: egg drop

Previously on Modern Family: Lifetime Supply

Phil, Haley, Gloria

Phil, who recently departed from his real estate company to start his own, is giving an introductory presentation on what people can expect from the new company. He asks Haley to help him out, I suppose as an act of responsibility before she heads to college. Let’s be honest, Haley isn’t going to college for responsibility, she’s going for more boys with foot fetishes and frat parties.

Still, she agrees, and they get Gloria to help in the real estate spectacle. Gloria and Haley are detained by manicures and a towed car, which forces Phil to give the entire presentation himself, like a one man band. Gloria takes the blame, because Haley doesn’t think Phil will get mad at Gloria. She’s right and Gloria takes offense to this. Screeching at Phil like a hyena, she finally gets him to yell back at her, which he can only do because the hyena like screech is not very becoming.  They hug it out, which Phil enjoys a little too much.

Manny Confesses

Claire is helping Luke with his egg drop project, because she helps Luke with every project. Once Jay finds out about this he immediately agrees to help Manny with his egg drop project, thus beginning a father-daughter competition like you’ve never seen before.  Jay even initiates some scare tactics to get Claire shaking. Meanwhile Claire is begging Alex for her egg drop design, since it’s apparently flawless. Alex won’t budge, because she always does what’s right and because she’s too competitive to let someone else win with her design. Wonder where she gets that from. Luke and Manny enjoy the competition between Claire and Jay because it means not doing any of the project.  After a successful first story drop, and raising the stakes to a second story drop, Claire and Jay feel bad about taking over the project. But before they can apologize Manny confesses to and apologizes for the scheme.

Mitchell and Cam, already in agreement about expanding their family, have an interview with a pregnant teen mom, who believes there are 52 states. They relinquish their power of choice and let the seriously misinformed teenager run their lives during the meeting. She feng shuis their living room and asks them to sing for her. I welcome any chance to hear Jesse Tyler Ferguson sing, and loved seeing Mitchell break free of his controlled exterior and shine. Teen mom tells Cam he was pitchy, and Cam, wanting to prove her wrong and take back his spotlight, sings a second song to celebrate Teen mom choosing them. Note to anyone who ever wishes to adopt from an impressionable teen girl: singing “Don’t Leave Me Now” is not a good idea. Mitchell and Cam don’t get the baby, and now he/she will grow up thinking East Dakota is a state.

 Phil Gimmicks

Best/Funniest Moment

  • Phil introducing himself and running all around the stage and showroom to cue his gimmicks on time.
  • Gloria screaming like a hyena in heat, multiple times throughout the episode.
  • 52 states including East Dakota, gotta love that American education.
  • Teen Mom calling Cam pitchy.
  • Claire claiming she was testing the strength of the eggs.


Claire(talking about Alex): “There’s something wrong with that one.”

Jay (to Claire): “You came out of the womb like that. I’m not entirely sure there wasn’t a twin in there that you bumped off.”

Manny(talking about Gloria on the phone with relatives): “I understood ‘crazy old witch’ ‘go kill yourself’ then ‘I love you’.”

Glora: “Be careful with boys who like feet, that can get weird really fast.”

Kristen is a confused young adult who sometimes thinks TV shows are actually her life. Wouldn’t that be cool? Unless she was a victim on Dexter, or a deranged privileged teenager on gossip girl, or a wolf on teen wolf, or Liz Lemon! Never mind. It wouldn’t be cool. Kristen is a young adult. Follow her @kris10_Alyse or read frustrateddreamer.com

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