Tag Archives: the al dente dentist

broad city’s best quotes: in heat

The Al Dente Dentist is not only real, but also informative for those who need to know just how to properly layer tasty lasagna.

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“Every 10 pounds a guy loses, he gains a visual inch.” – Ilana
“Whoa, so it’s like the best optical illusion of all time.” – Abbi
“Exactly, like um, Mt. Rushmore. How it looks exactly like the presidents.” – Ilana

“Ugh, I love it. All my senses are heightened, even my ethnic ambiguity. I was catcalled today in what I believe was Creole.” – Ilana

“You should check out that Collin Farrell sex tape, just to get back in the swing of things, specifically 8:58. He is feasting on her pussy like it is a dang milkshake. It’s me breakfast, lunch and fucking dinner right here.” – Ilana

“Exactly. All Hollywood media is porn and all porn is kiddie porn.” – Ilana

“Where did you meet her?” – Tony (played by Damien Lemon)

“At a Foot Locker in Time Square. She was just hanging out. She wasn’t buying anything, she was just chillin’.” – Lincoln

“’Bye guys’ is my favorite part of that. I love that. I want more you. I want more panache. I want more spunk, more jizzy jazz.” – Ilana

“Couple of my best friends showed up. Even though they were pretty stacked, I got to keep my eye on the prize: The Amazing Race.” – Benny (played by Kumail Nanjiani)

“This is gonna work. I left my air conditioner here when I graduated. It’s like technically still mine. It’s like when a mom gives up a baby for adoption, she should be able to go back and get that baby whenever she pleases.” – Ilana

“I can’t get into adoption with you again.” – Abbi

“You kids are all straight and you’re all gay.” – Officer Flap (played by Jack O’Connell)

“Guys, some lady and her mom are here.” – Reginald Carolla (played by Phil of the Future Raviv Ullman)
“Good one, what are you, a comedian?” – Abbi
“Pretty much, my uncle is Adam Carolla – Reginald

“I am honored and thrilled that you would steal something for me. I feel like a fugitive. And if anyone asks, I’ll say the one-armed man took it.” – Lincoln

Honorable mention: Abbi’s handshakes with the Bed Bath and Beyond employees. Holllaa at me Abbiiiii.

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