Tag Archives: ron swanson

parks and recreation recapping: soda tax

Previously on Parks and Recreation: Ms. Knope Goes to Washington 

I often struggle between finding shows that perfectly walk the thin line between being realistic, but also funny. Usually Parks and Rec is a show that manages to do flips and spins across this line (which seems to look a lot like a balance beam in my mind). With several three-dimensional characters that push the plot along, its rare that that we run into entire episodes that focus on the plot as the driving force behind the episode. AKA, this episode wasn’t as funny as I would have liked, but I guess what happened was crucial to the plotline.

The plot can be summarized as follows: Ben is unhappy with his lazy interns in D.C., and Leslie is unsure how she should vote on her soda tax. If she votes for it to pass, it can potentially cost several Pawneeians their jobs. But she put this tax into place because Pawnee is the fourth fattest city in America–“soon to be number three. We’re coming for you, San Antonio!”. Andy trains to be a policeman, with the help of Tom and Chris, who seems to be going through a midlife crisis.

Leslie sometimes has to choose between what she believes in or what is best for the town. Usually these two things are one in the same, but this was not one of those times. Relying on Ron’s expert advice, as always, she chooses to do what she believes in. Ben’s lazy interns were the most fun sections to watch. All the interns have very influential political family members, and once Ben realizes it, he begins sucking up to them, which leads to interesting slang that only Ben–or a 45-year-old man– would think is “hip.”

The most depressing– and, honestly, unnecessary– section of the episode was Andy’s. Andy played the part of an oblivious by loving goofball great, as usual. And Tom was great too, although he had a smaller role than usual. However, Chris began spiraling down this sad, sad road of “Poor me, my name is Chris and I’m single and will die all alone.” This sad descent into “this show is not a comedy anymore” began last season after Jerry’s daughter Meredith broke up with him. I think that without this section of the plot, it would have been a hilariously great episode.

  • I said it last week, and I’ll say it again. Rob Lowe has been given a seriously crap role. Not only are they not using Lowe’s comedic prowess, they’ve turned him into one of the most unlikeable, unsympathetic characters on TV right now. Probably an over-exaggeration, but for the sake of poor Rob Lowe, let’s stick with it.
  • More Aziz! And Jerry. And Donna! Come to think of it, they should be doing another “Treat Yo Self” episode soon… I hope.
  • I feel like all of the guys’ names on this show were stock names that just never got changed. Sometimes I get them confused because they’re so typically… short, American guy names. Jerry. Ron. Tom. Chris. Ben. Andy. What about some more fun names, like Colin? Or a new favorite, Oliver? (Homage to Olivia Dunham? I think not. Just an odd coincidence, I guess! 🙂


Andy:” So, I’ve got a list of everything that I’m supposed to be able to do to get into the police academy, and number one is, “Be able to run 2 miles in under 25 minutes.” That’s a typo, right? I mean, that’s humanly impossible.”


Leslie:  Ms. Pinewood, recently, many of the local restaurants have changed their “small-size” option to a whopping 64-ounces. That’s correct, and it’s great for the consumer. More bang for the buck. Are we putting bargains on trial here? How could any sane person call that “small”?

Miss Pinewood:  Well, if the customer truly wants a smaller size, there is an option.

Leslie: Oh, do you mean the “li’l swallow”? Does anybody buy that? Some girls buy them for their dollhouses, but they’re not very popular. I mean, for only a nickel more, you get 64 ounces. Well, uh, Paunch Burger just recently came out with a new 128-ounce option. Most people call it a gallon, but they call it the “regular.” Then, there is a horrifying 512-ounce version that the call “child size.” How is this a “child-sized soda”?

Miss Pinewood: Well, it’s roughly the size of a two-year-old child, if the child were liquefied. It’s a real bargain at $1.59.


Leslie: Let’s talk about water zero. The name implies that there are zero calories, like most water, but in fact, it has 300 calories per serving. Isn’t that misleading?

Miss Pinewood: The zero on the label refers to the amount of water in it, which is zero. If you want zero-calorie water, try diet water zero lite. It has only 60 calories.


Pawnee citizen: I want the tax. My husband started drinking those giant sodas, and he’s gained 100 pounds in three months. Consequently, we haven’t had sex in ten years.


Ben: Let’s go. Guess what’s in these boxes, everybody? What? Pizza. That’s right. Everybody chill out. Take a pizza break on me. Ellis, what’s up, my male? You grab a slice of ‘za, brah.


Ben: I asked you to come work here because I thought you’d enjoy it and I think you’re smart, but you have to have some semblance of professionalism, and I need you to give, like, even a 15% effort.

April:  12%.

Ben: 15. For God’s sake, I’m asking for 15% effort. It’s not supposed to be a negotiation.


Ellis:  Hey, what’s your problem?

April: My problem is you, Smellis. Ben told you to finish the website, and if you don’t do it, I swear to God, I’m gonna murder you in your sleep. I know where you live. 14th street, right? I’m gonna get a melon baller and scoop your eyes out and eat them, and your congressman uncle is gonna have to buy you a dog to drag your eyeless face around.

