desperate housewives recapping: secrets that i never want to know

Desperate Housewives’ eighth and final season started tonight and as with any show that may have overstayed its welcome – One Tree Hill, Entourage, Heroes, etc. – this can be a time for opportunity. Most shows have done it all at this point, throwing in everything from “shocking” murders to huge sweeps week storylines (something all DH viewers know is a yearly occurrence in the form of the “Disaster Episode”).

When a show has the opportunity to end on a note of their choosing, long time fans can be rewarded with the storyline(s) we’d always hoped for, but never thought we would see (Ari and Dana Gordon finally acting on all that sexual tension) and old favorites can be carted back out for one last hurray (Lucas returning to OTH).

I remember tuning into Desperate Housewives to fill the gaping hole that Sex and the City had left just a few months before. I watched the first few seasons with an almost sick fascination with women whose lives were my worst nightmare. Sure being a wife and mother sounds like a jolly good time, but the ‘desperate’ and ‘housewife’ angles always made me break out into a cold sweat. The years (and seasons) have passed and although I’m still steadfastly anti any lifestyle that leaves me desperate enough to sleep with the underage gardener, that has nothing to do with my love for the show.

Photo courtesy of http://www.blog.zap2it.com

So here we are, one episode into the final season of the show that made some of the 90s finest (Lois Lane and Dr. Kimberly Shaw, of course) relevant again. “Secrets That I Never Want to Know” was the nighttime soap quality I’ve come to expect from Desperate Housewives. I like when a show comes full-circle and DH definitely got back to that first season, “Why did Mary Alice kill herself?!?!” feel tonight.

The following are just a few of the questions I was left with, as well as what I expect to see next week:

  • Is the murder going to be the major story for this season? Watching these ladies avoid getting caught will only be humorous so many times, I expect a resolution of sorts by mid-season, followed by another HUGE mystery to carry us through to the series finale.
  • Are Celia, Penny and Parker going to receive any type of relevant story lines this season? Just curious.
  • When did Bree make the transition from saintly Madonna to whore-like? Don’t misunderstand me, I LOVE seeing her like this, but I can’t pinpoint when the change happened. I blame Brian Austin Green!
  • Mike has been to prison and “accidentally” killed a man, why is Susan the only one that thinks he would be able to handle their secret?
  • Who is going to break first: Susan or Carlos? I think Susan will be the first to tell someone (Mike) but Carlos will probably turn himself in, unnecessarily.
  • Is Lynette really over Tom? How long are they going to drag this out for? I don’t want to see Lynette date around and I don’t think I can handle seeing that look of hurt Tom sported several times throughout this episode ever, ever again.
  • The letter Bree received was obviously meant to be reminiscent of the one that drove Mary Alice to commit suicide, except I don’t think it has anything to do with this season’s mystery.
  • What’s the new neighbor’s deal? No one ever moves onto Wisteria Lane for a normal reason, but they’ve already covered murderers to death. Maybe he’s really just there to provide Renee with something more to do than shoot off a few witty comments every few episodes.

Photo courtesy of http://www.sidereel.com

Quotes:

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you could do this professionally.” – Detective Chuck Vance…post coitus

“There’s no coffee, no poker. No bitching about husbands over coffee and poker.” – Mike

“Continue my son – (giggles) – my son. I’m sorry, it’s just, you’re like a thousand years older than me.” – The Father who also tweets during confession

“Mens cologne?” – Det. Vance
“She’s a lesbian!”
– Bree

“I’m going to go see the new neighbor. You know…give him a ride on the ol’ welcome wagon.” – Renee aka “the ol’ welcome wagon”

 

Am I asking for too much? Should I expect to see this “murder mystery” spread out over the whole season? Did I miss a pertinent detail? Are you glad to know that you aren’t the only one still watching this show? No seriously, if I missed something, let me know…I want to get the full experience.

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