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thoughts on parks and recreation: lucky

Previously on Parks and Recreation: Campaign Shake-Up

This wasn’t the LOL-packed episode I was hoping for to send us off onto a month long hiatus (in case you didn’t already know Community returns next week). Leslie has been much funnier as a drunk and Sean Hayes’ character was a little too understated. However, in this night of odd pairings (i.e., Donna and Jerry spending the night together, working of course) there were two things that saved the episode: continuity (more on that below) and quotes. Here are my favorite spots in Lucky, along with a few stray observations:

  • Tom said this back in season two “When Tiger Woods feels invincible he wears a red shirt and black pants. Ron wears the same thing after he’s had sex.” What did Ron wear after his night with Professor Linda (played by Danielle Bisutti)? A red shirt. Continuity done right.
  • Leslie’s mini-fashion show and the pièce de résistance, her Sandy-esque outfit (“Those pants look dooope”). The ‘nympho’ on the butt made me think she probably stole those pants from some local Pawnee girl destined to be on an upcoming installment of Teen Mom.
  • Apparently Andy was still taking his women’s studies class. Points for continuity. However, minus points for waiting until he took the final to mention anything about the class.
  • “I told you. If you can’t remember what some woman did, just tear up and say ‘she changed my life’.” Great advice from April….unless it’s a multiple choice exam.
  • Tom telling Ben he’s not the president of The Boring Club because he lost the election, due to his election speech being too boring.
  • “I was hoping for a P-Plus, but those do not exist. Right?” Andy, the college course grad, on his passing grade.
  • Ann and Tom’s swag handshake.
  • Why are you here eating alone?” – April “I’m not. I’m surrounded by friends. Friends I don’t know yet.” -Chris
  • I’m sorry Marcus, I have to cancel our bath.” I can’t possibly express how much more of Donna I’d like to see before the season ends.
  • “…found a small piece of carpet without a horrifying smell-scape.” The first of quite a few rude comments from Buddy Wood (the usually hilarious Sean Hayes).
  • Chris carries his own salad dressing.
  • But what if super baby became too powerful?” Andy on the possible super offspring of Chris and Professor Linda. Although, that probably won’t be an issue.
  • Andy’s face when Chris used the term ‘male gaze’.
  • A fitting end to a bizarre interview and a sad moment in a depressing city with no hope in the waning moments of the bitter saga that has been a contentious campaign.” The best of quite a few rude comments from Buddy Wood.
  • “I’m very proud of me and you are too.” Andy gets the greatest lines, after Tom of course.
  • Chris considers land yakking a suitable date activity.
  • “It ain’t government work if you don’t have to do it twice.” Jerry…after Jerry-ing up the letters he spent all night sealing.
  • There’s that shirt!” Chris, on what he’ll one day realize is Ron’s “had sex last night” red shirt.
  • The return of the mobile hot tub from Meet n Greet. More continuity, more points.
  • Tom’s 48-hour anniversary gift to Ann? 48 condoms. Have these two even had sex yet? I feel that we’re not being allowed to experience all the fun little details of this love affair.


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thoughts on parks and recreation: campaign ad

Previously on Parks and Recreation: The Comeback Kid

Synopsis: Leslie and Ben encounter their first campaign-related disagreement when trying to decide the best campaign ad she can use to go head-to-head with her new opponent. Chris attempts to become BFFs with Ron, which of course makes him uneasy. Meanwhile, Andy and April spend the week visiting various doctors and specialists.

I’m sure the two are unrelated, but PandR being this funny definitely helps dull the pain of being Community-less every Thursday night for the next few weeks. Without further delay, here are my favorite parts of ‘Campaign Ad’:

  • Paul Rudd as the spoiled rich kid, Bobby Newport. He’s the Sweetums heir. He has a candy-bar and boat named after him, Bobby Bar and Bobby’s Boat, respectively. His dad is BFFs with John Cougar Mellencamp. Also, he used the term ‘cam-pleasure’, which is his alternative to campaign. Genius.
  • Hey Ann, are you still a nurse or did they fire you because you slept with all the doctors?” I asked a nicer version of this question just last week!
  • Also, I completely forgot Andy and Ann dated, let alone lived together. But the real tragedy is that Andy thinks insurance is just for cars.
  • Donna’s new ‘do.
  • As a child, Leslie wanted her campaign manager to be Mr. Belvedere, which is odd.
  • “Ron Swanson, how are you?” – Chris “Present.” – Ron
  • Not really a part of the episode, but is Andy still taking classes?
  • Raclette, Persian grey-hound

  • “Nuh-uh, I always go negative. Even if I like the guy, I go negative. Keeps ‘em interested.” True story.
  • “When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses.” Insight from Tom.
  • “Positive is always better than negative. Barack Obama said ‘yes we can’ and now he’s president. Ben said ‘no we shouldn’t’ and now he’s working for his girlfriend.” Leslie burn.
  • Who knew saying ‘Bobby Newport’ in evil voices over and over again could be so darn funny? And really, with the picking on Jerry? Et tu Ben?!
  • “I don’t know what happened. I declined his invitation, he started laughing and the next thing I knew, we were at lunch. Did he drug me?” I was glad they addressed that.
  • Leslie’s ad sucked, but that little jump with Charlie at the end was adorable.
  • The good news is there’s only two pieces of bad news…” is an innovative way to break bad news.
  • Ron used his Christmas present. However, it failed to be effective because Chris is super nimble.
  • Although it was also a fail, it would be nice to be able to ‘dine and dash’ your medical bills.
  • “I’m not lonely, I have me. And 4000 Facebook friends and a hot girlfriend.” Chris is too hot not to have friends. Obvi.
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thoughts on parks and recreation: the trial of leslie knope

Comedies shouldn’t make you cry. The whole point of watching them is for the humor and LOL moments, but Parks and Recreation, similar to my other favorite NBC comedy (Community), isn’t just funny. When you fall in love with a show that makes you care about the characters, you have to accept that sometimes heart is more important than humor. So with that in mind, here are my favorite parts of ‘The Trial of Leslie Knope’:

  • Ron Swanson reacting to his newfound understanding of how invasive the Internet is by trashing his computer.
  • The Lil’ Sebastian present Ben got for Leslie, but NBC, there’s a time and place for shamelessly promoting your store. That wasn’t it!
  • Chris fighting depression with tons of herbs and vitamins. That bag was huge…too much healthy has to be a little unhealthy, right?
  • I broke one rule and I will accept a slap on the wrist, but when you sit back ad let your reputation be destroyed, you go down in history as a frozen whore. I’m fighting.” Leslie illustrating that heart I mentioned earlier.
  • Leslie’s iMovie announcement that she and Ben had finally hooked up.
  • April and Andy as character witnesses.
  • Khakis and buttondown shorts. Your basic white people clothes.” Donna should have more lines.
  • Ron smelling sulfur coming off of Tammy 2.
  • Former (and current?) Pawnee laws: black people can’t use city sidewalks, all sex positions are prohibited and chicks who laugh are witches.
  • Ben is the antithesis to “chivalry is dead”. I’m a little giddy to see their love flourish outside the confines of sneaking around. Plus, Tom and Ann have shown us that the show can handle characters that don’t work for the PandR department.
  • Ethel, the whole episode.
  • Poor Jerry Gary.


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parks and recreation recapping: born and raised

Parks and Recreation does the dardnest things. Thinking back on the days when filling a giant hole was the sole purpose of the Parks Department, I started to realize this show has never truly disappointed me and (hopefuly) never will. I really enjoyed this episode and not just because Aziz Ansari has the melodic voice of an angel even when singing the ‘Gotcha!’ song. Also, if anyone reading this wants to purchase me a copy of Pawnee: The Greatest Town in America…I wouldn’t turn that down.

Courtesy of NBC

Fifteen Questions About ‘Born & Raised’:

  • Wasn’t that exactly what you would imagine lesbian-Afro-Norwegian funk music to sound like?
  • Would anyone else love to get his or her hands on Ron’s manifesto?
  • Is Chris getting aggressively annoying (and not in the adorable way he was before) or does it just seem that way because of the new haircut?
  • Isn’t it appropriate that Ron not only whittles in his free time, but makes a beautiful, pitch-perfect wooden record once he’s done?
  • Was Joan’s Book Club better or worse than the now defunct, Oprah’s Book Club?
  • When did Ann Perkins become Leslie Knope-style nutty? Was it gradual or did it start with Chris?
  • What does Tom smell like after that obnoxious amount of cologne sprays?
  • Can we spend a few more moments with Andy as Burt Machlan, FBI agent?
  • Joan powdering her vagina (and other parts) his her prerogative, but is that something sexy to tell a guy you’re trying to sleep with? Do men find that attractive?
  • If Alf was a character on Sex and the City, would that have made the second movie better?
  • Why didn’t Chris’ smile work on the Eagleton lady? Again, is it the hair?
  • Was anyone hoping that instead of just bringing it up, Ben would tell us which side he stands on in the whole “Spock/Uhura vs. “Kirk/Uhura” debate?
  • Does everyone really love gross medical stories?
  • Are April and Ron not the cutest? Are you going to start calling people by the wrong name too?
  • They treat Jerry like crap and he missed his daughter’s birthday all for Leslie…wouldn’t it be nice to see him turn into a complete dick for just one episode?

Photo Courtesy of the A.V. Club


“…and Sweetums Cares. A non-profit group that puts umbrella hats on homeless people when it rains.” – Radio Announcer

“At the risk of bragging, one of the things I’m best at is riding coat tails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit.” – Tom

“What I was 18, Val Kilmer saw me at a mall and told me I should model.” – Joan
“That never happened.”
– Ben

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